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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't be bothered to meet friend

105 replies

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 10/03/2025 20:00

I have one friend who only ever wants to go to the pub and drink and find men.

I am married. I meet her once a month and cave every time to go to the pub. I have made other suggestions such as dinner etc and she knocks them down in favour of the pub.

It's just not my scene anymore. I wouldn't mind going once there and then the next month for dinner but it's always on her terms.

We are meeting Thursday and I've said adamantly I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

I dont want to sit and drink wine on a Thursday night in a pub full of teenagers and people and to be honest if my husband had a mate that was constantly on the lookout and bringing women over to the table to join them I wouldn't be too impressed.

Am I being unreasonable if I cancel if she won't at least do my suggestion at least once. 🙄. I just simply don't enjoy that scene anymore.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/03/2025 20:49

@OldCottageGreenhouse and @ForRealCat -the OP has gone to the pub with her friend every single time they have gone out together, so I’m not sure why she is the one who needs to compromise here, when her friend won’t contemplate meeting up for a meal even once!

Createausername1970 · 11/03/2025 21:28

Iceandfire92 · 10/03/2025 23:22

It must be very difficult for your friend being single and looking at this time in her life. Friends all being coupled up and constantly busy with family commitments with no interest in girls nights out any more/having a few drinks/shock horror staying up past 10pm. Or the dreaded coffee and cake. Nights out seem to take forever to organise as everyone is just so busy, she's probably incredibly lonely.

It's far easier in your 20's as there are usually more options, more people go on nights out and not as many people are settled down. A lot of the decent men are sadly taken so she is probably panicking. It is really difficult to meet men on your own, many women wouldn't feel comfortable going out alone. I've seen friend's dating apps, the options on there are ghastly. Why not compromise and alternate the nights out with dinner and drinking, I do feel for your friend. Your meet up could be the only time she goes out and she probably feels that she won't meet anyone if you're just having dinner and going home.

Edited

I think OPs issue is that OP has suggested this exact compromise and it has been declined.

I am with the OP on this one. I couldn't think of anything more dire than being a married gooseberry while a friend was on the pull.

Banrockmystation · 11/03/2025 21:45

No need to meet her. Just say that the pub isn’t your scene any longer so you won’t be going. You understand if she still likes it that’s fine but you won’t meet there anymore.

ITryHarder · 16/03/2025 15:18

Your friend's not looking for a partner or she wouldn't be shacking up with married men. She wants a roll in the hay and is using you to get it, and she's one hell of a desperate woman. Man up and tell her what you told us, that you don't enjoy it anymore, or you may wind up loosing your own partner. Grow a spine and stop being at her beck and call. You might then find out just how much of a friend she really is since, so far, you're blinding yourself to it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/03/2025 15:20

You’ve moved on. Nothing wrong with that.

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