To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

[elliejjtiny]

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

I refused to watch television at all in 2020: I can proudly say I didn’t watch a single briefing live. I gave up radio 4 that year as well, when I had heard “corrrrrrronavirus” once too many, and in August, Boris saying “we need to squeeeeeeeze the brakes on reopening”, while trampling all over children.

I tried to watch an opera of Hansel and gretel on YouTube… then discovered it was a version filmed in 2021: with actors keeping apart on the stage, and masked musicians. There was just no fucking escape.

@Modernskylines well he's always been a bit of a moaner- but was hugely full scale grade A moaner at that time.

I have PTSD as a result of the COVID lockdown . I had to watch my disabled son have a slow breakdown over the period of about a year which involved bone curdling screaming every couple of hours including through the night, him running away from home, trying to strangle and hit and kick me, him smashing his head against and wall and trying to break his bedroom windows and I couldn't leave him alone because it was too dangerous so I just had to try to ignore it. Eventually he had a catatonic breakdown and was unable to move and became doubly incontinent. He has only just revived to pre COVID functioning and I am permanently disabled as a result.

There was no social services support available at the time despite us being in crisis and at the point of family breakdown and full respite services only reopened this time last year.

We were lucky. We had a garden, allotments. Good weather. Dh was still at work and I was home with the children. Though one child was affected by the lock downs but now overcome.

I won’t apologise for enjoying the lack of routine and demands on our time, enjoying our nice walks and gardening in the lovely weather.

Sure lining up around B&m carpark in the heat to go buy a few things wasn’t nice but we never ran out of anything, didn’t have to play hunt the toilet roll.

And yes honestly in a new now even bigger home with more land. I’d do again almost no problem apart from it being my oldest time to do GCSE’s so yes he was a year 6-7 transfer during Covid.

Before Sunak announced the help for the self employed I remember worrying on MN about how I was going to cope without an income. One poster told me that if my business (and therefore I) couldn't survive without income for a few months then I probably wasn't viable anyway and I shouldn't even be thinking about such a thing when people were DYING.

People lost their fucking minds.

@UndermyShoeJoe
We were lucky. We had a garden, allotments. Good weather. Dh was still at work and I was home with the children. Though one child was affected by the lock downs but now overcome.

I won’t apologise for enjoying the lack of routine and demands on our time, enjoying our nice walks and gardening in the lovely weather.

No-one's asking you to apologise for enjoying it. Simply to appreciate and show empathy for those for whom it was a struggle, or downright horrendous time. By your own admission you were "lucky", so it shouldn't be too hard to imagine that others had a hard time of it.

There were aspects of 2020 that I really enjoyed - I actually look back on that year fondly. No-ones asked me to apologise for that, or is disputing that. But other aspects were horrendous. People deserve empathy for that, for what we went through.

That’s not true.
Self employed people received support from the government in proportion to their earnings.
Those who ‘lost out’ were those who has a Ltd company, paid themselves the minimum and had the rest as earnings from the company.

Reading this has actually triggered the rage and upset I felt at the time. DH is self-employed, and trades as a limited company as his clients won't use sole traders. He pays himself the miminum and then dividends, not as some sort of tax dodge, although it is perfectly legal obviously, but because it makes far more sense for someone with very variable levels of money coming in.

We'd had a rough financial period for a couple of reasons prior to 2020, and things were just looking up it all happened and every single job vanished from his diary, and we had no idea if or when his industry would restart.

Having people on here saying we were tax dodgers who deserved to be almost penniless, was really the cherry on the very, very shit cake.

I agree,what a horrible thing to say!

Ah yes, the joy of suddenly being labelled "non-essential" which no matter how robust or pragmatic you tried to be, felt oddly personal. One minute you were part of a functioning economy and community, then you weren't.

We had a shop separate to DPs employment, niche, lifestyle, gifts and clothing which was mine to run. When I shared thoughts on social media, on our sudden transition to non-essential, it was suggested I buy a freezer / fridge and stock foodstuffs to be able to open, or start running as a cafe when restrictions loosened. No understanding of the costs or upheaval or how it would essentially be breaking rules and possibly incur fines and breach usage by-laws etc, never mind we were right between a mini-mart and a bakery. We never really recovered, so we downsized and relocated to reduce overheads, and less than two months after re-opening in late 2021, DP died. After that, it was a steady decline for reasons I just bitterly posted about on another thread exhorting people to support local independent businesses.

The more I think about it all, the crosser I get, especially now when having Covid, unless you're really poorly, is considered no different to having a cold in terms of how you're supposed to deal with it.

Unfortunately, some people used covid and lockdown as excuses to be the twat they'd always wanted to be.

It was a mixed bag for me. I was relieved that schools were shut, it gave me some respite from being a punch bag trying to get my school refuser in.
3 days before lockdown DF was diagnosed with cancer so it was a shit time but I was off work for 5 weeks then only working 2 days a week for 4 months (on full time pay) so I was able to take him for his treatment every week day which I would have otherwise been unable to do.
Sadly he succumbed to the cancer 11 months later, I cherish all the extra time I got to spend with him.

