DH left me NOTHING in his will – devastated and fuming

[jackmd5]

I’m honestly reeling and don’t know what to do. DH of 15 years passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. It’s been a horrible time, and I’ve been dealing with everything – funeral, DC, paperwork, the lot – while also grieving.

I’ve just found out that he left NOTHING to me in his will. Not a penny. Everything has gone to his two DC from his first marriage, who are both adults and very comfortable financially. Our joint savings, the house (which is in his name, long story), even his personal possessions – all left to them. I get that he wanted to provide for them, but to leave me, his WIFE, completely out??! I am beyond hurt and also absolutely panicking because I have no idea where this leaves me financially.

He made the will before we were married, and I stupidly assumed he’d updated it. I trusted him. Never in a million years did I think he’d do this to me. I’ve raised our DC, supported him through thick and thin, and now I’m left with nothing??

I feel sick. I don’t even know where to start with legal stuff – does anyone know if I can challenge this? I can’t believe he’s done this. I thought we had a happy marriage. Just looking at his face in old photos makes me want to scream.

Has anyone been through anything similar? What did you do? I feel so betrayed.

Agree. The intestacy provisions already do this job for us.

In addition to the legal advice can I just make a suggestion regarding money/family.

You just lost your husband, your adult stepchildren just lost their dad. When you thought your husband had died without leaving any provision for you you were all over the place - not just because of the possible hardship it would put you in but because you felt "betrayed" by his "carelessness". Money should be the least important thing in some ways but it does matter, and especially post death it gets linked to how much the dead person cared etc. I wouldn't assume your stepchildren's silence means you are "walking into a storm" they might just be dealing with their grief by retreating. But if they are awkward/bratty try to cut them some slack because people are really weird after someone dies. Likewise cut yourself slack too and don't say/do anything hasty. If it turns out its all yours/almost all yours you can think about what your partner would have wanted them to have if he had updated your will - but I wouldn't even discuss it with them until you find out the exact situation and had time to process it. Otherwise you could end up with more bad feeling and a big family rift which would be sad.

Sometimes arguing about money/getting really angry about trivial things is a displacement activity for grief and its unnusual if at least one person involved doesn't do it at some point post the death of a loved one. It doesn't mean that person is awful/selfish in the way it would in normal circumstances.

@biscuitandcake very well said.

Agreed!

Best post on the thread @biscuitandcake

Just to add to what @biscuitandcake said, I would assume that your stepchildren's silence is because they assume that you are sorting things out, don't want to appear pushy/greedy by asking what is happening and are probably wondering why you have not approached them.

Alternatively they might assume that your silence means they are getting nothing.

Not necessarily. Much depends on the value of the estate. The details have been explained several times by some knowledgeable posters,

Absolutely this.

Well it is the fault of the law makers if the general public are not fully aware of the law.

Getting married is a legal contract. Part of that is meeting with someone to have everything clearly explained and make sure you’re entering the marriage of free will, fully informed. If you can mange to survive the ordeal of that, I’m sure you can survive the ordeal of sitting down with a solicitor and having everything explained to you so can can make an informed decision about who you want to inherit from you.

How did you discover the contents of the will? Did you all his solicitor if they held one and then they showed it to you? Unless your husband also left his children with a copy there is no reason to think they even know about it.

In any case if it was made before your marriage (unless specifically in contemplation if that marriage) it was revoked by your marriage. So unless there is reason to believe there is a second will, he has died intestate and the intestacy rules apply.

If the figures I'm aware of are up to date (and you are in England/Wales) then:
First £322k to spouse
Personal property to spouse (chattels, not land or money)
Any jointly held or nominated property also passes freely and is not counted in the estate. So joint bank account, jointly owned house (I know yours isn't though) and pension/life insurance if he named you as beneficiary.

The remaining estate is then split as follows:
50% to spouse
50% divided between children equally.

You need legal advice obviously but as a very rough illustration based on an estate (including house) totalling £500k:
£322k to you plus contents of house, joint bank account etc.
£178k remaining of which you get 50% - another 89k (total 411k)
The other 89k split between children (4 so £22,250 each)
You may be able to hold your own children's shares on trust as part of the house value until they are 18. If so that would be another £44500 to factor in.
It may not be as bad as you think, though I understand you are worried.

