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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

443 replies

elliejjtiny · 08/03/2025 16:00

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

OP posts:
WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 09/03/2025 12:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

soupyspoon · 09/03/2025 12:03

Its interesting isnt it that some people want others to shut up about it, after all it was a whole 5 years ago

Yet people talk about the second world war as if it was yesterday, as a society its referenced ALL the time!! It ended 80 years ago!!! You cant move for phrases about it, narrative about it, documentaries about it.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 09/03/2025 12:09

I think the majority have tried to "get over it" from the sense that we're going about whatever daily lives we have managed to reconstruct, but the impact still lingers, for some far more than others as posts here illustrate.

Dismissal of people's negative experiences and denying them the chance to even talk about it is actually very illustrative of one long term impact in itself.

And people forget that practical impact was still evident into 2022.

My late DP collapsed with a major brain bleed in January 2022. He was rushed to our local hospital and subsequently transferred to the next county for life saving surgery. Thing is, he tested positive for Covid, complete symptomless, at hospital A, so we had to go home, and wait, for two weeks.

He came round from the operation and things were looking good. I had one phone call with him where he was obviously high as a kite, but then he deteriorated. Ten days later they confirmed, by phone, he'd had a second catastrophic bleed and wasn't coming back. I received that news on my birthday. I had to beg, plead and cry, in my 50s, to be allowed to go and see him despite technically it being against the rules. Thankfully, I and his frail, elderly Dad were allowed special dispensation. It was "too late" of course, he was "gone" and although he remained on life support fir a further 10 days, we were still mired in Covid bureaucracy.

Visiting was limited to every other day, for one hour, only two people - ideally the same two people, and dependent on a negative Covid test. When "pull the plug" time came, there was more leniency and compassion to be fair, but sitting by his bedside for 72 hours waiting for him to breathe his last was poor compensation for missing his last lucid window.

Add into the mix his initial collapse was less than a week after his second booster. He had dutifully had the vaccine for his work, as he was a body piercer, so had no option if he wanted to work compliantly. So for five months, I wondered, and waited, as histopathology took that long to figure out his actual cause of death. Turned out it was undiagnosed, virtually symptomless cancer that had quietly ravaged his throat, liver, lungs and brain, finally. I do still wonder if there was any connection but have to "accept" I'll never know whether the booster contributed to his demise due to that existing weakness. Or whether, if we hadn't been in lockdown, he might have felt more confident about going to the doctors for his persistent and worsening indigestion which was the only sign of anything wrong. Yes, there may have been lifestyle and genetic components at play, as his Dad had survived the same cancer. But lockdown definitely played a part in his reluctance to seek help, as in the first month if lockdown, my mother had come to live with us as she was in her last month of life with ovarian cancer, and we experienced first hand the chaos of trying to access palliative care or any other support "because Covid". The Macmillan nurses vanished into thin air, and our one saving grace were fabulous district nurses who came every other day to do "the draining". It was hell, and it destroyed our confidence in healthcare.

In fact, when it became obvious that Mum wasn't safe to live alone, we had to orchestrate her move to our house, where we were very fortunate to have a room with an ensuite to accommodate her. It went thus:

I rang Macmillan to ask for help, support and guidance for the transfer, to be told by the receptionist it was against the rules, and no, we couldn't speak to a HCP. We then contacted Mum's GP who thankfully was far more sensible. She listened to the fact that I could not move in to her tiny one bed flat, and that Mum was starting to have falls, identified she needed 24 hours in hospital to level out her sodium etc, and she was admitted. I'll never forget watching them lead my stoic and uncharacteristically tearful Mum into the ambulance that night, wondering if I would ever see her again, then orchestrating getting her furniture and necessities to our house for the next day when she was discharged

Fortunately we knew a man with a van, who learning of what was going on, was as "fuck the rules" as we were, and we managed it. I still don't really know how, but we did, and thankfully, tough though it was, we were lucky to be able to be Mum's bubble until the end. But I lived with the fear that some officious that would try and take custody if her because we'd broken the rules, even though it was in her best interests to do so, despite the fact that hospice care was not even an option.

