Can't be bothered to meet friend

[YourChirpyCoralAnt]

I have one friend who only ever wants to go to the pub and drink and find men.

I am married. I meet her once a month and cave every time to go to the pub. I have made other suggestions such as dinner etc and she knocks them down in favour of the pub.

It's just not my scene anymore. I wouldn't mind going once there and then the next month for dinner but it's always on her terms.

We are meeting Thursday and I've said adamantly I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

I dont want to sit and drink wine on a Thursday night in a pub full of teenagers and people and to be honest if my husband had a mate that was constantly on the lookout and bringing women over to the table to join them I wouldn't be too impressed.

Am I being unreasonable if I cancel if she won't at least do my suggestion at least once. 🙄. I just simply don't enjoy that scene anymore.

I wouldn’t go. You can’t do what she wants every time but it sounds like she’s only using you so she doesn’t look daft going on her own.

Just cancel. It's not your thing anymore and that's fine.

I couldn't think of anything worse these days.

Well I'd be replying to her "no we are going to the pub" text telling her she can go where she wants but you're pig sick of the pub so she can find someone else to go with.

YANBU OP. Sounds tedious beyond belief.

Meeting men in a pub what year does she think it is? 1991? May as well order in some Diamond White!!!

That’s the thing though - I go to this one pub on my own to use their WiFi - and get loads of male attention!!

I just hate it!!!

We are in our 40s. I just want to go for dinner ffs 🤣

Gastro pub or one that serves good food anywhere near you?

If it's just a drinking den she likes, I'm with you. I don't go just for drinks anymore, but I don't mind a nice pub that does food. I can cope with that.

It's not your scene. You have tried to make other suggestions.. could you give it one last go before you cancel?- "Hi friend, not really in the mood for sitting in the (Red Lion,) on Thursday.. do you fancy going to xyz for a catch up instead?- (you could even suggest a quick pit stop in the pub on the way home as a compromise if that might work.)
If she says its pub or nothing, just say you're going to give it a miss this time as like you've said, you don't fancy the pub again but happy to meet on m/t/w for a coffee and catch up of she's free.
You really can't always do what everyone else wants all the time. It's people pleasing behaviour that will eventually eat you up! (Spoken as a long time people pleaser!)
Do come back and tell us the outcome.
I've been here sooo many times..!

I told a friend that I absolutely wouldn't do this anymore

she was cross and said "but I don't want to do anything else". The friendship tailed off. I couldn't get her to go to a gallery or anything.

I think you need to stand your ground.

It's her way or the highway by the sounds of it and that makes her a shit friend. Does she have many other friends?

It sounds very one sided as she always wanting her way, do you like her? What are you getting out of the friendship? X

I would suggest a pub that does food and also get her on some dating sites. Will she not even do dinner then pub for a bit?

Doesn’t sound as though you’re getting much out of this friendship.
I’d hate the set up that you’re being taken along as company while she scouts out the pub for men. Not really because she wants to catch up with you.
My social life is precious, I do get quite a lot of time to meet up with friends these days as my dc are older but I’m also older and more selective about what I want to do with my time so I’d be cancelling and being honest about why.

I don't think you should go. It isn't something you enjoy and she cannot dictate what you do every time. It does seem as if she isn't that interested in spending time with you - she just wants a wingwoman

You're not a friend she meets up with, you're her wing woman. She has no interest in you as a person, youre just someone to sit next to her breathing in and out and keeping the mate occupied if she pulls. She needs to go out with other single women with the same aspirations for the evening. She's also likely the type to drop you like a hot brick if she finds a man so I'd get in first. And I don't often advise dropping a friend, but this type of using really grinds my gears.

I can’t understand why she can’t go on her own and take her phone

men take interest in lone females - in my experience

You've got your chap, she's still trying to find hers. She wants a wing woman to support her, I thin it is a bit unreasonable to say I'm alright Jack, so lets go to a restaurant instead. Cant you find something that works for you both, a drink at a bar in town, then dinner and back to a pub to finish the evening off?

People always tend to tell singles to get out and meet someone- its bloody hard if none of your friends want to!!!

Aye, predatory interest. It attracts entirely the wrong sort and is dangerous.

I've said we can rotate? Pub one time..meal another time. Its a straight no.

Can't you alternate on the evening though? I'd be worried if a friend said lets alternate occasions that they'd then cancel on "my" nights.

Fair enough

Suggest online dating?

Fine, she’ll have to go on her own then or with a different friend. She can’t make you go!

Why is she trying to cruise for guys when she’s supposed to be having a catch up with you?
Sounds like you’ve moved on from whatever first connected you both. Time to do the slow fade. People enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. She’s a seasonal friend.

I think you need to tell her she is a user snd selfish. Since when does she tell you with a straight no "we are going to the pub"
I think it is time to let this friendship go, she does not value you.