To say DH can’t get a dog

[DillyDallyDella]

Like everyone else, we’re financially stretched at the moment. I brought two (anxious, rescue) cats to the relationship, he brought three (expensive!) children, and together we have a baby in nursery and a sky-high mortgage.

We pay household bills 50/50 and he’s often run out of money by the end of the month. I already buy a lot of the things the children need. I pay for my cats; he pays his child maintenance. He has higher commuting costs and also smokes.

I don’t want a dog. He says he could take it to work twice a week but that’d still leave me working from home with it on the other days.

say no. Say it clearly and firmly and say I will work out of the home if I have to but I am not looking after your dog. I already pay for things for the children because you’re broke by month end- I won’t pay for a penny more because you’ve bought a dog and I won’t contribute a penny. I will instead tell their mum why you can’t pay, because she deserves to know that you’ve prioritised a dog over your children. The only reason you are thinking about it is because you think that m wishes don’t matter and it doesn’t matter if I am budgeting super carefully and skimping on everything that matters to me, so I can fund both your children and your whims. I won’t be in a relationship with a man who thinks that so do not buy a dog.

Not unreasonable to not want a dog that you will have to care for. Additionally dogs are expensive to care for properly. Food, toys, vet bills can really add up. If you're stretched thin as is a dog could very well break the bank. Wait until the cats have passed or the kids are grown and finances aren't so tight. Good luck!

Nope. I'm having the same convo with my DH.

It helped that we had a friend to stay recently with his dog and it was a bit of a nightmare, jumping up to the counters for food, constantly jumping on beds and sofas, moulting everywhere, and he also smelt.

Could you borrow an unruly, smelly dog?😃

To get any pet everyone in the house needs to be onboard with it, even if finances aren't an issue

We don't have any problems or money pits like you but I don't want a dog so we don't have a dog. Dh is a dog person as he puts it. His parents and sister have dogs but I don't like to have them. It takes two.

You could offer a dog sitting service, you get the income and your husband quickly finds the novelty wears off. The you can 'shut down' the service and forget the conversation until retirement!

Add up the cost of dog insurance, dog food, and a dog walker three days a week, then show him the monthly cost.

Make it clear you will not be walking his dog or contributing to the costs.

If he is stupid enough to buy a dog he can't afford, wake him at 5am to walk it. 🙄

Hard no!!

Why do people get these stupid ideas of taking on a pet with no actual idea of what's involved?

Dogs cost a lot so where is he going to get the money to pay for food, vet bills, insurance, etc when he's already running out of money before the end of the month? Then walking it every day at least 2 times a day?

Your DH is being a twit!!

Adding a pet is like adding another child. They are expensive and (in the nicest possible way) a burden!
I say that as a mum of multiple children who also has pets.
You are being realistic about this.
He is being ridiculous about this.

I've got 2 dogs and it is hard work. A big responsibility and cost. My 2 are insured payment comes out monthly, vet bills cost, flea, worm treatment etc cost, food, dog groomer, all the things that come with a dog e.g. food dishes, toys, collar, harness, lead.
You have to feed them and give them fresh water throughout day. You need to exercise them throughout the day and if you go on holiday you need to arrange care and that is a cost to think about.

If you can't afford a dog, then it's unfair to get one really, apart from any of the other very valid points you have against doing so.

My small terrier costs me about £200 a month, and that's just for basics like decent food and insurance, worming/flea treatment, grooming and the odd toy/treats.

I've been there and it's a no from me. My partner already had a dog when I moved in and the dog went to work with him every day. One day in the middle of high Summer, he asked me if I am OK with the dog being at home as it's too hot for her at work. I said yes. And I said yes on a couple of more hot days. And then over time the dog stopped going to work altogether. While it's nice to be out and about at lunchtime, I did not sign up for this life. When my dog-caring duties started creeping to weekends as well, I went on strike. The dog was quickly reinstated as an employee at that point but she still seems to have a lot of time off. She was at work this morning but I guess she called in sick as was dropped off back to me at 11.

Your finances don't support what you have now.

That would be a no, dog.

He fucking throws away money on smoking.

No, he can't get a dog. He's not a fucking teenager. You've got more than enough on your plate and he doesn't sound remotely sensible enough to look after a sentient being (which will end up being rehomed). Selfish bastard. End of conversation.

No. Dogs can be very expensive. Times not right.

Regardless of finances (which point to no), everyone in the household needs to be on board with getting the dog (especially the adults). If one of you isn’t, then a dog is a no go

In your situation I would absolutely refuse to get a dog, to the extent that I would go and work in a cafe or coworking space rather than be responsible for the dog while also wfh.

Why does he want a dog, and why does he want a dog right now? I'd suggest he volunteer for a rescue, but he has 4 kids.

He doesn’t want a dog, he wants you to get a dog that he can occasionally play with or walk if he feels like it.

You would be meeting all the expenses as he already runs out of money. You would be caring for it all day as you wfh. So it would be you getting the dog and you don’t want one. Tell him no!

If he gets one, make sure he knows you’ll be working outside the home from that moment, and the extra cost of that will absorb any free income you have, so the costs will be all on him including of a dog sitter for the daytimes.

As usual the first response nails it

You already have far too much on your plate at the moment.

It's not even about finances. You have two anxious cats, so you have to put them first, therefore it's a no because it would be incredibly stressful and unfair for them.

I’d be open to it when the baby is at school and the cats are no longer with us, if he pays for it and does all the walking, but not otherwise.

Tell him if he stops smoking, and can sustain it for 6 months so you know it permanent, he can have a dog

Totally reasonable to say no. I have a dog, always have had dogs and love my dog, but they are a lot of work (as well as time and money) and I’d always say that if the whole household isn’t 100% onboard with getting a dog then it’s not right to get one.

Dogs are such a big part of a household, totally change the dynamic and routine of everybody, having to walk daily, 24/7 training for basically the best part of 12 months, even after that you then always have to factor them in to weekends away/holiday plans/nights out/days out, it’s a big change and if you’re not all 100% for it then it has to be a no.