To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

[elliejjtiny]

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

I had a similar conversation with my parents about this earlier. They loved it, dad spent the whole time gardening, mum read countless books. They said they miss the peace. My lockdown was the opposite, trying to home school a five year old and a seven year old with ADHD nearly killed me and I've been a teacher. DH was working from home and in meetings the whole time, so I had to keep the children away from him and quiet, while trying to get them to do the work set by the school, of which there was a lot, far too much in my opinion. It was awful. They didn't understand why daddy couldn't play all day, nor could they understand why we couldn't just go to see their cousins, or grandparents. One day I took them to the park and all three of us were in tears when we discovered that the play area had been fenced off and sealed. The second lockdown was worse, I was recovering from surgery, with no support, DH still working hard from home to keep the roof over our heads and managing two children who were so confused about why they couldn't go to school again and even more reluctant to do school work, plus it was cold, dark and miserable outside.

I'm glad some people enjoyed themselves, but it feels very insensitive to dismiss those of us who were nearly destroyed mentally by it.

I found the lockdowns horrendous- I was a single parents juggling a full time demanding wfh job with homeschooling a yr 1 child and supervising my yr 6 child with her homeschool work.

It was hell on earth.

I am very bitter about it and what a disproportionate burden was put on some people as opposed to others.

I will never be ready to hear people say they liked and enjoyed it and not feel angry when I hear that.

I think the govt had a duty to make sure the burden was not so disproportionate.

Edit - oh yes and k didn’t realise at the time that my then yr 1 child has ADHD. It was always going to be impossible to homeschool him and I should have had him in school as both vulnerable (in this respect) and a key worker child (I am public sector but wasn’t counted as key in the first lock down - but also couldn’t be furloughed)

I was fine over the lockdowns, but I felt sorry for everyone with school age children, those who lived alone and those living in very small flats with no outdoor space. Some people are just contrarian like that, my mother is, and after a lifetime struggling with it I have decided ignoring it is the best policy.
Your MIL is obviously a person with little or no empathy for other people- avoid her wherever possible would be my advice.

I hated it and I had it “easy”. Living in a very small one bedroom flat with both me and my partner trying to wfh and getting totally on top of each other. Not being able to sit down outside for months to get some space and fresh air without constantly walking, because benches were blocked off and you couldn’t even sit down on grass in a park. I felt stir crazy. Constant anxiety of what the next lot of rules and poor communication would be, anxiety that has stayed with me ever since and wrecked my mental health as I constantly feel like something bad is going to happen.

Looking back lockdown wasn’t horrific for us - but during lockdown it really could have gone any way for any of us - so I am grateful to have survived it despite being a single mum living in a flat - we were lucky to have found ties with our community that offered support in all sorts of ways - from delivering free food to zoom calls with neighbours and ways to volunteer from home.

But I know people struggled and I can see so many parts of society has changed for the worse. In hindsight lockdown was horrible - depending on the way that your country dealt with it and what help and support you could access.

For those that struggled during lockdown - it’s not your fault at all. I didn’t struggle too much and could help out here and there - because people really needed it.

Single parent here of SEN kids. We literally did not leave the house for 3 months at a time, even to go for a walk, as DS1 couldn’t cope.

On a personal level, lockdown was quite nice day-to-day for me. But I was always aware that for others it was a hellish time, so I'm very glad it ended and would hate to see it ever return. The things I liked about it no way negate the horrors (people dying alone, the restrictions on funerals, people trapped in cramped or poor accommodation, children in isolation, the damage to mental health, economic damage, care home isolation but also exposed to COVID patients, etc etc).

I remember being jealous of people on furlough as we juggled full time demanding jobs from home and kids school work. We knew a lot of people who were furloughed and really enjoyed themselves. It seemed very unfair how difficult things were for us.

After the 2021 January/February lockdown homeschooling became way more intense. We had a full day's curriculum with 3 video calls and work set for in between each call. Week after week.

We don't have any family left and so I remember being sad at people excited lockdown was over because they were looking forward to family meetups and bbqs.

