To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

[elliejjtiny]

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

I hated the lockdown. Absolutely hated it and if I think about I become panicky. I was expected to work from home and educate my children at the same time, which was absolutely impossible. So they had very little education and I couldn't do both at the same time and was worried I would lose my job if I didn't keep up with the work. My husband was classed as vulnerable because of his illness so we were supposed to "shield"...I.e. not one of could leave the house for weeks. We had to rely on people going to collect his medication and bring us shopping (trying to get a supermarket delivery slot was nigh on impossible). I felt like I had to go cap in hand to people to ask for favours and I hated it. The stress of it all was off the charts. My husband was in and out of hospital having kidney dialysis and on one occasion the nurses wouldn't allow him to have even a sip of water for four hours because it would mean he would have to remove his mask. He was the only person on the ward. Two friends died in 2020, one of whom was elderly and went to her grave believing that her family had abandoned her because she wasn't allowed visitors in her care home. I couldn't go to her funeral as they would only allow ten people. Another close friend died and they were then allowing twenty people. I had to sit alone at one of the saddest times of my life and all I could think of was that there should have been hundreds there. He was only 44.

I read a lot of stories about people trapped in abusive homes, unable to escape. Whenever I hear people say that they miss lockdown, I want to scream. It was hell for a lot of people. All the small businesses that went under...all the livelihoods destroyed. A friend of my Mum STILL hasn't left her house because she is too scared to.

Oh God that's so awful. I am so sorry.

Freelancer heavy industries were hit hard.
Ltd cos we're all seen as evil tax stealing thieves (waves on solidarity).
Sole traders often did not get the support the government claimed they could, especially if 2019 had been a quiet year compared to what they had had lined up for 2020.
PAYE freelancers who had future jobs cancelled due to lockdown (April is usually a busy time for new starters) couldn't receive furlow because they hadn't started yet, so their only hope was that a company they had already left might be able to help them out.

Thank you.

I've just read your post. Yes, I think I have an understanding of what you went through. I'm so sorry.

Yes, perhaps it would have been more fun for you OP if you had organised your lives so that you had zero responsibilities during lockdown… 🤦🏽‍♀️

Freelancer heavy industries were hit hard.
Ltd cos we're all seen as evil tax stealing thieves (waves on solidarity).
Sole traders often did not get the support the government claimed they could, especially if 2019 had been a quiet year compared to what they had had lined up for 2020.

I've just remembered new sole traders were humped as well, they didn't get anything I don't think? Huge issues with people falling through the cracks.

In DH industry there were several failed marriages during lockdown, an explosion of alcoholism and two suicides of people he know.

But I do also remember my friend messaging me and promising me that if it came it it, he'd ensure that we would never lose our house. That meant a lot.

Thank you. I rally appreciate your comment. My husband passed away in May 2022, and I remember sitting at his funeral surrounded by people, feeling so bad for people that only a year or so previously, had not been able to give their loved one the send off they deserved. And ther was Boris and his mates having a cheese and wine party. I am very sorry for your loss.

Yeah there were a lot of different ways to fall through the cracks. Sole trader women who'd been on maternity leave the year before faired badly, if I remember right.
It was flagged to Sunak that around 3 million people fell through those cracks and basically got a shrug in response.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much. I actually wrote to my MP to complain about Johnson et al and my MP raised my case in the House of Commons. I can't remember what Johnson said in reply now, but there was no sincerity to it.

Omg bore off honestly

I agree and I can’t stand these threads because of it.

Of course, YANBU

Loneliness, mental health, young children, isolating for weeks, losing businesses, fearing for their jobs,losing dreams, people v ill and dying, horrible times in hospitals, people overwhelmed, sometimes bored, often scared, I could go on

We were OK, but that doesn't mean I don't empathise with those impacted. Your MIL is a prat. I don't want to read the thread though as there will just be "I didn't comply as I am so clever" idiots on here

MIL said 'be more organised'? What -for a once in a 100 years modern plague and intermittent lockdown with wider restrictions? How could you be organised for that? Ridiculous comment to make. Yes YANBU. It's fine for people who didn't do anything before COVID to say it was easy, but for people who didn't sit at home watching countdown all day it was a bit harder.

I work in care dreadfully time so many things in care changed the worse thing for me was seing residents die without their family beside them.
We definitely lost residents before their time not off covid but because off it many died alone confused believing their family's had abandoned them.
Some homes stayed locked down for longer them needed more residents were left in their rooms rather them mixing with other residents.
I'm so grateful that I lost my elderly relatives long before lock down as I can't imagine how awful it was for people to be able to visit their elderly or sick family in the home I worked in we occaselly smuggled family in to say good bye to dieing family uf the home was covid free we would open sides doors leave poi abd naje sure none off us had contact with the relatives, we took every posbely precaution but if their was no risk and the residents only had a few hours left we fealt it was the decent thing to do I'm not talking about people with covid but just very elderly residents who s family needed to say good bye

There were some aspects if lockdown that I didn't mind such as the isolating and staying home. However, the home schooling for my primary aged children was an utter nightmare they wouldn't engage with the schools worksheets on or offline. We worked round it with games, crafts, baking and other activities but that was exhausting trying to keep them from just festering. Luckily I have a decent sized garden and we had good neighbours on all sides meaning the kids still had human interaction even if it was over gates and fences.
My college age child was failed massively the hands on vehicle maintenance course was mostly writing up job sheets which has left him at a major disadvantage now when trying to find work. (He's not just festered since leaving college he's been in the army but discharged medically.) His chose field when interviewed he is let down by lack of hands on experience.