Don't forget you should also be able to claim Bereavement Support Payment from the government. The lower rate isn't means tested. You need to claim within 3 months of death to get full entitlement as it won't be backdated.

Ignorance of law has never been accepted as a valid legal argument.

The pre-marraige meeting with someone is an anti-fraud against the State measure, introduced to prevent fraudulent contracts which gave one party or both access to citizenship rights and/or State funded services etc.
There is a social benefit to preventing fraudulent marraiges at the point of entry similar having an obligation for land transfers needing to be in writing so that the State gets its cut via a contract tax.

The basic requirement of marraige is that the individual getting married has the capacity to enter into the contract. By extension that individual will have the capacity to seek out the information needed to establish who may inherit.

The rights are per legal jurisdiction.
As pointed out if a couple have property in Scotland, Scottish law overwrites the "English" written will. So with your system they would require a will for every country they may own property in or die in.

I believe that people who are not fully informed and aware of their rights and the legal processes which are directly impacted by the act of getting married, do not have the capacity to enter into a contract.

Saying we don’t have an obligation to ensure people entering into a legal contract fully understand the implications of that contract is awful.

Agree with this. You're blaming him as though he did it deliberately...

I’m willing to bet the vast majority of people getting married do not understand the legal implications.

every thread on here, nearly 100% of posters will advise a woman to get married “for protection” seemingly without any understanding of the wider implications.

i was advised the same. With no consideration to the fact I owned my house, had assets, was the higher earner, and dh had nothing. So marriage ultimately protected him, not me, and made me more vulnerable as now he was legally entitled to half of everything I owned.

i now have to be doubly sure my will as watertight and goes to who I want, which is not dh. There is every chance if I don’t make a will marriage will mean he, then his kids when he dies, will get my assets. If I hadn’t married not only would I have been way better off if we split, but my assets would automatically go to my family should my will get lost or I die intestate.

Personal responsibility?

There is a clear difference between having the capacity to obtain information and choosing not to exercice that capacity to obtain information.

Exactly. Look at all the cases where people fall for obvious scams and ignore all the warning signs. Many of them then feel they should be compensated in full for their losses, which would be at the expense of the rest of us. No thanks.

If you are concerned about your will "getting lost" then the best option would be to lodge it with a solicitor. There is also I think some sort of national database which is a register of all wills kept.

Then you can just let your relatives know the name of the solicitor to contact in the event of your death. You don't have to reveal the contents of the will to them.

Absolutely and to add...
You could get married in another country and have every legal aspect explained to you beforehand. Move to a different country and none of what you was told applies any more. It's up to the individuals concerned to obtain whatever advice they need. I use marriage as the example as the process is largely recognised across borders/countries yet the implications and legal obligations differ greatly depending on where you are.

I wouldn't be mentioning that old will to anyone. Pop it back where you found it. It's void now anyway. No reason to cause issues. They all know you're married and have young children, therefore the estate will automatically pass to you.
I'm very sorry for your loss & wish you luck moving forward.

If your savings are in a joint account they automatically go to you. You may not even have to do probate depending on the amount. Actually if its joint then no probate needed!
If the will was written a long time ago you have your challenge there, that you were overlooked due to the timing of when it was written and his untimely death after your long marriage.
Get a solicitor asap.
What you'll likely get is a life interest in the house btw. Or u can buy them out.
Message me if you'd like more info, ive been in the same position, it can be long and drawn out depending on what the challenges are - ie. if his kids agree or not.

Well that was really shit advice. It’s situation dependent. I’m not sure why you took it.

I’m hearing a lot of he did this, he did that. You’re married - you BOTH need to take responsibility for your joint affairs. Most married couples have mirror wills but sounds like you’ve BOTH never done this and now that you’ve been caught out, you’re angry. Or am I wrong?

I agree - that advice is for a woman giving her a job to be a SAHM or taking on more childcare and going Part Time.

or for a young couple starting life together with no built up assets and are preparing to do so together

in yiur situation I would never recommend at all getting married!