Fuck me, I have buried and "got over" so much. And when I think of all those who were separated from dying loved ones, my heart absolutely breaks. And those who's health deteriorated far more than it needed to because everything ground to a halt for Covid.

Currently there's all this rhetoric and propaganda around sick and disabled people draining the economy and hoovering up benefits, but what is conveniently ignored is that the uptick in claimants is tied up with the pandemic time scale. Mismanagement of overall non Covid health issues, both physical and mental,is a huge part of that, and it is vile and victim blaming to ignore that.

As for the vaccine - I never got it. Had bad reactions as a child, I'm not particularly vulnerable and I felt confident in taking my chances. It wasn't a conspiracy thing, it was a personal thing. Five years on, I'm glad I didn't, for so many more reasons.

Lockdown was a shit show as far as I'm concerned.

ThePartingOfTheWays · 09/03/2025 12:13

soupyspoon · 09/03/2025 12:03

Its interesting isnt it that some people want others to shut up about it, after all it was a whole 5 years ago

Yet people talk about the second world war as if it was yesterday, as a society its referenced ALL the time!! It ended 80 years ago!!! You cant move for phrases about it, narrative about it, documentaries about it.

It's especially interesting when they do it in the same breath. There's no awareness that if we'd all forgotten about WW2 by now, they wouldn't be able to try and co-opt the collective trauma and memory for their poor quality internet arguments.

piscofrisco · 09/03/2025 12:17

I was a care home manager throughout Covid and it was pretty rough. In fact I've since left that profession pretty much as the pandemic took its toll in terms of making me really not want to do that job anymore.
On all other fronts I am a person that quite enjoyed lockdowns. I had just met now dh and it fast forwarded our relationship hugely and in lovely ways. I saved a lot of money and didn't have to worry about for the first time in adult life. My DDS were early teens and were mostly ok. Of course there were moments where it felt depressing and suffocating. And work was a constant slog and really awful at times but in general I look back on it as being a nice time for me personally-we all experience things differently. I would never say that in person to someone I knew had struggled through it however. In that your MiL is an idiot. And I'm sorry you and others here found it hard.

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 09/03/2025 12:19

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 09/03/2025 11:10

@APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH well you seem to care, as you're on the thread and commenting on it.

Also, some people care (personally or professionally) because the effects of it were long lasting in some cases and they're still dealing with the aftermath of it.

That ok with you?

Do you not have a time limit for moving on?

FormidableMizzP · 09/03/2025 12:20

NBU. My (retired) parents didn't notice any difference either, however, kids and DH loved it, but it was an extremely difficult time for me. Thankfully DH work was able to continue online so financially we were okay.
Late 2019 I got whooping cough and then Jan 20 the delta covid, whilst going through menopause (found this out later). Eldest DC is immunosuppressed, so we had to shield. During the school day was when I got a break, the house was quiet, my brain could 'download' and I could get all the jobs done. Then wham, everyone was home 24/7 and I was bombarded with, what's for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Online lessons and zoom calls etc all day long. Online food shopping was new to me and the priority status only came in 2 months later. All of this for 1yr, plus long covid, I ended up totally burnt out, mentally and physically totally drained.

Modernskylines · 09/03/2025 12:49

i wonder how much the people who are of the view that lockdown permanently destroyed the country and everything’s “gone to shit” convey this to their children

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/03/2025 13:02

God, I remember all the adverts and the tv show intros being so twee and “we know you’re just LOVING the sunshine, the banana bread and those new hobbies you’re picking up with all this spare time, but remember to keep everyone safe!” - as if the only people working were in hospitals and the rest of the country was on a jolly.

I lived alone and had no bubble so had no physical contact with anyone for months. I was working so much overtime as my colleagues were all on 50% reduced hours due to childcare and I was so, so exhausted and unhappy, and then there’d be the facebook posts of people in paddling pools crowing about how great it all was.

Horrendous. Can’t believe it was 5 years ago.

