DH left me NOTHING in his will – devastated and fuming

[jackmd5]

I’m honestly reeling and don’t know what to do. DH of 15 years passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. It’s been a horrible time, and I’ve been dealing with everything – funeral, DC, paperwork, the lot – while also grieving.

I’ve just found out that he left NOTHING to me in his will. Not a penny. Everything has gone to his two DC from his first marriage, who are both adults and very comfortable financially. Our joint savings, the house (which is in his name, long story), even his personal possessions – all left to them. I get that he wanted to provide for them, but to leave me, his WIFE, completely out??! I am beyond hurt and also absolutely panicking because I have no idea where this leaves me financially.

He made the will before we were married, and I stupidly assumed he’d updated it. I trusted him. Never in a million years did I think he’d do this to me. I’ve raised our DC, supported him through thick and thin, and now I’m left with nothing??

I feel sick. I don’t even know where to start with legal stuff – does anyone know if I can challenge this? I can’t believe he’s done this. I thought we had a happy marriage. Just looking at his face in old photos makes me want to scream.

Has anyone been through anything similar? What did you do? I feel so betrayed.

You seem very angry at him about the will but then say you never got round to sorting the house or your own will and didn't see any urgency, so it sounds like it was more apathy than deliberately cutting you out? How did you find out about the will if you've not yet spoken with a solicitor?

I'm so sorry for your loss and all this stress. But I'm bewildered how anyone has minor children and doesn't have a will.
Have you not named guardians for them?
Do you have life insurance? If you don't then given you are all they have left please get insurance, a will and guardians sorted out ASAP, for your own peace of mind.

Is this just an English thing?

Married in Scotland and certainly didn’t “have everything clearly explained and make sure you’re entering the marriage of free will, fully informed”.

If I had then I possibly wouldn’t have got married, given I was the sole earner and with significantly more assets.

I agree with @Whycanineverthinkofone . All the advice to a woman is to get married “for protection”.

You don’t have to meet with the registrar before getting married to ensure the marriage is legal first? You don’t have to prove you actually know each other and aren’t being forced?

O/p. it may well be that he intentionally didn’t make a will, knew about intestate rules and was happy with that.

my brother is thinking about going this route. His adult children are now not speaking to him because they believe their mother’s story that he was the one who had an affair and blame him for splitting the family.

he doesn’t want to cut them out his will, because they’re his children. But he doesn’t want to leave them anything either because they’ve treated him like crap.

if he dies intestate then his current wife will get the house and the kids anything over it’s value. Seems a diplomatic way of doing it to me. Wife is provided for and children aren’t disinherited.

I assume he knew the minimum that you don’t need a will once married. He cannot leave marital assets to his kids. They’re yours.

Yes you meet with the registrar, but they don’t explain any legal ramifications of the contract in relation to property/assets, which is what the PP was suggesting.

Not when I got married in Scotland...We just saw the minister and provided our details. (Depending on the minister, you can have a second wedding in the Church of Scotland - I'm assuming that that's why Princess Anne's second wedding was in Crathie Kirk.)

ETA I recall that I had to take my birth certificate to the local registrar's office. Plus the banns were posted outside the office for a couple of weeks.

The PP is me.
I said couples SHOULD have to meet with a solicitor to learn about the ramifications of signing this legal document before they sign it. It should be part of the marriage process just as meeting with the registrar is.

Maybe your brother isn't as innocent as he protests. He is deliberately leaving a mess for his current wife to sort out, at a point when she will be grieving. He sounds like a catch.

@jackmd5 if you havent seen a solicitor yet, how do you know about the will??? who told you that you were left with nothing?

It isn’t a mess though. The procedure for who gets what is clearly set out in law.

Leaving a will can sometimes cause more problems when certain people don't agree with what's in it.

I only ever see the "get married for protection" advice when a woman is planning to reduce her income because of having a child.

What mess?

she knows there’s no will. She applies for letters of administration and distributes according to intestacy laws. No different to applying for probate and distributing according to a will.

in fact it may be less of a mess as there’s no will to contest or hold up with caveats. It’s a more straightforward process that no one can object to.

Don’t most married couples have a joint will?

There may be some obscure provision that's very rarely used for a couple to make interdependent wills, but the vast majority of couples who get a solicitor or willwriter to draw up wills get one each. They often call them mirror wills because the provisions are the same - e.g. 'I, X leave everything to my spouse Y, but if Y predeceases me, I leave everything to my children in equal shares' and 'I, Y leave everything to my spouse X, but if X predeceases me, I leave everything to my children in equal shares' . However, once the will is made, it's perfectly possible for the testator to destroy the will or make a new one (or lose it, or re-marry), so they cease to be mirrors.

Do let us know what the solicitors say OP. Really informative

It depends on the circumstances. It was my husband's second marriage an he he had two adult children. He made a will.

Since I had no children of my own, I didn't make a will, in the knowledge that everything would go to him under Scottish intestacy law. If I'd had children, I would have made a will.

This is a screenshot from a government website which explains what happens if someone with a spouse dies intestate from 2023 onwards.

www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will/y/england-and-wales/yes/after-jul-2023/yes

Yes, I see more people arguing against the idea that marriage is automatic protection for all women on here than arguing for.

Which isn't to say there isn't a need for proper education of course. I can see the benefits to people having to have the legal implications of marriage/CP explained before they enter into it, but the need is just as great for people to be fully informed of the implications if they choose unmarried cohabitation!

Is this different to all the other links above? It seems the same

I had to Google a joint will, Ive never heard the term, a relative of mine died recently so wills have been topic of conversation and no one in my family has anything like that

It depends on what you mean by marital assets. As long as the deceased leaves reasonable provision for their dependents, he can leave anything which is in his name, to whoever he likes, even if it is something that he and his wife shared, like a holiday home, car or family home.

In this particular case, the will is almost certainly invalid and the rules of intestacy should see his young family adequately provided for although I would expect there to be some additional support to be made for the young children to help fund them through to adulthood, as he did with his 2 older children.

It will feel unfair for his older kids to get less than they might have, but he's the one who decided to marry twice and have 4 children, 2 of whom are under 18: there will inevitably be less to go around to meet the obligations he chose to commit to.