My mental health collapsed once kids on the last week of homeschooling in early 2021. I was done. Broken. Took some private therapy to recover but definitely one of the lowest points of my life.

I think this is more to do with your MIL being spectacularly self-absorbed than anything to do with people's experiences of lockdown.

This!!!!!!

Why are you giving this silly woman headspace?

As a family, DD and I coped fairly well and our mh’s didn’t take a hit. Financially we were better off because I wasn’t furloughed and could save money, I would have otherwise frittered away on useless shit. I recognise that my situation at the time of the lockdowns was fortunate and that in turn massively contributed to my lockdown experience. Had it happened two years earlier, urgh it would not have been so positive.

Good for you. I am pleased you had the capacity and resources for it to be a good experience.

Not everyone did, so a bit of empathy goes a long way.
It is not about ‘having so many children and then complaining about having to look after them’

Whilst it wasnt for me about this, (I have just one child who was a newborn so I was on maternity), I’ve read the stories and seen friends juggling multiple school age children trying to get them to do their school work and video calls across multiple devices whilst also juggling WFH themselves. Many families didn’t have enough devices to juggle school work and WFH.
For them I’m sure they’d resent the idea that they had ‘too many children to look after’ they may have had only 2 but both needing attention, having different needs, and juggling work as well.

I think because despite all the people who don't answer the door on here many of us believe that it takes a village to raise a child. I think even children with good parents need exposure to other people. I think looking after babies and toddlers is hard and most mums benefit from some adult conversation, someone making them a drink and some distraction for their children. Looking after small children in lockdown had none of that.

I had to keep working, we offered childcare for keyworker children. There were some positives in it that I got full pay and still had other people to interact with but I had to trust my own children would get on with their school work.

The biggest impact on me, on a personal level, were masks. I found it hard to tolerate them and as a glasses wearer I felt I couldn’t see or breathe if I went out. I avoided goIng out until they stopped being mandatory as I found them so uncomfortable. Those, along with the need to prebook everything, meant I lost a lot of spontaneity which has stayed with me. I don’t go out as much as I used to.

It completely destroyed us.

New job doubled projects overnight - realising people no longer needed to travel and worked from home. So I worked round the clock - with the constant threat that they would let people go if they couldn’t keep up.

husband went on furlough- had to look after 3 small kids. No online lessons for the kids from the school just lots of threats that they had to work. He had a mental breakdown, became an alcoholic and I’ve been paying for it ever since.

Lockdown was the start of the end of my normal happy life.

You are not being unreasonable. Peoples experiences were entirely different. I am lucky that no one I loved died. I think this would have just about finished me off to be honest.

You don't think it might be something to do with not having expected to have to look after them during a lockdown rather than looking after them per se, then?

I haven't got as many children as OP but I certainly didn't give any thought to what would happen if the country implemented an entirely new, experimental and untested pandemic management policy at some point during their childhoods. You don't get to pick ones without SEN either!

My small business has lost over half its client base in the last five years mostly due to covid and especially the random support exclusions for freelancers, self employed and small businesses. Whether driving instructors, market traders, small shops and cafes, small guest houses, etc. Couldn’t carry on due to being excluded so had to give up and get supermarket or delivery jobs, or take out loans which their business never recovered enough to be able to repay. The increase in empty shops, derelict guest houses, shortage of driving instructors, closed down cafes, etc is partly due to the damage to the small business economy due to the lockdowns, lack of support to the excluded, etc. A small business can’t survive on fresh air for months and just magically reopen and return to normality as if nothing happened - any new start up takes time and money to set up, and after months of lockdowns, that’s where small businesses were - back to start up- but without funding after their owners reserves and savings were used up just to survive.

