To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

[comoatoupeira]

Hello
Sorry if this has been done to death, but does anyone else think that the childrens' birthday party and gift giving culture is completely bizarre in the UK?
What I mean is the way that people bring sometimes very large/expensive gifts, or really very thoughtful and nice gifts, like a book that has been chosen especially for the child, and yet nobody seems to expect an acknowledgment beyond 'thanks for all the lovely presents!' on the school WhatsApp group.
I know that everyone is really busy, and I know that this would always fall to the mum not the dad and we don't need any more small admin jobs related to our children, thank you, but it still feels wrong.

What feels wrong? It feels somehow grabby, or as though the effort gone into choosing the gift is just taken for granted (and the money).

I accept it's probably just something people have decided so as not to create too much work for themselves. But it bothers me. What do you think?

This is the kind of message I think would be good to receive: 'Hi! Just to say thanks so much for the gel pens, little Timmy loves them. See you on Monday'. The purpose being simply to acknowledge that a gift has been chosen and bought, nothing more!

I have 2 children age 7 and 4 so prime age for kids parties. I write a list as they open their gifts and always send an individual thank you message to say thank you for each specific gift. In fact DDs recent 4th Birthday party I did a photo of her with each gift too! With family gifts they either call or do photos/video message.

I think i may have had a couple of people do this over the years but have no idea which parents do/don't so I'm obviously in the minority.

Stop trying to give already busy people yet more work to do. What’s the point of a note other than to give you some weird sense of gratification?

No offence, but it sounds like you don't work full time? That's a ridiculous burden to place on yourself.

But you have provided the party (plus presumably party bag). Do you want handwritten thank you notes from the recipients for this? Where does it end?

But the party was for her child not for the children attending.
If I was giving my daughter a party it would be apart of their birthday present.

A child saying thank you for a party bag when handed to them is fine, no one's asking for a thank you note for a party bag!!
It takes time, thought and money to choose and wrap a gift and it is nice to have that acknowledged.

But they aren't hosting through kindness. They are hosting because that is what you do here. All of the children are invited. They are being kind to their own child, by making sure they have the same experience as their peers.

By the same token, OP: the guest's parent didn't get the birthday child a gift through kindness. They gave one because that is what you do here. All of the children bring a gift. They are being kind to their own child, by making sure they have the same experience as their peers.

I didn’t need to be thanked for buying the child a present after the party. We were thanked when we handed it over on arrival and/or thanked at the end when leaving. My kids got to go to a party, play with their friends, have party food and got given a party bag.

When my own kids had parties, I did the same, I thanked people when they arrived and handed over a present and thanked them again when leaving.

Life is busy enough when you have young children without making more work.

I’ve always made mine write thank you notes in an age appropriate way that fitted with her abilities. So at 4 I would write most of the note and get her to write her name and the present giver’s name. At 5 I got her to write ‘thank you for my present’ on each card. At 6 I wrote down what each person had given her and got her to do a personalised thank you for everyone. I tell her that these people have gone out and spent their money on her and the least she can do is spend 5 minutes writing them a thank you.

God, what a drama.

A child saying thank you for a party bag when handed to them is fine, no one's asking for a thank you note for a party bag!! It takes time, thought and money to choose and wrap a gift and it is nice to have that acknowledged.

It takes time, thought and money to choose and prepare a party bag, too. Would it be nice to have that acknowledged?

The biggest challenge is people who don't write names on gifts, an occasional child who spends so long on a nice drawing that they forget to sign their card, gifts just dumped in an unlabelled bag and other ways to disguise who gave the present. Despite that, we manage to mostly track down who gave what and send a thank you text that evening plus a couple of party photos. Sometimes the text might have to say "We got confused between the 3 Williams at the party, are we right that you gave X? He loves it!". The one whose mum didn't RSVP but brought him anyway, doesn't get a thank you because I don't have a phone number for her.

I think we get a thank you text from about half the parties, maybe 3/4. We get about one handwritten thank you note each year, always a girl, I'm not up to wasting weeks of our lives to force DS to do that at this stage. If there wasn't so much homework then I would for the writing practice. We get thank you texts from most party guest parents, about 1/4 within the hour and a few with photos, the rest after they get their thanks for the gift later that night (so no idea if it would have been sent without that). I always send a thank you for the party plus photos when we are guests too.