@Newname71 I'm so sorry you're in the shitty club too, virtual hug coming your way.

I suffer from a weird conflict around the fact that lockdown meant I could devote myself to my Mum in her last month of life, which was of course a privilege I was grateful for, but the damage it did to my business was terrible. But I would have struggled far more with caring for her and trying to work if we weren't in lockdown so in an odd way it was a bit of a blessing.

So sorry you went through a loss too.
That’s how I feel, a blessing in disguise.

I work full time usually and DF would’ve had to get taxis to go for his hospital appointments. I’m a dental nurse and we were forced to close for nearly 3 months. We were off for the first month then went back just 2 days a week on a rota just keeping in touch with patients and giving advice. It gave me the time to devote to him.

I'm so glad you had that time x

Lockdowns destroyed my health and the ramifications still continue. I am autistic (didn't know it at the time) single, and have no family support due to dysfunction. The amount of stress not having any support and all of the things I relied on to stay sane (in person therapist, the gym, the library, opportunity to make connections) resulted in major depression and then CFS that took years of my life away from me. I'm one of the "economically inactive" people as a consequence of all of this - there's definitely not enough coverage in the media about how the tragedy of the pandemic wasn't just due to the disease itself (which was of course awful). But that's to be expected as most people working in the media are middle-class privileged people who weren't single, isolated, living in a small flat, with additional needs or any other things that made lockdowns torment and a direct threat to their health.

@WestwardHo1 yep, wonder how they would feel if they said to everyone furloughed- well if you can't get by for a few months on UC or use your savings then clearly you have been financially irresponsible- it's the same with mortgages- if self employed (even years ) you often have to jump through multiple hoops and have higher deposits, whereas someone employed on PAYE has no idea if they will be made redundant in 6 weeks- with self employment you tend to have far more control of knowing if your business is in trouble.

@Modernskylines well it's variable ! But no time has been quite as bad as 2020/2021

Had my son 5 days before lockdown started and we spent 10 days in NICU so left the hospital to a very different world.
I was lucky I could stay in hospital with him but I was also terrified of going home.*
DH couldn’t even visit towards the end of the 10 days. I was running out of clothes, didn’t expect a NICU stay.
I got very little support from the NICU staff.
I am grateful it was only 10 days but the trauma of that time still lives with me.

when we left hospital the world felt very different to when I entered hospital, 13 days before (I was in being induced before he was born)
I left hospital with a fragile baby, and no support from family who lived a minimum of 2 hours away. Also no support from services.

maternity leave was mostly in lockdown and very different than I expected. I was very anxious and that still lives with me as well.

lockdown impacted everyone differently and I am grateful no one close to me was seriously unwell with Covid. I am also grateful that we got a bit longer with DH at home, because I think I would have broken.

I also think that people who had older children had it much harder than a newborn. So OP I feel for you it sounds hard.

I believe it was the right thing at the time, but the legacy it has left particularly for children who missed vital and foundational aspects of education and socialisation will be felt for a generation and beyond!

*edited to add. I was terrified of going home because I worried they wouldn’t let me back again, I was also so scared of loosing him so much I couldn’t leave.

I was extremely lucky that I was on maternity leave during the first lockdown. Baby was 8 months old when it began so I didn’t have to worry about working (at least for the first few months). I did find the uncertainty incredibly hard though so was super anxious. Homeschooling a 6 year old and trying to explain to a 4 year old why he couldn’t go to nursery or see anyone was really intense. Juggling 3 kids was really hard work especially once the baby started crawling / climbing and getting into everything but my OH was working from home so at least I wasn’t alone in the house and we took our daily walk together during his lunch break, which helped a lot. I finally had time to play for long stretches of time with the kids, finish projects around the house and we got a lot of sun in the garden and I even managed to run everyday as I could easily tag team with OH at 8.45am so he logged in on good time. That was amazing. Never been able to exercise early doors since though as would have to go too early to make it viable (or appealing!). Fittest I’ve ever been then probably! The winter lockdown was completely HORRIFIC though by comparison. I was back to work (having to work from home for the first time ever), now had 2 kids to home school plus a toddler and OH had to go back to the office full time so I was essentially doing it all alone from 8am to 6pm. I was intensely depressed at that time and would never want to go back to it.

I was widowed during lockdown - early 2021.

It would have been bad at any time...but registering DH's death via phone? Selecting a coffin from an online catalogue? Travelling in the funeral car on my own? Hellish.

I'm so sorry.

Stuck in a flat two bed with no outdoor space if we were isolating. (14 days without going outside) Two autistic teens, one of whom really struggled.

I have only read a few posts but I can see it was really shit for a quite few people in different ways.

The plus side was that when we were not isolating we could travel over to their dad's house (terrace with a yard)

I'm disabled and lockdown made it more difficult for me to walk. (Deconditioning) I couldn't walk for exercise much barely five minutes.

I used to hate the threads from people who didn't want to isolate in their detached houses with large gardens... especially when I was trying to keep an autistic kid (actually not then a teen) inside and active for 14 days. (Elderly neighbours on the stairwell)

Yeah, that's really bad. It's when you need people.

There should have been better provision for funerals.