To say DH can’t get a dog

[DillyDallyDella]

Like everyone else, we’re financially stretched at the moment. I brought two (anxious, rescue) cats to the relationship, he brought three (expensive!) children, and together we have a baby in nursery and a sky-high mortgage.

We pay household bills 50/50 and he’s often run out of money by the end of the month. I already buy a lot of the things the children need. I pay for my cats; he pays his child maintenance. He has higher commuting costs and also smokes.

I don’t want a dog. He says he could take it to work twice a week but that’d still leave me working from home with it on the other days.

I have two small dogs and I’ll be honest the cost generally is minimal. That said, I just had a vet bill of close to grand. I’m prepared for the unexpected expense though and knew the dogs meant sacrifice of my time and holidays etc. when I got the dogs it was affordable and I decided no matter what I’d make it work in the years to come. Had me and my ex of been in your situation it would have been downright selfish for me to have got them and I wouldn’t have added that stress and strain. He cannot afford to pay for his kids nevermind a dog!

the dog person in me would say yes to a dog providing he quits smoking and is smoke free for a year then we can look at a dog.

My OH would like a dog, but I'm a firm no, so we are not having one! I would rather divorce than have a dog!

I think it very much depends on the dog. Leaving aside annual vet checks and vaccinations, our dog doesn't cost us an awful lot. There are no grooming fees, she gets through a large bag of kibble from Costco in about 6 weeks so that's under £30 for food, £20 for insurance and I get a pack of tennis balls for £9.99 intermittently. Chewies are about £15 and bags are 79p from Lidl.

My cats cost me over £150 a month, and there’s no training, grooming, walking or kennels involved so I’m aware a dog would be expensive.

He sounds like a child asking mummy for a doggy.

Also, why are you paying 50/50 and for extra stuff for HIS children while he sits there puffing away on cigarettes at £14.10 a packet. Why are you including your two cats in the household members equation as if the cats were extra children. Is he saying your one (joint, don't forget) child and your two cats are the financial burden equivalent of his three kids.

He's taking the piss quite enough already without a fucking dog. He saw you coming didn't he.

Its not just the money. I am a committed dog lover would still have them if it was possible but if you are getting any pet then ALL the adults in the house need to agree to it for the sake of the animal.

Dogs are expensive when cared for properly, I have 2’spaniels, basic costs (food,
insurance, health plan which covers vacs, flea treatments and wormers) comes in at £300 a month, then there’s the ad hoc expenses, holiday boarding £45 per day, then there’s time commitment, I spend at least 2 hours a day walking mine and also can’t leave them home alone for more than 3 hours - I know lots of people leave them much longer but I won’t with mine. Unless your both on board and can spare a couple of grand a year then don’t do it, it wouldn’t be fair on the dog.

If he's often run out of money before the end of the month and you are already buying a lot of the things his kids needs then it shouldn't be too complicated for him to understand that he can't afford a dog.

I think you should stop financially subsidising the commitments he already can't meet. If you keep taking on his responsibilities, he probably just assumes you will do the same thing with his responsibilities to the dog. This is immature and unattractive. When he runs out of money ask him how he's going to feed his imaginary dog until payday.

I think you should stop financially subsidising the commitments he already can't meet. If you keep taking on his responsibilities, he probably just assumes you will do the same thing with his responsibilities to the dog. This is immature and unattractive. When he runs out of money ask him how he's going to feed his imaginary dog until payday.

This.

I suggest you tell him it's me or the dog.

I would already be fuming having a partner smoking when he has 4 children to care for. The dog would be an absolute no until he sorted out his money management and committed to take full care of it.

My DH wants one too. I told him if he gets one, it will be HIS dog and I will NEVER walk it, nor let it out to use the toilet. Not ever. So if he wants one, he needs to make it work independently. I carry the mental load for the children and pets we already have, and work FT. I will not take on any more responsibility. End of.

Say no!

