Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

This. The fact she's asking very specifically for crisps and popcorn is not hunger it's because she fancies that because she rarely gets it at home.

Just give her those things at home and tell her it's rude to ask for something specific like that. I'm sure if she'd gone to the mum and said I'm quite hungry the mum wouldn't have minded offering for eg a carrot or similar. Bet your DD would not have wanted that though because it's not real hunger it's wanting a treat

Regarding food and one poster saying I’m giving my dd white bread, I never even said that 🤷🏻‍♀️😅 and don’t.

I'm not sure if you're referring to me here, but if you are, then please read my post again. I asked you if you gave her white bread and pasta because you hadn't said. I also asked questions about her diet to get an idea of what she is eating. You mentioned rice cakes and fruit, which would usually be considered healthy, but might not be the best choice for your dd given her intense hunger. To help your dd's hunger issues, rice cakes or fruit should be combined with protein such as cheese, meat, peanut butter for instance. Salad veggies such as cucumber, tomatoes and carrot sticks served with hummus, apples or oatcakes served with nut butter or cheese are great snack ideas. Toast should be provided with protein as well. Fruit served with yoghurt and seeds is another option. It's about giving meals and snacks in the right combination. You're not doing her any favours by giving her crisps, popcorn, sweets, or chocolate, particularly if given in isolation, because shortly after, she'll feel hungry again due to a sugar crash. When you do give these treats they should be given directly after a protein rich meal, at least until she's off her medication.

I would find it annoying and rude for a child that only lived a few doors away to be constantly asking for junk food and then doesn't want to go there when told no. It's not even about the cost, it's just grabby and bad manners.

Yes, she's fed up, and yes it's rude of your DD to ask. If she's not old enough to know not to ask and to follow your instructions to come home if hungry, she's not old enough to be visiting other homes on her own. Personally I'd stop her going until you were confident she understood the rules.

It sounds like the other mom’s struggling, & has problems of her own if she has family round to help her. I’d have the boy round mine & not send your D there again. Perhaps you need to sort the eating out, otherwise it will lead to obesity & other problems as she gets older.

Of course it's undermining if it's for your child not hers, you can't give one child a snack without giving some to the other, not easily anyway.

I agree, I think snacking has got out of all proportion in general, although in OP's case her DD is feeling hungrier than usual for a reason. But in general, it does seem as though people can't go five minutes nowadays without shoving something into their mouth. I often wonder how much of it is boredom-related (adults too, I mean).

I agree with this to some extent- but when I think about my Gran- who was healthy and active right into her 80's, she didnt' snack but she ate more meals and bigger portions than we do now, I think we eat smaller/less meals so we need snacks to fill the gap.
My gran would have had a 2 course breakfast- porridge and then eggs or bacon or something like that, then tea and a cake/biscuit, a healthy lunch, a large home cooked meal sometimes with a light dessert then something like cheese and toast later in the evening.

She's six, I doubt she has any concept of what it means to be grabby!

So many of my children’s friends ask for snacks when they come over, I hate saying no and so try and offer something but we struggle financially as it is and every snack or whatever they eat, is one less thing for us and our kids. We budget and buy just enough. So for instance if they eat the cucumber, that was my kids snack for school tomorrow and we can’t afford to replace it so they have no school snack or we have to take the money from elsewhere to buy it so short on something else if that makes sense. Maybe it’s a similar issue for the neighbor? Hope your daughter is ok x

100% agree with every word of your post @Everleybear

OP, I think you just need to go and have a chat with the mum. Explain about the medication causing hunger, and that you’ve told DD not to ask for snacks or to come home if she’s hungry, apologise for her asking. You could ask the mum if she’s ok to have the kids over (it sounds like she doesn’t want them there to be honest), but either way I’d stop allowing your daughter to go there as often. Not because of the snacking thing, and not as a punishment, but because it sounds like the mum doesn’t want the kids running around there.

No need for you to be embarrassed, OP. When DS was on steroids, he was ravenous 24/7. It really didn't matter what he ate (protein or anything else), he was hungry again as soon as he'd finished it. Some medications have this side effect; it's not within your DDs control. I don't think people who haven't experienced it would understand it.

Does the other mum know your DD is on medicaiton which makes her hungry all the time? If not, I would just go over and have a chat and possibly add that, if the snacking is an issue because she doesn't want her own child eating in between meals (or whatever the issue is), that's no problem, please ask your DD to pop home for a snack. Or maybe suggest your DD only stays there for an hour and then comes home.

I wouldn't send snacks, as that implies to the mum that you don't think her food is good enough; and it's rude for your child to eat in front of others who aren't eating (picking up on your point that your DDs friend isn't that fussed about food).

Personally, if I was hosting a playdate, I always bought extra food specifically for the kids to eat on the playdate; but not everyone has the same approach (or the money to do so). I also wouldn't mind if any of DS's friends asked me for food, especially if I knew they were on medication that made them hungry. The only think that does bug me is if a child asks constantly for food in a rude and entitled way (and this is not a dig at your DD), or snottily turns their nose up at what's offered rather than just saying something like, 'thanks, but I don't like strawberries.'

More than the neighbours kid who stays for 5-6 hours vs her 2-3 and often has snacks and even full meals?

DD is the same age and is like this, constantly asking for food when she goes to other people's houses, even though I always tell her not to, so your DD is not alone!

The other day DD was only going to a friend's for 2 hours, I gave her a snack on the way so she wouldn't need to ask. When I picked her up she'd had a jacket potato and baked beans as she had said she was hungry. I get quite embarrassed and apologetic but the parents assure me it's no problem.

I must admit I do find it quite rude when friends come over and constantly ask for snacks as well, but that's mostly my issue because I don't believe in snacks/ snack culture but that's a whole other discussion!

How does your child get through a school day OP?

I'd say the Mum is fed up of your DD begging for food. She has her own family to feed. It's downright cheeky. Poor little lad has probably heard his mother moaning about your DD pestering for food.

Have you considered that she may be struggling financially?

I don't think it's rude. I don't like children being labelled as rude though, children generally have no filter and say what they think so she obviously feels comfortable enough to ask for food. She's not meaning any harm.

However it probably makes the mum feel a bit awkward if she has certain rules around snacking and you need to understand that. I would definitely speak to the mum and explain about the medication thing and pack her some snacks she can take round. Or have the other child round your house more often.

Maybe don't keep sending your kid to another woman's house when you clearly judge that woman.

Well, that would be pretty crap of that mum to do that in front of her child. I have all kinds of thoughts about various of DD’s friends’ parents, I don’t share them with her though.

Instead of all this conjecturing, just go round to her with a nice box of biscuits or something and apologise if DD has been asking for lots of snacks by explaining her recent medication change.

Your DD has clearly overstepped the normal boundaries- and asking to have what another adult is eating is kind of rude - and as the adult it's your job to explain the reasons for it.

Yes of course it's rude to ask. She should wait until she is offered something. If she is so hungry that she can't possibly wait until the next mealtime she should come home for a snack.

It's all very well saying the child isn't being rude because they are just childen - it's our job to teach them what is acceptable and what isn't

And that can include saying "you can't go over this time as you were rude last time "

You still haven't said what happens when she is at school? Does she have constant snacks there?