Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

i asked before but no reply. How does dd survive at school as can’t /won’t be constant snacks and only fruit at break so 10am ish

is she truly hungry or just saying it to get nice snacks

if you offer her toast or crackers or fruit will she accept and eat happily @Idliketobeamillionaire

After 18 pages, you're not going to take anyone's advice on board.

I do feel sympathetic that your daughter is clearly hungry due to the medication and no one wants their child going hungry. But it is definitely best if you a) have a friendly word with the boy’s Mum to explain the medication issue and apologise if she’s badgering for food, and just say lightly to just send her home for a snack if she’s hungry. And b) explain to your daughter that it’s fine to ask for food at home but not polite to ask for food in someone else’s house, but tell her she can pop home anytime if she needs a snack.
It sounds like she has a lovely friendship with this boy which it would be a shame to sour, so those simple steps should smooth out any bumps.

Or answer any of the many, many relevant questions many posters have asked

Do you work? I do and it’s also quite hard to read through it all and answer every single question

I have taken lots of great advice on here and messaged her this morning
Dd is not at school at the moment due to being ill, but school are working with us so we will organise dd to bring extra snacks in case they are needed

You need to cover your child’s food requirements. If she’s so close to home she can come home for food or you should send her off with a lunch box. This other family may have a different attitude to snacks and meal times which is fine.

So she is unwell to the point she cannot go to school, yet you're sending her off to a neighbour (whose child is also not at school?) for hours without even mentioning how unwell she is to the adult in charge? Gosh. You're much more relaxed than me.

I don't say it and can’t remember hearing it in real life. It’s more, ‘come in lovely to see you, can I get you a drink’. But even so, surely there are degrees of making yourself at home. You wouldn’t go upstairs, run yourself a bath and cut your toenails would you?

What on earth are you talking about? Do you realise how bitchy and nasty you sound? Are you really ok with being like that.
My Dd has been very ill, my neighbour does know that, but not about her recent increase in eating, which I have now told her.
Her Ds is not off school?? When has this even been said?

I would stop engaging with with this thread, as people are now going to nitpick with everything single thing you say (or don’t say), and are certainly not bothering to see if they’re not simply repeating what been said already.

Bottom line is there are a lot of misanthropic people on MN who don’t think anyone else should ever disturb their family, and especially not an only child. Ignore them - we all know real life isn’t actually like this

I wish your daughter a quick recovery. It must be quite stressful for you too. I hope you having a chat with the other mum clears the air a bit though I do feel she could have been more understanding given the circumstances.

because she's 6?

This. The MN nasty brigade has been worse than ever lately.

When my granddaughter was 5 ,she was diagnosed with leukemia...At that time, part of the treatment was a week of steroids every month ...I can remember well the massive increase in her appetite and regularly being up in the night cooking chicken nuggets or whatever else she fancied at the time ...I really hope this little girl isn't suffering this illness ( my granddaughter is now 20 and absolutely fine ) but but I can fully understand her appetite if she's on steroids...Hope whatever her illness is that she makes a full recovery .

I half agree - I think people often eat too much for lunches and evening meals these days (certainly if eating-out portions are anything to go by), but I take your point about starting the day with a hearty breakfast. I'm not often hungry enough in the mornings to do so myself, but when I do it seems effective in blunting hunger pangs later on.

Also all 6 year olds are different in controlling impulses, I look as my DD’s when they were my nephew and there are huge differences. It’s good to be kind when it comes to children esp as this little one came home upset. I don’t mind giving snacks and cooking when kids want friends over tbh. However appreciate different families have different budgets and rules. But I don’t think the op deserves such a pile on.

I meant I look at my dds when they were my nephews age. You can’t compare kids. They all have their different charms 😊 I actually adore my nephew despite how impulsive and emotional he is, very loving little boy and being assessed potentially for adhd.

I would be mildly annoyed because we eat at meal times and have a snack time.

I would cater knowing I had an extra mouth to feed but asking for loads of extras means I have to replenish sooner. We’re not made of money 😆

As an aside, do you really want her playing in a house where the mum loses her shit over a packet of crisps?

Maybe she’s checking out the cupboard and asking for all the choice bits?

This.
what medication is she on where she needs to eat between meals? Most processed snacks offer little nutritional value so won’t be doing her a lot of good.

Sending a 6 year old unaccompanied for 3 hours most weekends to a neighbour doesn’t seem like normal attentive parenting behaviour imo and coupled with her constant asking for snacks I’d think she was likely a bit neglected. So you should explain the medication and reassure the neighbour that’s not the case and if she needs regular snacks send them with her. I suspect the neighbour is just annoyed at your dd being around so often though rather than the snacks particularly. It sounds like a lot of time together.

Sorry, I did say, her Ds is around our house the most,Dd occasionally goes to theirs in return. There is no reason really for any of us to accompany our kids, when we live across the street from one another, is there? I honestly don’t see what the point would be in me sitting in her home all afternoon whilst the kids are outside on the trampoline or in their rooms or playing hide & seek etc and vice versa

My DC (and any friends visiting) are offered a mid morning snack - perhaps fruit - and a mid afternoon snack - a couple of biscuits, a piece of cake or crisps (not all of these, they need to choose). Obviously they get meals at the appropriate time. I'd consider requests for extra to be pretty rude. Children don't need to be constantly snacking.

Sounds like your daughter maybe eating too many carbs and not enough protein and fat. You need to balance the carbohydrates in toast, pasta, cereal, popcorn, crisps with protein and fat (egg mayo, tuna, nut butters, greek yoghurt etc) so she’s not on a sugar spike/sugar crash rollercoaster all day. Start the day with protein too - eggs, greek yoghurt, nuts etc to keep her feeling full for longer and her sugar levels balanced. It could be the sugar crashes that are making her feel more hungry.