DH left me NOTHING in his will – devastated and fuming

[jackmd5]

I’m honestly reeling and don’t know what to do. DH of 15 years passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. It’s been a horrible time, and I’ve been dealing with everything – funeral, DC, paperwork, the lot – while also grieving.

I’ve just found out that he left NOTHING to me in his will. Not a penny. Everything has gone to his two DC from his first marriage, who are both adults and very comfortable financially. Our joint savings, the house (which is in his name, long story), even his personal possessions – all left to them. I get that he wanted to provide for them, but to leave me, his WIFE, completely out??! I am beyond hurt and also absolutely panicking because I have no idea where this leaves me financially.

He made the will before we were married, and I stupidly assumed he’d updated it. I trusted him. Never in a million years did I think he’d do this to me. I’ve raised our DC, supported him through thick and thin, and now I’m left with nothing??

I feel sick. I don’t even know where to start with legal stuff – does anyone know if I can challenge this? I can’t believe he’s done this. I thought we had a happy marriage. Just looking at his face in old photos makes me want to scream.

Has anyone been through anything similar? What did you do? I feel so betrayed.

Surely by the time they are 21 she will be working again.

I am not awful, I just believe in ring fencing. Where children have a relationship with a parent, it is children first.

You are completely wrong. On intestacy the wife gets the first £322k and 50% of everything else plus all personal belongings.

Our house is excluded from the estate because we own it as joint tenants.

You forget they will inherit a house off their mum as well, a house he likely paid for when they were married. As marital assets are split so if he got a house, his ex will as well.

she may be working by the time they are 21 but her career will have taken a massive hit being a lone parent with no partner and no support. Plus grieving children who will need their mum.

i believe in fairness and not leaving people homeless when they’ve contributed to a marriage and to a home. Who’s paying to maintain the house? Stop it deteriorating into a shell? She’d be better walking away now than paying upkeep for 20 years with nothing to show for it.

but yes, be brutal. Take her home and everything she’s worked for away from her because her husband had children before he met her. Who he’s already paid to raise, years of child maintenance and financially supporting them. Who’s going to financially support her kids?

The house OP is currently living in was the family home. You’ve misread

So his ex was left homeless with the kids on divorce? I doubt it.

so he’ll have had to buy her out at the very least. So only half the house was from the first marriage.

we’re all concluding something from nothing here. We don’t know what his ex got in the divorce, what the o/p has contributed to or not. Like I said to buy his ex out he may have had to remortgage, so it may be o/p has paid that off so why should she not be entitled to her share?

to say no second wife should ever inherit her own home is ridiculous.

what he should have done was left his half the house in trust for the kids so she can’t disinherit them. Too late now. O/p can rectify by leaving the house to the kids when she dies.

How lovely

“Yes, the house was from his first marriage, and his older children did grow up there. He kept it after the divorce”

It’s irrelevant what the children will inherit from their mother. What if she remarried and her second husband has the same attitude as OP?

He was their dad just as much as he is the younger children’s dad. They should get the same.

Again, “can” doesn’t mean “will”.

Again, not all second wives. Seconds wives where there are existing children.

What a mess. You have my deepest sympathy OP . You shouldn't have to be dealing with this on top of everything else.

My partner didn't have a will at home. It was lodged with a solicitor. I assume you've contacted his solicitor by now and asked? Or checked other local solicitors?

What happened after you got legal advice?

By the OP's own admission, she has no will, so if it had been the other way around her husband would have had a similar mess. I am amazed that they didn't get the house into joint names or make wills, both ideally, especially given that he had older children to provide for too. He'd been organised enough to make a will after the divorce. It should have been high on the priority list to make a new one to reflect his changed position after marrying again and having more children. Guardianship should also have been covered.

BTW, on the matter of the joint savings, was the account in both your names or just his?

I corrected myself after this post - ops house isn’t jointly owned sadly.

Op what a awful situation. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and on top of the grief.

Let us know what your lawyer says. Money can bring out the worst in others be kind to yourself

where’s she going to get the money to house herself when the children are 21?

Well shes got several years living rent free to save a deposit, then the money she earns from a job can pay a mortgage on a flat.

If the joint savings were in joint names they are yours - even if the will says otherwise - you can take the money

I hardly think that his wife of 15 years can be classed as a “new friend” for all we know she’s been married to her husband longer than he was to his first wife.

Surely you and your children aren’t the priority? Ensuring the split is fair is your priority. It’s not your step-kids’ fault their dad didn’t write up a will. Be angry at him but do not screw them over.

I think it's rather unkind to be leaving comments about op being "a friend" - when her husband of x amount of years has died.

Bonkers that some people think this is a acceptable way of speaking to a grieving widow tbh

If my ex husband died, I wouldn’t dream of encouraging my daughter in to pursuing his wife for a payout and making her homeless after losing her husband. Who the hell does something that nasty? I already know that they have left joint wills and the estate is split three ways between all the children. She’ll just have to wait until she’s died.

The OP's kids' father has died too - why do you think they are not the priority - they are likely under 18 - so arguably of higher priority than the kids from his first marriage.

The fact it was the family home is as irrelevant as his ex wife leaving her children her home. The major point is that it's that the husband chose to get married again which is a legal contract and his wife will benefit from this. Exactly the same as my exhusband who has made a conscious decision to leave everything to his wife which he is entitled to do, it's his money and he doesn't have to leave it to our daughter.

My children will inherit 50/50 from me including the funds that I got from the house which I got when I divorced my exhusband which only produced my daughter, I'm not leaving my son out or giving him less. Its my money,my house and I can leave it to who I want, I want them to have 50/50 when I'm dead.

Our daughter is well taken care of and will get a lot of help in different ways to buy her own house, when the time comes so will my son.

Sure, if there is already provision for the child to receive when the wife dies, fine. But there isn’t and there won’t be unless the OP writes it. From what she has written - and of course this is in grief - it sounds like it’s about her and her kids mainly.

The fairest option is for:
OP to have some sort of right to live in the house until her DC is well and truly clear, eg age 25.
The house to then be split three ways between the kids.

This gives OP a hugely valuable right to live rent free for many years (her child is young) and save her own earnings to purchase a property to live in.

An alternative could be for op to also have her child's one third share on the basis she's likely to pass all her own assets on to them eventually. That would bolster a deposit for her to buy her own home while leaving a fair share to the kids.

Really hope it works out for you, OP. Keep us posted.