To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

[elliejjtiny]

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

On the other hand, the mayhem of 2020 could be an extremely good lesson for children and teenagers to question everything you hear from government, big business, social media, influencers, the news; and many on MN say "don't believe any of the fairy tales the church tells you"; when a few centuries ago, the church was the ultimate authority, as Galileo found out.

All of these will only ever present one side of a story, whichever is of most interest to them: and during lockdown, this was deafeningly apparent, in that nobody was allowed to talk about the opposing argument at all. This clinched the argument for me to question everything I hear: sometimes I wish I had learned to disbelieve the newspapers much sooner than I did.

Yes, I know that some people believe we have a problem of children not respecting authority at all, and there is a balance. But I think that blindly believing everything that "authority" tells you is not good either. Lockdown brought this into very sharp focus.

Nice sanctimonious bait and switch there.

That ivory tower and high horse is a privilege not many had. And even most of those who had it slightly "better" have had the grace to acknowledge that the fallout for others was devastating.

Surprised you haven't had us all referred to Prevent for extremist right wing wrong think.

Obviously you get quite the kick out of twisting the knife. There have been many raw and moving accounts of lockdown experiences, and I respectfully suggest you wind your neck in.

Today is both my late mothers birthday (she died during lockdown, because I doubt you've read all the posts where I wrote about that). It's also the third anniversary of my DPs funeral because by twist of fate, it was the only day that suited everyone. Again, my previous post explains why the Cosmic Covid joke is strong on that subject.

So, have a bit of respect and let those grieving, grieve and process.

@MistressoftheDarkSide I'm so sorry - it must grind your gears when people go on about what a lovely time they had- to be honest I don't mind that some people got through it relatively unscathed, but I do think they should have the grace to maybe keep that to themselves and have a bit more empathy with people who had horrendous memories or experiences of that period. I work in entertainment business and know of many that had a terrible time , lost long established businesses, several that had to move in with parents, lost their lifelong savings etc - people forget it wasn't just 3 months x2 for some businesses, it was virtually 18 months where activity totally ceased -

@Crikeyalmighty Thank you so much x

I just found the post I quoted so mean minded. I didn't have children to deal with during lockdown and I can't imagine how hard it was for those that did, situation depending. It was such an unprecedented event, that there was no time to prepare for, and I think picking on Mothers and implying they were even partly to blame for longer term negative outcomes because they were expressing their fears on Mymsnet, likely instead of impacting their children directly is out of order.

And it's part of a new, ongoing and intensifying, also regressive zeitgeist that no matter what injustice or unfairness is meted out by those in authority, it's our own fault somehow, and questioning it is a cardinal sin. We don't need forced re-education by TPTB, some dictatorial keyboard warrior will do it for them free and gratis.

Sorry, particularly jaded and cynical at the moment. Must practise my gratitude......ironic LOL x

But anyway, thank you 💐 x

I actually found mumsnet a remarkable source of comfort during that time- to know there were others who were not all gallivanting round on furlough baking banana bread and getting the sunloungers out-

My friend had just moved to a mortgage and house they could barely afford and then her freelance work seized up alongside having a very active child at home all day needing schooling whilst she was trying to generate work - not in a position to claim UC as partner still earned so they were not starving or anything but she felt totally out of control having little income and a mortgage they had to put on hold only 6 weeks after moving in-

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@BogRollBOGOF
I still do more for the community than most and what I do has become harder in some organisations because chains of experience and progression were broken. People are generally more inward looking whether it's coping with life-shit, and that stretches capacity of other people, which makes picking up some load to share out less attractive and thus the cycle continues.

Yes, I've noticed this and it is awful. I thought people would be desperate for community, for sharing, for friends and networks, after being deprived - but it's gone the other way. Perhaps the trauma of it all being taken away overnight means people subconsciously don't trust it anymore, just try to rely on themselves.

It's sickening the way lockdowns relied on "community spirit" in terms of collectively trying to reduce spread of covid, but took away almost everything community spirit needs to exist - so it was just a rapid drain of goodwill.

I particularly think it was inhumane on people living alone. I appreciate those living with abusers had it worse - but what gets me is that even in an ideal situation, where we're all model citizens, they actually legislated for people to be denied human contact entirely for almost three months. New Zealand went into lockdown before us, and they made allowances for those alone, so we had a precedent to follow. Our government actively decided that such isolation was a good idea. I actually think it's a human rights issue when it gets to the level of no contact, not even having DC around - we know psychologically this is the case. It is literally torture.

