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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

604 replies

Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 21:03

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

OP posts:
Diningtableornot · 09/03/2025 22:21

I'd have a word with the mum in private. Say how much DD enjoys visiting them and that you're worried she's causing problems by constantly asking for food because her medication makes her hungry. See if the two of you can work something out. There may be several reasons why the mum doesn't like being asked for food, maybe financial but maybe she tries to regulate the snacks other family members eat. You could suggest that DD pops home if she's hungry to eat a quick snack, bringing her friend if his mum is happy for him to eat at that point.

Xraytime · 09/03/2025 22:22

You dont have to eat because you are hungry. If she has eaten a lot before she goes why can’t she be hungry and feel hunger it’s a normal feeling.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/03/2025 22:22

If your child is on medication that increases hunger why with you not either send her with snacks or talk to the other mom? Otherwise, constantly asking for food is rude yes.

Isittimeformynapyet · 09/03/2025 22:22

InWalksBarberalla · 09/03/2025 22:17

We've been told about two instances where the daughter was upset about being told no. We have no idea how many times the daughter had asked for food before the mum started saying no.

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Yeah, I'm sure we can add on more occasions than those two. I just despair at people rushing to the worst case scenario so much.

ForPoliteHam · 09/03/2025 22:23

The amount of responses blaming a CHILD here are absolutely insane, Jesus.

She's a child, she's not being rude, or cheeky, and the response from the friend's mum is absolutely out of line. You don't get frustrated with a child for asking for snack.

I'd be rethinking my child going there to be honest.

Fruhstuck · 09/03/2025 22:23

Perhaps the friend's family don’t let their children eat snacks between meals.

i think you should explain the medication situation to the mother and send your daughter with food when she goes to their house - but it should be something like sandwiches, not sweets or biscuits or crisps. If she’s hungry, crisps are not going to fill her up. I would tell my child it’s not polite to ask for food in someone else's house.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/03/2025 22:24

Maybe she doesn't want her son eating snacks that regularly.

CavalierApproach · 09/03/2025 22:25

I can’t understand the unnecessary drama/‘contemplating how to approach it’

It is incredibly straightforward. A quick chat, face to face with the other parent. ‘DD’s on medication that makes her super hungry, sorry about all the snack requests. Just send her back home any time you need to’

Toddlerteaplease · 09/03/2025 22:25

I do think it rude of her to ask for food.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 09/03/2025 22:25

Zippidydoodah · 09/03/2025 21:26

So, she was there for three hours today, in which time she had toast, strawberries and then asked for crisps?

It is rude to constantly ask for snacks at a friend’s house. Just tell her to stop asking and give her the snack box if necessary. She is six and needs to learn etiquette. You need to teach her.

This. It's a lot. I don't really blame the mum. One thing is if they don't snack, another is the cost - especially if it happens regularly.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 09/03/2025 22:26

We had this with my dds friend. She’d spend most of the day at ours and once nearly knocked dh out the way to get to the pantry to get food. Dd went to her house and got absolutely nothing food wise. This is a child that was brought to our house to have lunch, would stay til dinner and have snacks in between. It’s expensive to feed another mouth.

JoyousGreyOrca · 09/03/2025 22:27

We do not really do snacks. If your DD asked for popcorn or crisps the answer would be no as we would not have any.

lushcosmetics · 09/03/2025 22:27

Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 21:03

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

TBH she sounds mean.

PurpleThistle7 · 09/03/2025 22:27

I think that’s the thing here - she’s not asking for food, she’s asking for treats. So it’s very possible she’s not actually hungry and more just wanting stuff she isn’t allowed at home. OP said they don’t keep popcorn and crisps in the house so she wee girl likely just wanted some of those.

another solution is to just buy the stuff yourself - if you don’t have an issue with her eating other people’s treats you should just provide them at home so she’s not begging other adults for them. If you don’t want her to have them, you should support this other mother and keep reminding your daughter not to do that.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 09/03/2025 22:27

littleluncheon · 09/03/2025 22:13

That wasn't what I asked - Is your DD being invited by his mum to his house?

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I wouldn't hold your breath on getting an answer to that either.

Onlycoffee · 09/03/2025 22:28

I'd give her a proper meal before going to play for 3 hours considering you know she gets hungry, instead of trying to tide her over with continual snacks.

SassySusie · 09/03/2025 22:29

I would have a word with the mum, but in our house we never did snacks so I wouldn’t be happy about a child asking, though if you explained the reason I would understand. I wouldn’t wants my own children to snack though. We do 3 meals a day and never snack.

littleluncheon · 09/03/2025 22:29

Starting to sound like the OP is just sending her 6yo over to the neighbours for 3+ hours at a time. No wonder the mum is getting irritable.

AubernFable · 09/03/2025 22:29

ForPoliteHam · 09/03/2025 22:23

The amount of responses blaming a CHILD here are absolutely insane, Jesus.

She's a child, she's not being rude, or cheeky, and the response from the friend's mum is absolutely out of line. You don't get frustrated with a child for asking for snack.

I'd be rethinking my child going there to be honest.

Some people on this thread are being awful calling a six year old with a medical issue greedy, rude and annoying and implying OP is a bad parent. It’s shocking honestly and those PP’s need to have a word with themselves.

WingingItSince1973 · 09/03/2025 22:30

purpleparroty · 09/03/2025 21:58

surely 6 is far too young to be playing out when the parents don’t communicate

This is what I'm thinking. They are still so young to be wandering back and forth between the houses and staying for hours on end when the parents don't even talk.

steff13 · 09/03/2025 22:31

It sounds a little to me like the friend did the "my mom will tell me no, but she'll say yes to you" thing to get your daughter to ask, and the mom caught on to it.

Pigeonqueen · 09/03/2025 22:31

Are you sure the Mum isn’t just fed up with the whole arrangement (and is focusing on the food as she’s at boiling point)? Personally it would drive me insane if every time we were home there was a 6 year old knocking to come in or play all the time - or my child going to theirs. I’m fine with pre arranged play dates from time to time but it sounds like you’ve both almost adopted each others children which would drive me insane.

Original poster
Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 22:31

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 09/03/2025 21:54

Would you send her with a box of healthy stuff, chopped carrot and cucumber sticks for example? I know you said she's preferring junky food right now but I think sending her with a box of it and expecting a six year old to sit and watch her eat it in his own home (whilst not allowed any) would be beyond the pale.

Show quote history

Healthy, fruit, veg, rice cakes. He’s never seemed that bothered about food, not like Dd recently, feel really embarrassed 😞

OP posts:
holycrumpet · 09/03/2025 22:32

I've read all your updates OP and all I'm getting from you is that you're quite happy to have the kids at yours, have them running around and building dens etc, and that you enjoy putting out snacks for them and don't mind the other kid asking you for food.

Doesn't mean everyone feels the same.

FFS. Go and talk to the mum. Face to face. If it's not too far for your child to walk to, it isn't too far for you.

Knock on the door. Apologise to the mum. Explain your DD thinks she might've upset her because she keeps asking for food. Then explain she keeps asking for food because she's on X medication.

THEN tell the mum that if your DD asks her for food again, she is to send your DD home so you can feed her.

Don't send your DD with snacks, that's just bloody rude.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/03/2025 22:32

I think it's very rude to ask a host for snacks outside of mealtimes and brought my children up accordingly.

I'm sorry @Idliketobeamillionaire but I think you need to teach your child to try a glass of water, perhaps an apple between meals. She needs to learn to manage her hunger and curb it with sensible choices. Why not send her with a pack of apples or satsumas - to share!

What medication is she on that's making her so hungry?