Your husband wouldn't be getting a dog, the whole family would be getting a dog. A pet isn't something that one person in a household can have, because when that one person isn't around, everyone else has to step up and look after the pet.

And the winner of the argument "Should we get a dog" should always be the person who doesn't want a dog.

I don't like cats. DP is a massive cat person. I always said I didn't want a cat, so we didn't get a cat. Over lockdown I made a decision that we could get a cat. I had stipulations, I would not be responsible for the cat, I would not feed it, I would not deal with its litter tray. And it would not be allowed in our bedroom.

I made those three demands with the assumption that they would be broken, and that I would have to deal with that stuff, because I would be a pet owner. To be fair to DP and DD, they've been very good about the first two. I end up having to feed the cat maybe once every few months (the cat luckily thinks I'm too thick to open the food cupboard), and I've never had to deal with the litter box. The cat is currently sat on the end of my bed because lets be fair, that one was unrealistic on my part.

I still don't like cats. I do however love our cat, because that is part of pet ownership. I still dislike owning a cat, but that's noones fault but my own, because it was my choice.

You don’t get one simply because you don’t want one. He can’t bring a pet in to the house if he is the only one who wants one it’s not fair

Absolutely not unreasonable, my dog ownership costs are at least £400 per month although I do make limited use of daycare/walkers

No don’t get a dog, if you don’t want one, you both need to be fully onboard to get a dog, they are such a commitment. We absolutely loved our dog, we had him before the kids, from a pup until he was PTS at nearly 13, but I would never ever get another dog, but my circumstances very different to yours.

Absolutely this.

I've always wanted a dog, but over the years the extremely illuminating threads on here about what's really involved in dog ownership has really put me off.

The final straw came with the thread a couple of years back about all dogs eating faeces if they could - from nappies in bins to actually out of a dog's bum while stood next to them pooing (so the confused dog couldn't figure out where their poo had gone)!

Totally gross and it's made me adore our clean and beautifully behaved cats even more!

We just spent $5000 on treatment for our dog for a freak inflammation she somehow acquired. Thankfully we have a savings account specifically for this but of course that’s now empty again so we’re hoping nothing else goes wrong. Dogs are expensive and a huge commitment. As much as I love mine I won’t be having any more after they go. Just say no to your husband, this needs to be something everyone is on board with and can afford!

No way. My dog costs me a fortune!

Food (yes you can buy cheap stuff but it’s crap quality and not good for a dog long term)

Insurance (definitely worth having unless he can rustle up a few grand instantly in an emergency which it doesn’t sound like he can)

Walkers and holiday care for when I’m out for a long day or away

Grooming appointment every 6 weeks

Vets bills (even with insurance it’s often not worth claiming due to the excess)

Toys/beds/leads/collars/harness/car seat etc

Routine flea and worm treatment

Neutering

Training classes (highly recommended unless you want an asshole dog)

In my case I have additional expenses due to competing in a sport with my dog so I have entry fees, travel, regular chiropractic checks for doggo.

It all adds up to a LOT of money every month, and my dog is young and healthy, it will only get more expensive as she gets older.

Absolutely. Otherwise it just becomes another cause for resentment, and that's not fair.

This - next time he asks for money you say
no, I don’t have it, and if you had bought a dog youd be planning for it to starve till next month would you? I wouldn’t pay but I would report you to the rspca.

Well when a woman on here wants an animal they are told just do it he will have to put up with it there has been numerous threads saying this he can leave if he doesnt like it

but no unless everyone wants one then it is not fair on the animal

He expects you to spend 3 of your working days each week looking after a dog you don’t want? And financially subsidise a dog you don’t want? He’s being totally unreasonable.

Do you really want to be out in all weathers picking up dog shit? Dogs are a massive time and effort commitment, much more so than cats. It’d be a firm and non-negotiable no from me.

Tell him when he fully funds his children and has money left over every month for a year, you will discuss it. He doesn't pay for his own children. Selfish manbaby wants a dog.

Usually because it's the woman doing all the care anyway.