I remember my first hug, about a month into the first lockdown. I wept. And that was two months before it was supposed to happen - I am so grateful I know people who broke the rules after a while, or I wouldn't be here now. As it is, it took time to work through it all, waking up in the night screaming, having random waves of fear when lockdown reminders popped up, feeling teary after seeing friends as if they might suddenly disappear. (I'm "lucky" in that I have experienced trauma before so knew what I was dealing with, but so many will have managed their trauma response differently and still be living with the consequences).

I think the government should have orchestrated a massive campaign to help, post-covid. To encourage a national conversation, normalise talking about it/working through it all, promote community cohesion and coming together, after what happened. Adverts, encouraging people to talk, a monument filled with every day life stories, documentaries with lots of ordinary people looking at their experiences...

People like you on MN contributed to my mental breakdown in 2020-21 by suggesting that my DD’s mental health problems were my fault. I will never forget coming on here looking for support and being told that my DD was only struggling because I was projecting my own issues onto her. She wasn’t struggling because of me; she was struggling because her nice, safe, predictable life was taken away from her overnight and it became illegal for her to meet another child in person for months on end.

You haven’t got the first fucking idea what you are talking about.

It was awful, my older sister lost her husband in June 2020. I sat with my sister and her adult kids and watched him pass away on Facetime. I wasn't allowed to attend his funeral.

They never do.

I'm so sorry. My daughter had terrible anxiety returning to school after lockdown. her school was great in supporting and she is doing much better these days. I hope your girl is too x

Thank you. ❤️ She is 9 now and has largely bounced back. Glad to hear your DD is doing well too.

As it is, it took time to work through it all, waking up in the night screaming, having random waves of fear when lockdown reminders popped up, feeling teary after seeing friends as if they might suddenly disappear. (I'm "lucky" in that I have experienced trauma before so knew what I was dealing with, but so many will have managed their trauma response differently and still be living with the consequences).

This was massive for me, though it's better than it was. That suspicion that things might just be snatched away and I'll be left on my own again. I find myself getting very anxious (which I try and control and largely manage to) if DP and I don't make an exact plan for an exact date, rather than "OK I'll see you soon". I never used to be like this and I'm sure it was because so many plans were ripped up by factors beyond my control.

Exactly. If only they had encouraged post-lockdown conversation, I might be trusting government again, even Boris Johnson, who was so obviously opposed to lockdown himself, but going with the flow mattered much more to him. I think the reason they haven’t is because they would have to admit to the harms of lockdowns, the ones they pretended didn’t happen; as soon as restrictions were over, they distracted us with Ukraine, monkeypox, and extreme heat, to keep the state of fear going. Starmer can’t say anything, because he would have to admit that he actively supported a cruel regime of condemning people to solitary confinement, if they happened to live alone. The pub landlord who confronted him and threw him out had the right idea. What happened to Steve Baker and the Covid recovery group?

There has been a kind of box-ticking exercise of “share your story for the enquiry”, but I haven’t bothered because I expect it will be whitewashed.

Also, what happened to the wedding and entertainment industry bosses who were going to sue the government? Or have the government since legislated to make it impossible?

Yes one minute we couldnt have our own family members in our homes the next we were being asked to take in someone from Ukraine
I asked some of those on here who supported the restrictions including vaccine passports .......but but but how do we know their vaccine status and was told it suddenly didnt matter. Its all about showing off on social media and this hypocrisy proved it.

@JenniferBooth Yes one minute we couldnt have our own family members in our homes the next we were being asked to take in someone from Ukraine
I’d forgotten that! Yes, it made lockdown look all the more absurd. I remember seeing spoof doormats, which said “Welc - ” and then in smaller print “wait, are you vaccinated?”

I didn’t hate lockdown but we were very very lucky. One DC who was in nursery and the nursery only closed for the first lockdown. We both worked from home, DH went back in very soon after and I carried on WFH. No loss of income etc. that was all down to sheer luck so I cannot understand why anyone would say that to you OP.
I feel for anyone who had severe money worries, health worries or who had to home school the whole time

It’s these stories and countless others that make me so fucking angry at party gate.
Having children’s playground equipment as off limits whilst the tories sat partying with each other?! Fucking arseholes.
Not to mention all the poor folk who were cut off from the rest of society. My family were lucky and we tried to make other people’s lives easier (for example by still paying for services we weren’t using etc)

Thank you for this thread. It's been really helpful to read, even if it's brought some dreadful memories back.