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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't be bothered to meet friend

105 replies

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 10/03/2025 20:00

I have one friend who only ever wants to go to the pub and drink and find men.

I am married. I meet her once a month and cave every time to go to the pub. I have made other suggestions such as dinner etc and she knocks them down in favour of the pub.

It's just not my scene anymore. I wouldn't mind going once there and then the next month for dinner but it's always on her terms.

We are meeting Thursday and I've said adamantly I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

I dont want to sit and drink wine on a Thursday night in a pub full of teenagers and people and to be honest if my husband had a mate that was constantly on the lookout and bringing women over to the table to join them I wouldn't be too impressed.

Am I being unreasonable if I cancel if she won't at least do my suggestion at least once. 🙄. I just simply don't enjoy that scene anymore.

OP posts:
sandrapinchedmysandwich · 10/03/2025 20:54

Jeschara · 10/03/2025 20:52

I think you need to tell her she is a user snd selfish. Since when does she tell you with a straight no "we are going to the pub"
I think it is time to let this friendship go, she does not value you.

This. Who does she think she is? Let her go on her own from now on

Mmhmmn · 10/03/2025 20:56

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

toomuchfaff · 10/03/2025 20:57

I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

In that case, have a good time, see you another time.

OverthinkingOlive · 10/03/2025 20:57

When you're in this pub does she even talk to you or is she eyeballing every man in the room and doing some sort of pick me signal? She sounds desperate.

HeyDoodie · 10/03/2025 20:59

Just tell her you’ll pass as you’re bored of the pub, it’s not your thing. If she has other suggestions to let you know.

then stand firm

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 10/03/2025 21:02

@YourChirpyCoralAnt It must be going round, a colleague in her 50's was telling me recently that she's fallen out with her friend "Jane" because for her (colleagues) recent birthday she wanted to go for a quiet dinner with a few friends, but Jane insisted they needed to go clubbing instead so she could meet a man.
Colleague refused as apart from anything else she'd probably bump into her DD in there and it would be hard to say which would find that more horrifying, so Jane threw a strop and has refused to talk to her since. Just baffling!

Eldermilleniallyogii · 10/03/2025 21:06

I'd just reply

I don't fancy the pub so I'll give it a miss in that case

Velmy · 10/03/2025 21:09

Your 'friend' sounds sad, boring and above all, selfish. Not somebody I'd be wasting my social time with.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 10/03/2025 21:12

She’s not your friend, but you’re her drinking buddy/pulling partner.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/03/2025 21:17

Sometimes you out grow a friendship, sounds like this one has come to its end op.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 10/03/2025 21:25

Ask her why only what she wants to do matters.

See how she answers that bugger.

BarbieGirl2025 · 10/03/2025 21:32

Definitely not being unreasonable. Your feelings count too and if you don’t want to go then don’t.

Rofhdj · 10/03/2025 21:35

Why does going to the pub mean you’re sitting with teenagers? Could you not do dinner then the pub? Or nice pub that serves food?

soarklyknobs · 10/03/2025 21:43

Could you set her up with one of you husband's mates? Or one of your single male friends/family member?

It could be that she's lonely and what she really wants to do is meet someone to spend the rest of her life with. You may not want to help her pull a random in the pub, but is there anyone else that you work with, that your husband works with etc, who may be up for a blind date with her?

5128gap · 10/03/2025 21:48

Rofhdj · 10/03/2025 21:35

Why does going to the pub mean you’re sitting with teenagers? Could you not do dinner then the pub? Or nice pub that serves food?

Different sort of pub. The OPs mate wants a bar where people drink a lot and men approach women. In a lot of towns that means you've a choice between a bar full of under 25s or Weatherspoons and the chancers.

Devianinc · 10/03/2025 21:52

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 10/03/2025 20:00

I have one friend who only ever wants to go to the pub and drink and find men.

I am married. I meet her once a month and cave every time to go to the pub. I have made other suggestions such as dinner etc and she knocks them down in favour of the pub.

It's just not my scene anymore. I wouldn't mind going once there and then the next month for dinner but it's always on her terms.

We are meeting Thursday and I've said adamantly I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

I dont want to sit and drink wine on a Thursday night in a pub full of teenagers and people and to be honest if my husband had a mate that was constantly on the lookout and bringing women over to the table to join them I wouldn't be too impressed.

Am I being unreasonable if I cancel if she won't at least do my suggestion at least once. 🙄. I just simply don't enjoy that scene anymore.

She sounds like so much fun. She needs a wing man and she thinks your it. Just you’re not doing that anymore and it’s either or not. You’re not into club hopping anymore. Just writing that sounds depressing.

CandyCane457 · 10/03/2025 21:53

She sounds bold as brass, so when you suggest a meal she literally responds with “no, we’re going to the pub.” ?!

I can’t imagine having a friend like that, it sounds rubbish. You clearly value the friendship but I wonder if it’s run it’s course.

Id cancel this next mate date and say “just thinking about Thursday, i know I’ve mentioned to you a few times now that I’d quite fancy going for dinner with you but you always refuse this and say we must go to the pub… it’s my turn now to refuse your suggestion… hope you understand but I just don’t enjoy the atmosphere in there any more. Let me know if you fancy a dinner out soon x”

Chesticov · 10/03/2025 21:54

Eldermilleniallyogii · 10/03/2025 21:06

I'd just reply

I don't fancy the pub so I'll give it a miss in that case

Yep this ⬆️

Crikeyalmighty · 10/03/2025 21:55

@YourChirpyCoralAnt oh Christ- I had a friend totally like this- her name doesn't start with A does it?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 10/03/2025 21:57

Just say no to her. She demands the pub every time because she knows you'll cave.

Just say "Don't fancy the pub, we'll give it a miss for now then."

Next time round she'll either be less inclined to pop poo your suggestion or she wasn't that good a friend to begin with.

Zanatdy · 10/03/2025 22:00

I’d 100% cancel if she is so inflexible and wants it on her terms only. Say sorry I don’t want to go to the pub so if you’re not up for dinner then let’s cancel this month.

Lanifers · 10/03/2025 22:01

Yanbu sounds dire

PodgePie · 10/03/2025 22:07

I feel a little bit sorry for your friend, I understand you’re happy but maybe she’s looking for the same contentment? Would it be so arduous to give her an hour in a pub & possibly help her find someone?

bellocchild · 10/03/2025 22:11

Just say, 'Count me out!'.

autisticbookworm · 10/03/2025 22:14

Does she have many other friends to socialise with? It sounds like she really wants to meet someone and this is an opportunity to do it. But I agree i would be irritated if my presence was only required to be someone's wing woman.

It's fine to say no/cancel but I'd be considerate that she might be a bit lonely. Had she tried online dating?

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