I volunteered at a vaccine center and heard from vulnerable people who were told never to leave their small flat even at 5am for a walk by their doctors. The isolation and loneliness is unimaginable. It was a totally different story for people living with others or in large houses with outdoor space. Heartbreaking

What rubbish! I have a very crazy life. 4 kids, 2 dogs, lots of friends. 2 jobs I love. Go out at least twice a week for dancing or parties. Love gigs, pub,, quizzes, playing sport, watching sport.
I was one of those that didn't mind the first lockdown. I've had quite a few bad times in my life and had have had to keep on going. I knew it wouldn't be forever so I could get through it.
DH works for emergency services so he was having a horrible time. But I went down to a three-day week. My youngest child was nine so it wasn't too bad. A couple of them have SEN so that added to a mix of craziness but I'm used to that.
I am very lucky that we have a garden and a big park near us. One of the teens was very violent within the first couple of weeks to his sibling so we got rid of screens for him and only had an hour day for everyone else and actually I think this was a blessing. We did lots of things together as a family which was nice. All the kids learnt to cook.
There were points where it was hideous. It really hit me as I have health conditions and took me weeks to recover. DH has a bit of PTSD from some of the things he had to do with people that were dying. I lost two family members (older members) to COVID.
But don't look back on it as a particularly bad time just something we needed to get through. I do wonder if because I've had several bad times I've had to build up quite a strong resilience but equally I'm lucky because I'm surrounded by people that love me and I them?

I'm an extrovert. nearly every single day of my life i am socialising in some capacity. so to be told not to was horrific.

I was also working 60-70 hour week implementing and calculating furlough for the 1800 people we had to furlough. i still had to do my horses twice a day too but with all the competitions cancelled it felt like a lot of chores with no goal to aim for.

After the first few weeks, we did all start socialising again anyway, my nail technician came to the barn at the farm to do all our nails and earn some cash (as she didnt qualify for gov help she was on her arse) the same with a hairdresser friend. we met up for weekend drives out in our cars to visit different pub gardens that had set up outside food trucks and things. Without all that, many of my group would have suffered terribly with our mental health.

Yeah, I think part of the picture on some of the long term effects is how much an individual actually stuck to the rules.

Obviously not with things you didn't get a choice about, like access to schools, being excluded from state support, getting seen promptly enough for your cancer to be diagnosed etc. I don't mean that. But the social impacts. I feel very lucky to have been surrounded by people who decided early on that we would not sacrifice our children's socialisation or the jobs of those amongst us who couldn't get childcare, and to have lived in a community where that was doable.

People like your MIL who went on about lockdown being amazing and finding time to find themselves/take up yoga/learn new skills really pissed me off at the time and still do! I can’t imagine what lockdown was like if you had a small flat or house/no garden/new baby/sick relatives you couldn’t visit/were in a bad or even abusive relationship etc.

I work for the NHS and felt a huge “imposter syndrome” on the Thursdays when everyone was clapping, I work in paediatrics and children were not hugely affected whilst adult departments were struggling. I felt so awkward coming home from work and neighbours cheerily waving and saying how great it was that I was an NHS worker (I’m admin not clinical but based on a ward). I remember the beginning when not much was known about it, going down in the lift only to find a security guard sending me back up as they’d closed the corridor to move a COVID patient from ED to a ward, corridor locked down whilst the domestic team followed behind the bed cleaning as they moved.

DH had to continue working but from home - I’d underestimated the increased amount of work he’d have to do, he had to call his customers regularly to check in and also implement the loan schemes that the government offered, he was sat at the desk from 8.30 to 19.00 most days. And whilst school offered for key worker children to go in, I felt the pressure to keep DD3 at home (as well as having to make the decision when no one really knew much about how it would be/transmission rates etc). School set online lessons but I know she often just logged in and left the computer on (no cameras allowed re safeguarding). She was year 7, it took a while to catch her up to speed by year 8. DD2 was at college and already had MH problems, one of which being OCD which was now being reinforced with the handwashing advice. 5 years on and she still has to antibacterial wipe all the post. CAMHS stopped seeing her due to lockdown, took months to sort out video appointments which she struggled with then she turned 18 during the next lockdown and was kicked out to adults. We are now trying to get seen by a specialist OCD centre as the behaviours are so ingrained.

