Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

We have a similar set up with our neighbours and their child is often at our house for hours after school/weekend. They ask constantly for snacks.. I don't mind giving out snacks but it does cause problems when it's 15 mins before my kids are due to eat their tea. Also I'm conscious that I don't want to fill their kid up on junk food before her tea! I'd have a chat to the mum to see what works best for them - either sending snacks with your child or sending her home when she's hungry

Big difference between playing in each others garden out in the open and sending your DD6 into someone else’s house, whom you don’t seem to communicate with at all, all by herself.

Haven't rtft. My daughter plays with neighbor almost every day. Initially when we first moved into the neighborhood I'd feed her snacks (and they'd feed my child), but on asking the mum, she confessed that it threw their eating schedule, as did ours. So instead now we just limit to fruit at each other's houses and if it's anything more we either send the kid home to get sorted or text the parent to confirm that they're allowed something more substantial. Just have the conversation 👍

I think it's great your child has this friendship in their street and that they can play in each others houses. And I do empathise she is on medication that makes her hungry.

But you're being unreasonable thinking the mum's attitude is strange, odd and needs to relax. She's already made your daughter toast and strawberries. She's quite entitled in her own home, to feel annoyed about being hounded for more snacks. I know your daughter is six and probably doesn't mean to be rude, the problem is it does come across as rude. This other mum already sounds she is being gracious, it isn't her responsibility to be constantly feeding your child on tap and giving in to demands.

Just because you like putting out snacks and don't have a problem being asked, it doesn't then mean other parents are wrong for not wanting to do this.

I'm really not sure why you've created such a fuss over this and are still dithering on what to do. All you need to do is explain to your mum about your daughters medication and that if she needs more food she can come home. It really isn't that hard to do. I wouldn't be sending a snack box either that she can't share with her friend unless you speak to the mum first. That I'd find strange and rude.

I don't think you should be embarrassed at all- we live in flats with quite a lot of children in the same block so there's children in and out a lot and they all ask for snacks/drinks etc, it's really normal- if I have them they can have anything, if I don't I just say no, no issues.

I understand the medication thing- my daughter was on steroids a few years ago and was ravenous she'd definitely have been asking constantly.

Your post makes it sound like you spend alot of time snooping on this neighbour and judging her for having help. It sounds like you hardly know this woman as a friend so wouldn't know what struggles she has eg mental or physical health or financial and it seems you are building a picture from quizzing your child about her visits. I find it really odd your kids spend so much time together with minimal interaction between you both when they are both so young do you ever invite the mum over for a coffee?

We've had a similar situation recently op. DD plays with the girl two doors up but they're not allowed to play at the moment as they found their DD has been sneaking loads of snacks and then hiding all the wrappers when DD was at her house.

Thing is at our house we don't really have any rules about snacks so when they're here they can have whatever. I don't have loads of junk any way but a bag of crisps and some crackers, an ice lolly in summer etc. Doesn't bother me at all.

The other girl is greedy though, she went to town at DD's birthday party as her parents weren't there. I don't know if the rules are in place because she's greedy or she's greedy because she has so many rules in place

My Dd is over there, so i’ll leave it! Also, I can have an opinion, as can she about me, it’s fine

Are you going to speak to the mum? It sounds as if she has stricter rules, which is going to be the case seeing as she’s brought up two already.

Parenting has definitely taught me there are people who just don't enjoy nor want their kids friends over. One of my dc's bestie has parents like this. As their dd got older she said her parents won't feed friends, it's a family rule. They are the wealthiest family by far in my dd's friendship circle so it's not about money. While they are a more extreme example, I'd say each of my dc have had one friend where I've felt you could tell the parents didn't really want playdates at their home (or garden!) for whatever reason. I don't try to guess why - it's different to me but not 'wrong'.

Your dd is 6. I doubt if you tell her not to do something she will listen 100% of the time about something like not asking for a snack. If she does, then hats off to her because developmentally it's a tall order for 6 year olds to not be impulsive. Yes, they should be learning but I don't think your 6 year old is naughty.

One last thing, the med thing is a bit unusual. I understand she's been ill but this seems to not just be something that's happened over the last few days? If a medication is giving her a continued insatiable appetite, you should have her checked over by the GP. I'd try to make a food/liquid diary for 2-3 days before going. I'd wonder about blood sugar levels - either impacted by meds or her body's ability to regulate them.

Finally, I'd send a text apologising to the Mum and say how much your dd enjoys playing with their son, then try to have a conversation about what her preference is around snacks etc. I'd try to take a step back and see the Mum doesn't have to host/feed, if you don't she may put an end to your dd playing with her son.

