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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

18 year old solo traveler. Would you allow this?

264 replies

Pippyls67 · 10/03/2025 10:48

My Ds wants to travel. I’ve never traveled with him. Budget constraints and I’m a very nervous person who has chronic depression and avoids new things . All rather sad for him but I’m glad to say he wants to break out and do it anyway. I have some money saved now and can afford to finance him. AI B U tho to let him go alone. He doesn’t have friends who want to travel at all. Would you say yes or do you think I should insist he goes on an organised young persons type thing instead. I don’t know if any at all though. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? He wants to see and experience things as he’s been terribly sheltered and constrained by me I’m ashamed to say. I’m proud and pleased he wants to grow in confidence himself and live a lot more. What do people think? Any and all advice and suggestions welcome. He loves the idea of Scandinavian countries and also really wants to go to Rome.

OP posts:
KittenPause · 10/03/2025 13:31

Scandinavia is expensive and not the usual traveler choice but it's safe enough. Rome is also expensive but well travelled and very beautiful

If he decides to travel for longer with his funds and have a proper adventure If he sticks to Thailand it's very friendly and safe and he'll meet travellers along the way to hang out with

It's very easy to navigate getting around

He can fly into Bangkok and stay in roads near to Koh San road. Then just go to bars on koh san road where you sit and watch TV at the bars but you chat to other travellers to find out where's best to go and how to get there.

He can then buy tickets for coaches to places like the islands or Chang mai to trek.

KittenPause · 10/03/2025 13:31

Lots of people travel at 18 so he'll be fine

KittenPause · 10/03/2025 13:33

Make sure he has travel insurance

It's not expensive

And for Europe and few other countries he needs his GHIC card. Just apply online

SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 13:34

Pippyls67 · 10/03/2025 10:48

My Ds wants to travel. I’ve never traveled with him. Budget constraints and I’m a very nervous person who has chronic depression and avoids new things . All rather sad for him but I’m glad to say he wants to break out and do it anyway. I have some money saved now and can afford to finance him. AI B U tho to let him go alone. He doesn’t have friends who want to travel at all. Would you say yes or do you think I should insist he goes on an organised young persons type thing instead. I don’t know if any at all though. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? He wants to see and experience things as he’s been terribly sheltered and constrained by me I’m ashamed to say. I’m proud and pleased he wants to grow in confidence himself and live a lot more. What do people think? Any and all advice and suggestions welcome. He loves the idea of Scandinavian countries and also really wants to go to Rome.

Crikey! Absolutely let him go!!

Australia/New Zealand on a working holiday visa could be fun for him? He can get a job out here fruit picking or whatever.

Asia - teaching English?

Or just maybe a euro-rail ticket round Europe!

Whatever he decides to do, I'm sure he'll have a wonderful time!

I was off abroad on my own from 18. Best thing I've ever done!

It's kind of you to find nance it, but perhaps just give him the plane/train tickets and enough spending money for a short time and encourage him to finance the rest by working his way round. Most backpackers work when abroad doing fruit picking/packing or hospitality jobs and it will help him feel more independent and develop better life skills...

Kitchencakereduced · 10/03/2025 13:36

Your DS is never going to learn if he doesn't try

I ralso recommend going to somewhere in UK first

Ireland
Jersey
Isle of Man
Scotland
Wales

Kitchencakereduced · 10/03/2025 13:37

New Zealand is expensive to get there

New Zealand is expensive

Pherian · 10/03/2025 13:39

Do him and you a favour and let him take the reins in his own life. Your controlling behaviour is so damaging. Time to cut the strings and butt out.

SummerHouse · 10/03/2025 13:39

https://www.intrepidtravel.com/uk/search?page=1&sort=relevance&keyword=scandinavia

I travelled with this company 20 years ago. It was mainly single travellers from all over the world. The experience was incredible. There is a group leader and an itinerary (which included experiences you might struggle to arrange independently). For me it was the perfect solution for wanting to travel but being very inexperienced and wanting a safety net.

Search | Intrepid Travel

The best small group tour means you'll travel the local way. Affordable travel packages and the experience of a lifetime. Book an Intrepid tour today.

https://www.intrepidtravel.com/uk/search?keyword=scandinavia&page=1&sort=relevance

Lanzarotelady · 10/03/2025 13:40

You are wanting to fund it so you can control him!