I feel fortunate that are lucky ones as we have the income and the house to have made lockdown bearable but the lockdown after-effects are still shit. I also feel sad that at the beginning there was a sense of community and people coming together (virtually), but by the end after the government lies and f@ck ups people were more angry and divided than ever. If the government had been honest and clear, and not partied (or snogged in corridors), and also held their hands up to admit mistakes people might have had more respect and trust in them

They just couldn't be bothered to administer it properly. For other people there was so much money being thrown at them. Every couple of months it seemed. I know businesses (tourism related) who expanded massively in the immediate aftermath of Covid because of the all the money they had been given. Of course it was taxed, but not if you had spent it all on capital assets. And then there was the post Covid tourism boom.

However they are suffering now because of the downturn in domestic tourism.

Yup, it seemed they were more interested in preserving property market. Businesses paying business rates automatically got £10k whether they "needed" it or not. Businesses like holiday lets who'd wrongly not registered for business rates were allowed to back date registration to claim their £10k! Local councils also paid grants to holiday lets separately.

I had quite a few holiday let clients being based closely to a national park and seaside resorts. One guy had 3 holiday lets and got a total of £28k in grants for each of them - none of the grants depending on "need", not even requiring any proof of loss of income - just automatically paid out by ticking a box on the council website and they (hopefully) just checked against the business rate register. The guy had got away for years with not registering for business rates and not paying business rates, but the council just allowed a late registration and didn't even raise bills for all the years they knew he'd avoiding paying rates! Even in a "normal" year, he didn't make £28k from any of the 3 lets. And in fact because of covid, he had a better trading year for 2020 and 2021 due to staycations and the fact that as his lets were separate with no communal doors/hallways, he could still rent them out during the lockdowns to "key workers" so they were full anyway with NHS workers at the local hospital!

All complete nonsense as to who was given grants (often not needed) and those who were excluded and really struggled.

And that's before the fiasco of virtually no checks on rogue businesses being given loans that they just pocketed and never paid back because they were using "off the shelf" historic limited companies which weren't trading, but HMRC/Treasury didn't think to check they were genuine!

I was never keen on the stamp duty holiday either.

I also feel sad that at the beginning there was a sense of community and people coming together (virtually), but by the end after the government lies and f@ck ups people were more angry and divided than ever. If the government had been honest and clear, and not partied (or snogged in corridors), and also held their hands up to admit mistakes people might have had more respect and trust in them

And yes to this. There was so much community spirit and goodwill at the start. It was all completely squandered.

The UK population was treated like naughty children who couldn't understand "the science" and who needed to be threatened with punishment if they didn't unquestioningly submit to everything. And if they questioned anything, especially here on MN and social media, they were called selfish. There was one update by Hancock I think, when he said something along the lines of "if you don't behave we will have to crack down harder" as though it was a collective punishment for the transgressions of a few. So many changing goalposts, such us being told explicitly on the Today programme on Radio 4 that the vaccine would mean life pretty much being back to normal by Easter 2021, swiftly followed by "we need to keep restrictions because vaccines don't actually mean you can't catch it, can't pass it on, can't die, can stop being selfish" etc. There was just no honesty.

And then of course it turned out that they were partying in Downing Street, and crucially, they weren't personally afraid of the virus. No wonder people lost trust.

Broadly agree with much of this, but I think it's worth pointing out that the initial sense of community always had giant great holes in it.

There were positive things to come out of that, but we were also confining abuse victims to their homes with perpetrators. We were fucking over people who relied on the existence of various services and the daily rhythms of life for their wellbeing. We had legislation that meant some people living alone were simply expected to go without face to face contact with other humans for weeks.

Part of the pendulum swinging back is because this didn't become part of the wider public discourse until later. It's hard to separate how much of it is down to the beginnings of Partygate in December 2021, and how much is down to a greater willingness to talk about who we'd fucked over with restrictions earlier in the pandemic, as they both kicked in around the same time.

I've wondered before how much the greater willingness of the Tories and some in Labour to be critical of restrictions later on was down to them knowing that there was proof of rule breaking at no 10. Starmer, in retrospect, seemed to be hinting at something in April 2021 when he did that line about misleading Parliament and leaving it there for now during PMQs.