Tbf I don’t mind feeding a child who visits, offering juice and snacks but when they are constantly in my house and it’s a constant asking for more, sandwiches, crisps, anything anyone else in the house eats “can I have some of that” etc. I would absolutely get irritated and find it rude.

@Idliketobeamillionaire The judgemental comments in your post around the DM faults, are very telling.

No acknowledgement that your child may be too much to handle.

DM afternoon sleeps for 4 hour, DM has plenty of crisps, but you wouldn't have those in your house.
DD noticed boxes of sweets, again, not in your home

Her parents come to remove her back up rubbish.

You're really going for it.

The older DC was eating popcorn and wouldn't share her popcorn, DM refused to make extra for DD wasting another 3 minutes microwaving popcorn, feeding a child, who she already fed.

I think you're raising a confident child who is bordering on being rude.

To the pp's suggesting that you send her with a snack box are bonkers, she lives less than a minute away, it isn't an invited play day.

I honestly don't know why you posted this thread OP.

All you've continued to do after hundreds of replies is criticise the other mother's behaviour , even claiming the woman "needs to relax" in her own home, and try to justify why your daughter is a greedy, rude little girl.

You seem to think your way is the only way, that you're somehow a better parent( you aren't), and can't understand that people are entirely justified in bringing up their children in a different way to you.

Let's be honest you wanted to rant about another woman, have everyone agree with you, likely calling her names, just because she chooses to parent differently to you.

This is all such a non-issue. Simply dealt with via a quick chat with the mum, if you were actually bothered.

Duplicate post.

This is a bit of an odd one and it's hard to tell but -

I have, I think, younger kids to you but: as the mum on the other side I would just have snacks put out on the table so the kids can sit and eat without asking. But probably not crisps / popcorn by themselves, fruit and carrot / cucumber/ pepper too. I wonder if her issue is the type of snacks your dd is asking for? Because if that were me, my dd would then want some too and lunch would be pushed back later and later...

But I also wouldn't be encouraging to ask for food constantly when at someone else's house. On play dates I usually send her with a full tummy and a bottle of water, and then have a snack ready in the car in case she needs one (again I think mine is younger). She has been on a play date where she's been offered no food but mostly parents at our school are feeders!

Let's be honest you wanted to rant about another woman, have everyone agree with you, likely calling her names, just because she chooses to parent differently to you.
This is all such a non-issue. Simply dealt with via a quick chat with the mum, if you were actually bothered.

The DM sounds depressed, if all the things you said, are true.

Making me believe that you can be selfish too and lack awareness, sending your child over to play.

Still don't understand why the OP hasn't spoken to her. She would rather have another adult get increasingly irritated by her kid than just explain. Poor kid.

Crisps aren't a healthy snack it sounds like she grazes a lot. Crisps would be a treat food in my house and I'd be annoyed if a visiting child was asking for them as I'd then end up having to give my kid some too and crisps are total junk.
If the mum thinks they need a snack she'll offer one.

I get annoyed with kids visiting my house asking for snacks every hour, if they've eaten a good meal at breakfast or lunch they really shouldn't need loads of snacks?

Instead of sending her with 'snacks' maybe feed her a good filling meal before she goes then she should be fine? Beyond the preschool years kids don't need loads of snacks it spoils their meals.

** Also. I wonder if it may help if she had more protein. Toast / sandwich / popcorn / crisps are all part of one food group, she will be hungry after an hour or two without protein and fibre. Try eggs on toast and some fruit and see if that helps.

For whatever reason, the other mother has clearly become irritated by your DD and doesn’t want her to be at their house so often (if at all). Take the hint on behalf of your DD and stop letting go over there.

You have already said you prefer the friend to play at your house, so carry on if you want to and be aware that it is your choice and that it doesn’t have to be reciprocated.

Then it sounds like she's going there for the snacks that she can't get at home. Tbh I wouldn't mind a child asking occasionally but I would if it was constant. If you know that she craves junk food because of the medication, why not get some in, instead of letting her beg for it elsewhere?

Please dont send a snack box of junky crisps and shop bought popcorn the other mum is probably saying no because she doesn't want her child eating that stuff all the time. Send carrot sticks, apples.
If your child isn't happy with that she isn't actually hungry she just likes popcorn and crisps (which aren't filling anyway) and knows you are a soft touch who gives them to her.

Children do not need snacks.

Snacks were invented in the 80's to sell junk food to us.

We have a fruit bowl and help yourself....

Popcorn is for movies.