I'm not bothered about whether we are thanked or not by the parents who came to our party or whose party we went to, everyone is just trying to make it through the day sometimes.

We just did thank yous at the time. No need for a written thank you when you've said it verbally. Especially no pint in the parent sending a text?!? The gift wasn't for them. Plus I wouldn't have had contact details for all the parents but maybe that's more normal now.

Not in UK, and parties are smaller and more low-key here.

We start the party by sitting down together and birthday child opens each gift and thanks the giver. I make a point of praising something specific about the gift. Parents have usually asked beforehand what child wants. Value is €10-15, although we do live in quite an affluent area of Germany. Kids tend to invite 1 child per year of new age.

DS(8) gets a pep talk beforehand that his guests have thought a lot about the gift and if they get it slightly - or very - wrong, we say thank you because of the thought and time that’s gone into it. This has been useful with family members.

Presents are usually beautifully wrapped and, for older kids/adults, usually involve a homemade element.

Money presents are intricately folded into origami or otherwise presented in an artistic- homemade- way.

Completely agree

Then it's half an hour of texting, at some point during the following week. Not really coal mining

But that is ‘coal mining’ for some. No way would we have had even that to spare when our kids were young. If that was the expectation, I would have much rather said no presents up front to save the drama of ‘having’ to do this.

That's what the party bag is for

I get quite irked by the lack of thanks for gifts, parties and meals. I accept that texts are now the norm and they are quick and easy. How difficult is it to text “ Thanks for the scented candle. It smells great in my bathroom.”
if someone passes you a cup of tea you say “Thanks” don’t you?
A derail, I know because the thread is about children’s parties. I’m not sure about that one. Kids go through phases where they are going to Whacky Warehouses and Jungle Mayhems every other week. Encouraging your child to say thanks to the parents before they leave is probably ok.

I used to make a note of all the presents and thank people individually. When they had most of the class to a party, too. Took fucking ages. 🙈 Then someone typed and printed a generic one and gave that out, then it progressed to adding everyone to a Whatsapp group for the party and sending group thank yous. I vastly prefer the Whatsapp version.

I tied myself in knots trying so hard when DDs were small, to the detriment of my own wellbeing at times. I'd counsel any parent of young children to be more "Oh, fuck it!' from the start and to not bother your arse with doing things like writing 25 individual responses. Life is too short.

I send individual thank yous and now my DD is turning 4 and in pre school and then school this year I'll get her into the habit of thank you cards as think it's a nice gesture and she loves doing it for family

I don’t really see the point in individual thank you texts. An insincere “thank you so much for X. Little Arabella just loved it” written out to 30 individuals is not really any better than a group thanks. They are not going to tell you if they didn’t like it or that your present was tossed to the side after the Disney Lego appeared so it doesn’t really mean anything.

I personally have always reached out individually to parents to thank them for the gift and thank them for coming to the party. With my eldest who is 31, it was thank you notes. I remember having to speak on the phone to relatives to thank them for Christmas gifts and I hated it at the time, but it taught me good manners. It doesn’t take long to reach out to 15-20 parents. Parents might say they don’t have time, but they do.

It’s basic manners, and i’m very surprised so many think it’s unnecessary. Also shocking parents let them just open them all without knowing who bought what. Maybe it’s a generational thing. I hope my DC will feel it’s worthwhile. My friends and I always exchange messages on Christmas and birthdays (always on the day) to thank for the gift and make a comment about it. Do people think a FB post saying thanks for all the gifts excludes individual thank yous now?

When I did parties, I paid for a venue, food, entertainment, cake and party bag. The attendees, mostly, provided a gift. They thanked me and I thanked them at the end of the party. Why would anyone want more than that? OP, people like you are a bit of a menace.

I'm really shocked by this thread. For me it's not having 'having' to say thank you, but 'wanting' to say thank you.

Probably less time than many spend scrolling on here of an evening. I had 3 DC and worked full time, single parent. I still found time to send individual thank yous. People may choose not to do it, but of course they have time should they wish to do so. Clearly many parents don’t see much value in it but glad to see that at least some mums of young DC are doing it.

I don't text or write a card every time someone makes me a cup of tea telling them how delicious it was. I say thank you the same as myself or my son does if someone hands us a present. A verbal thank you is more than sufficient.