Can't be bothered to meet friend

[YourChirpyCoralAnt]

I have one friend who only ever wants to go to the pub and drink and find men.

I am married. I meet her once a month and cave every time to go to the pub. I have made other suggestions such as dinner etc and she knocks them down in favour of the pub.

It's just not my scene anymore. I wouldn't mind going once there and then the next month for dinner but it's always on her terms.

We are meeting Thursday and I've said adamantly I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

I dont want to sit and drink wine on a Thursday night in a pub full of teenagers and people and to be honest if my husband had a mate that was constantly on the lookout and bringing women over to the table to join them I wouldn't be too impressed.

Am I being unreasonable if I cancel if she won't at least do my suggestion at least once. 🙄. I just simply don't enjoy that scene anymore.

I do. But if I dont go, I don't get to see her.

@YourChirpyCoralAnt - I think you have nothing to lose by being a bit blunt.

"Enid - we have been to the bloody pub every single time we've met up for ages, because that's what you want to do. It would be really nice if, just once, we could do what I want to do - ie go out for a meal. I have had a very difficult few weeks, and the last thing I want to do is to go to the pub and watch you trying to pick up men.

We always do what you want - it's my turn to choose this time."

If she is actually a good friend, she will accept this, and see how unfair she has been, and if she isn't, she will strop off and you won't have to put up with the pub visits any more.

She has indeed stropped off.

I do, but if I don't go, I don’t get to see her

And what's the down side?

I said this.

Hey *** was just thinking about Thursday. I really want to have a good catch up and would really love to do that somewhere we can hear each other and have a bottle of wine over a meal. Absolutley will come to the pub with you next time but this time was hoping we could do something a bit more relaxed on this occassion and spend some actual time together. X

She said what's wrong with the pub?

I replied: I just fancy a change and a proper catch up

She replied: we can do that there? It's close to my house for me to get home, is everything ok with you, I'm worried about you getting old with your dinner suggestions

Worried about you getting old because you've suggested dinner?? She needs to grow up. How old is she? It sounds like you've grown apart.

I think you just aren’t compatible friends anymore. She’s only willing to stay on that track and that’s fine but she can’t expect everyone else to come with her.

I would just reply and say ‘happy to alternate pub and dinner but if you aren’t then I suggest we just cancel this time and you let me know when you are up for a meal/coffee. I love seeing you but we all grow and change and, for me anyway, the pub isn’t my ideal night so I thought we could alternate. Anyway, hope to see you soon. X x’

Ok but she is on the hunt, so if it only once a month that makes it 2 months before she gets her next opportunity if you rotate. Or suggest she finds some more friends to go hunting with so she gets out more often. Poor thing, she only wants attention😍

OP, you are not being unreasonable at all! Your friend sounds very selfish and inflexible. You've been kind in offering her a compromise (doing the pub every second outing) - and it's frankly awful of her to still be so insistent on having her way 100 percent of the time.

Given your latest update, I think you'd be justified in holding your ground. If you want to be kind, I suppose you could suggest a nicer pub further afield (preferably with decent food) so at least you aren't stuck with the same old place. But I suspect she'll push back on that, too.

Sadly, I think this friendship has run it's course. But OP, if that's the case, it's all on her, not you.

Is there a chance money is the kicker? Is she nursing one drink all night?

Well then, you’ve said it yourself. You’re being used to go to the pub with her because she doesn’t want to go herself.

wow -

I think you need to be super blunt and just leave it with her.

"Sorry, pub doesn't work for me this time. Let me know if you're up for dinner or else see you another time."

No. No money issues x

Blimey she's not budging. Tell her to do online dating.

Do you have other friends? Does she?

That's what I'd do. She just wants a wing woman.

Time to tell her the truth.
The pub every time is boring and you are tired of her only thinking of what she wants to do.

“Enid - you always get to choose where we go - when is it MY turn to choose?”

Yeah both have other friends- she literally has another couple of girls she goes out with to meet men etc...so not sure why mine has to be that as well

I’m sure some of them are highly polished 🙄 but most I’ve ever come across on building projects f and blind continually and aren’t exactly charmers.

She doesn't sound like a very good friend at all if she won't compromise this one time. It also comes across like she's just using you as a chair filler whilst she tries to find a man and doesn't really care about you or your friendship as long as she gets her own way.

It doesn't unless you let it

Then don't see her - she's obviously not bothered about seeing you unless you do exactly as she demands. What a shit friend.

Friendship means you care about each other and enjoy time together. Wherever and whatever you do, friends compromise
She's using you as her wingwoman to go on the pull
Stand firm and say that doesn't suit you and you'll give it a miss
If she values your friendship, she'll be in contact again.

Sorry but I agree with this

It doesn't have to be
You can tell her you won't be doing it any more