Rnhhrdw · 10/03/2025 13:41

The Mumsnet response is that he's 18 and you have no control over him.

Bakerygirl · 10/03/2025 13:42

My daughter wanted to do this at 18. She applied through Bunac for a work experience holiday in USA. She was away for around 3 months working on a ranch by the blue ridge mountains. We financed the flights. But she earned money whilst there and was given all meals/accommodation free. She made friends from all round the globe and had an amazing time. Something like this might be worth considering.

Hottea1 · 10/03/2025 13:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

elastamum · 10/03/2025 13:44

He will be fine. Book backpacker's hostels in big cities and he will meet lots of other young people doing similar.

RedToothBrush · 10/03/2025 13:45

He's 18.

Its not about 'allowing' him.

I travelled alone abroad for the first time age 17. I travelled to Australia alone in my mid 25s.

Don't let YOUR anxiety, ruin his opportunities.

I highly recommend the Netherlands, Denmark and Sweden as 'first places' to go abroad alone though if that works to reassure you. The language barrier isn't a problem.

Travel in Italy is easy enough - language is more of an issue but still easy in tourist hotspots, but you need to be a little more careful in Rome. But honestly no more than you would in London really.

Encourage him. Its a real confidence booster.

Pengwuin · 10/03/2025 13:48

Going interrailing or going on a Contiki tour is a really good way to get started if you've never travelled before. I did a Contiki tour from the west to east coast of America and loved it.

SummerHouse · 10/03/2025 13:49

For "allow" read "fund" - the OP obviously can yay or nay whatever she likes as she is paying for it.

JandLandG · 10/03/2025 13:52

Good for him - and good for you for enabling him to.

All very out of your comfort zone, ofc, but watch him fly.

18's young ofc, and you'll need to guide him about his street smarts and general awareness of how to do things etc, but we all live and learn.

Solo travelling is a fairly big thing tbh...and there are apps that will get people together...he'll find them.

i.e. solo poeple can chat on line before they arrive in a certain destination on a certain date and then maybe arrange to stay in the same place, or meet up to explore/socialise - all very doable these days.

He's young, so just be sensible and make sure he's aware and watches his safety ofc, but It'll be good for both of you, I'd say.

Again, props to you for encouraging and advising.

MadeofCheeese · 10/03/2025 13:53

How about an internship with a charity?

MadeofCheeese · 10/03/2025 13:53

How about an internship with a charity?

Merrygoround8 · 10/03/2025 13:54

He’s 18 so you can’t really tell him what to do but if sounds like you’re paying? So perhaps you agree to pay for an organised element of the trip. You’ll have to trust him though, and it sounds like he needs the life experience.

TJM123 · 10/03/2025 13:55

Could you look at some overseas summer schools which might be a bit more structured and offer support / friends? https://www.summerschoolsineurope.eu/

Home - Summer Schools in Europe

Home

https://www.summerschoolsineurope.eu

TJM123 · 10/03/2025 13:56

TJM123 · 10/03/2025 13:55

Could you look at some overseas summer schools which might be a bit more structured and offer support / friends? https://www.summerschoolsineurope.eu/

Edited

He may then make friends that he can travel further with 😊

Daysgo · 10/03/2025 13:56

Let him research and decide on itinerary, advise rather than insist.

Try and avoid arranging regular times for him to contact you , also, don't pester him to ring you rather than text. He's an adult now, having had what sounds like a small and possibly lonely upbringing, he needs to live a bit. Avoid any kind of emotional blackmail such as "I'll never sleep, I'll be crying with worry if you don't ring me every day " etc etc.

I'd also ensure that if, which is v unlikely, anything unpleasant happens, such as money stolen, food poisoning etc etc you don't react in a "i told you the world is dangerous, come home at once" way, but in a " thats awful, how are u sorting it... great, enjoy rest of your holiday" way.

And congratulations to you, it's a great experience for him to have before moving away to university.

TJM123 · 10/03/2025 14:00

I also second him doing it with Contiki or similar just the first time. Maybe a 2-3 week one to get used to it and come back and debrief?

thatsalad · 10/03/2025 14:00

Op, I have done it at 18 and I was fine. There isn't really much that can happen if you stick to walking around during the day in areas where there is people and not go walking in the woods at night or something! And anything that goes wrong, like getting lost/getting on the wrong transport or whatever is not the end of the world and is good for character building.

If he is looking for cheap options to travel, I used workaway and trusted housitters.

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