Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

Jeez, a lot of people jumping on a 6 year old kid. One who has been ill at that.

I reckon it's as a previous poster suggested, the son was told no more snacks for the day and mum assumed he'd sent DD, to ask.

Op go and talk to his mum. I'm sure it's all fine in reality!

😂 We can see each others houses. If we’re not in, he would go back over the road to his watching mum. If we are due to go out/have other plans, we tell him we can’t at the moment, but they can play later/tomorrow. We live on a very close cul de sac, where everyone knows each other. None of them wander the streets as we always either watch them from our gate or walk them over

Do you not say ‘make yourself at home’ when your friends or children’s friends come over? I was raised in a very uncomfortable environment, where people were made to feel rude for doing perfectly normal things, as an adult I’m doing everything I can not to recreate that.

she’s 6 and has been ill

All the more reason for you to communicate more with this mum and not leave a 6yo to manage it. I know you say you only found out today but sounds like you've known the side effects a while so could've anticipated it being an issue. Anyway, you need to communicate clearly now and not assume another parent will want to feed your DD any junk she asks for. Without knowing the meds context, I'd be saying no to her too, and even with the context I wouldn't be giving her crisps on demand.

I think its ok to ask for a piece of bread if the child is hungry but its not ok to ask for treats like popcorn or crisps.

It is rude to ask for crisps or treats. I don’t understand what the problem is with saying come home if you’re hungry don’t ask for food.

Let dd know that you’ve said the same to her friend’s Mum so there’s no confusion and if she asks for food her friends Mum will send her home as instructed. It’s an unnecessary imposition and the Mum obviously doesn’t want to deal with this.

It seems most posters on MN were born with knowing all social rules by heart. It’s just a small group of us missed the memo.

This. We have a boy at the youth group who is only allowed a very small bowl of noodles all day….they sometimes get ice cream though. Don’t worry children’s services are involved.

anyway. I told my kids to take lots of food into share as you never know what’s going on.

Lots of comments on parenting which I will stand bs k from but I would say that pasta and the sandwich are very carb based. I would think it best to give her more protein, maybe some roasted chicken breasts with hummous and veg sticks. The roasted should not be the processed type either. Peanut butter on toast might be filling too or a glass of milk. Healthier choices. And more filling.

Just on the medication issue, my DD was prescribed medication known to increase appetite and it’s absolutely a thing. It was like flicking a switch, i couldn’t believe the change it made. All the more reason for the OP to be managing her intake.

The thing is she is NOT asking for food, she is asking for treats because there are none in her house. It has less to do with hunger and medication and more to do with seeing “junk” she doesn’t have available to her at home.

Maybe we have different interpretations but to me "make yourself at home" means don't stand on ceremony, sit comfortably, feel free to put your feet up on the sofa, take your shoes off if you want to. But not asking or going looking for food. And that applies to all ages.

No one needs crisps between meals.

I have zero problem being asked for snacks by visiting kids, if one is coming who I know will always ask I just put out what I have. I'd much rather they politely ask than feel hungry. If she didn't want to give it she could have just kindly said no to your dd. I would definitely message her and just say about the meds and apologise if dd has caused upset by asking for food. Going forward I'd have him over to play but not send dd over there.

She may be planning snacks on a budget, or getting annoyed thinking her son is sending her to ask for "junk" food because he's already been told no to crisps/popcorn etc.
I'd explain the situation and apologise and say that you'll send snacks with her in future.

Yes agree with the others. Personally I don’t like visiting children asking for snacks. I provide plenty and I find it rude if they ask (I never have had that happen though!) Speak to the mum. Explain that you’re a bit embarrassed to hear DD has been asking for snacks. You hope it’s not been too annoying. She’s on medication which makes her hungry. You’ve told her to stop. And don’t give her snacks to take. That’s rude! She can come home if she’s hungry.

I would focus on trying to fill her up with more protein. What’s the medication she’s on? Will she be off it soon?

This was the approach I agreed with @Idliketobeamillionaire.

The worst thing you could do is ignore the situation.

I mean the whole feeling hungry thing…it’s ok to feel a bit hungry sometimes! I think we’ve got away from that hence so many overweight people.

What can you do if the child is hungry,To a degree obviously, Sure you got common sense

I don't let my 6 and 9 year old friends constantly raid my cupboards - they don't have any sense of self control at that age and will just eat junk food
Personally I'd knock and explain to the mum the situation re. Medication and ask her to send your child home for snacks rather than look like she wants their food.

But you can’t discuss the food situation? Presumably you see the parents each time this happens, you don’t let a 6 year old just wander off for hours at a time alone?

Gosh you lot are harsh. A 6 year old girl asking for snacks because she's hungry...give her the snack. It's some popcorn, not crack.

Personally, I don't like my children snacking between meals, and if a child rocked up and started demanding food, I would think they were very rude.
So, I would
a) Make sure my DD has lots of protein and fibre rich food before she goes (keeps her fuller for longer)
b) Drinks water (also fills her up)
c) Comes home if she is hungry!

You need to teach her not to just ask endlessly for food at other people's houses!

This. My children don't regularly get given snacks between meals, especially not beige carby junk food like crisps, because it spoils their appetite. I'd be irritated if I felt pressured into giving them because a visiting child was pestering.

If you are aware she's struggling due to the medication, I'd explain about the side effects to the mum, but I'd also expect Dd not to pester and would probably reduce the length of time she goes to play so that she's not there long enough to get hungry.

I really doubt that the issue for the mum is that she can't afford the snacks, if that's what you're getting at. That seems quite an odd assumption to me.