Yup, at the start of lockdowns, he said in Parliament "no one would be left behind"

A few months later after weeks of denying his support schemes had more holes than Swiss cheese, he changed his tune to "we can't help everyone".

So even he admitted he'd screwed it up in a round about way, despite lying his way through those months claiming there was a support scheme for all (there really wasn't).

Stupid thing was that a lot of the exclusions were illogical and nonsensical and had actually been thought up by some one and specifically enacted to stop certain groups of people claiming, for no obvious reason. Just sheer incompetence.

I'm so grateful that I lost my elderly relatives long before lock down as I can't imagine how awful it was for people to be able to visit their elderly or sick family in the home I worked in we occaselly smuggled family in to say good bye to dieing family uf the home was covid free we would open sides doors leave poi abd naje sure none off us had contact with the relatives, we took every posbely precaution but if their was no risk and the residents only had a few hours left we fealt it was the decent thing to do I'm not talking about people with covid but just very elderly residents who s family needed to say good bye

Good for you. Thank you.

I'd like to strangle your mother in law

Remember that’s just your opinion, it’s not fact! Too many parents expect school to raise their kids these days and complain if they have to have them at home. OP needed to stop at 2 kids, especially when they have particular needs that require more attention!

It depends. My husband almost died and still struggles health wise sadly due to the damage of covid. Thank God for the vaccine. I found lockdown a mixture..I had a young child and a very ill husband..I had friends I saw daily prior to lockdown who literally went into lockdown and I never seen again. I've friends who's children still not come out of their bedroom as they told their died by the gov at such a vulnerable age. My child is ok but had started school and it has effected her school wise. She getting there now but taken until now. The children aged 15-16 now seem to be the worst effected. However all children are effected as you can see it but in different ways depending where they were in the school or nursery...my cousin missed out going to uni for two years as being sensible she said what the point of going I stay at home... Life stopped and didn't recover as prior to covid..it was different

In our household of four it was good for some and bad for others.

For my DS, who has SEN, it was life changing for the better. He was used to being ignored and seen as not that bright as he was pigeonholed by his large secondary. He was in year 7 and pretty miserable. Lockdown changed that for him. He wasn't too nervous to answer questions, he also spoke up and was seen as very bright and never missed a lesson. The amount of teachers who said they were surprised at how clever he was blew my mind, I knew he was clever they just ignored that because he was an SEN pupil.
His confidence has grown ever since, he smashed his GCSEs and is doing some hefty A'levels. He's got his own style and is well liked at his sixth form

DD meanwhile turned from if anything annoyingly over confident to a shell who barely leaves the house unless they're off to school or sixth form. They didn't do well at GCSE because their school failed their year group, they used to start GCSE studies in year 9, which coincided with the worst of lockdown and year groups put on quarantine. They missed a lot of school. Then in 2022, stress caused them 5 months pretty much out of school due to a painful illness. They've given up their performing, it's so sad. They have some lovely friends, but not who they started lockdown with, those lot dropped them over boyfriends, which didn't help their mental health. They moved school for sixth form and although the school is excellent, they're nowhere near how bubbly they were.

DH and I were self employed at the start of lockdown, and worked in industries that stopped abruptly. We had to fight to save our rented home. DH did odd jobs where he could find them. I did some consultancy work from home. We decided we had had enough of working for others but being considered self employed and decided to properly get into the industry we worked within. We had a bit of a false start and we work our arses off for pennies right now whilst we build our business up from pretty much scratch.

It was hard. The lack of interaction. Missing and being unable to support friends who lost people. Missing out on events we had planned and everything else that was supposed to be going on.

I still feel like we lived in a fever dream. The daily briefings where it was obvious that Boris and co had no idea what was going on or how to deal with it. It was weird, one minute we were all going about our business, hearing sometimes about a cold in other countries, Caroline Flack passing away, Stormzy fighting online with another rapper, then all of a sudden people were fighting over toilet roll, and then we were queuing outside supermarkets and happy for a walk round the block.

On the whole I loved the lockdowns, we live rurally and have horses, dogs and sheep that kept us busy. I spent my days with my husband and our 2 year old. I do wonder why people have so many children then complain about having to look after them!

This

It's an interesting question.
I think she is wrong, of course, blind to other people's circumstances.

Personally, when it happened, I enjoyed it, mostly. I had been working remotely already for several years, due to childcare, so nothing changed in that respect.
I enjoy being with my child all the time. He was in elementary school, and we were all together, we had so much more time together.
The house is tiny but we have a garden, I enjoy gardening and the weather was good.

But these days I have come seeing things differently, a bit. I don't think missing social interaction was good for my child. He was already shy and it would have been a good time for him to make more friends. Without pickup time my interactions with other parents decreased and never recovered, which, along with having an online job and living in London with no relatives, meant my social relations got weaker. From being a very extrovert person, I became definitely more reserved and less able to strike a conversation.
My mother did not die of COVID, but ended up in hospital and, because of all restrictions, I did not make it there in time.
The funeral was also complicated to organise of course.

I took it positively, but I feel the lockdown affected negatively the mental health of many.

Thank you.

The one time that I saw someone in person from the undertaker's (apart from the day of the funeral) was when I was told that I had to sign the contract to say that I was paying for the funeral... For some reason, that couldn't be done over the phone or online. I had to sign a physical contract.