OneMoreForLuck · 09/03/2025 13:02

soupyspoon · 09/03/2025 12:03

Its interesting isnt it that some people want others to shut up about it, after all it was a whole 5 years ago

Yet people talk about the second world war as if it was yesterday, as a society its referenced ALL the time!! It ended 80 years ago!!! You cant move for phrases about it, narrative about it, documentaries about it.

It's odd, isn't it?

With the wars it's all "Lest we forget" yet covid/lockdowns is "please forget now".

I wonder if a certain amount of time needs to pass. When did people start talking about the war after it happened? We know that trauma was kept under wraps and affected people and the next generation.

Or is it something to do with the lack of a "good" narrative around it all? Plus an awful lot of suffering occurred due to lockdowns, not covid directly, so there's a sense that it didn't have to happen like that. People wanting others to shut up may reflect their own internal fear at confronting this. In comparison, with WW2 the understanding is we HAD to do what we did, and we won the war, we kept evil at bay. We must not forget the horrors, and try to avoid it happening again, but there is a positive thread in it all. Sacrifices were made for a greater good. Whereas the response to the covid pandemic has a sense of futility, we all know it was mismanaged in some ways at least, and it is not clear (at a population level) whether the suffering caused by intervention was worth it.

(This makes me want to highlight @MistressoftheDarkSide 's post at 12.09 today and say - Lest we forget.)

I read somewhere that the biggest predictor of trauma symptoms is whether the person had social support at the time of the trauma (more than the objective severity of the trauma itself). With covid, the events may have been lower level trauma but the social support system was removed. The very thing we needed was the thing taken away.

Trauma also tends to be worse when its due to man-made events rather than natural disasters. It makes me wonder what would have happened if we'd had very few rules - just banning mass gatherings, option to WFH if possible/desired, that sort of thing. How would people be dealing with it mentally now? (I am NOT saying this is what should have happened - just a thought experiment.) Would more deaths, the aftermath of hospitals being overwhelmed, the effects of covid as an illness directly, be more palatable for us to bear than the aftermath of, and suffering caused by, man-made lockdowns?

People talking about it all is people processing it, coming to terms with it, finding a way to move on.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 09/03/2025 13:07

It was "hilarious" how so many people suddenly started shouting about inequalities in education and how it's not fair! And how quiet they all got once it was all over.

OneMoreForLuck · 09/03/2025 13:29

@MistressoftheDarkSide
What got to me the most was the sudden realisation how easy it would be to recruit people into the Stasi. It was almost a global Standird Prison experiment in many ways. And the oppression of discussion in case "misinformation" was hugely frustrating.

Gosh yes.
As a die-hard leftie I have felt very let down by the political left over the past decade, but never more than during 2020. The very people who should have been scrutinising the government's actions, the political opposition - and they were endorsing the government even more enthusiastically than Tories themselves!

As an aside, one of my initial thoughts in 2020 was that politically it would be fascinating to see a sudden surge of support for the welfare state, once large swathes of the population had to live on benefits for a bit. So many people suddenly realising you could be without work through no fault of your own! Of course they introduced furlough to avoid that. 🙄

@ThePartingOfTheWays
Anecdotally, it didn't seem to work half so well on the working classes and those less inclined to trust the police. I felt very glad to live in an area where that sort of thing doesn't fly.

I lived in that sort of area too. We had a police car driving slowly round the streets constantly, at the start. Also helicopters.
I was however heartened by a pleasant interaction with two officers a few months into the first lockdown - they said a lot of people were finding it very hard, mental health related calls had skyrocketed, and seemed to be holding back from saying outright they didn't agree with the rules.

JenniferBooth · 09/03/2025 13:48

@MistressoftheDarkSide

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2025/03/07/sick-and-disabled-face-6bn-benefits-cut-by-rachel-reeves/

They were happy to use the sick and disabled as tools to emotionally blackmail others into following Covid restrictions and lockdowns Both Tories and Labour did this. They were fucking sick and disabled enough then!!!!!!!!
Gaslighting hypocritical cunts.

MrsB74 · 09/03/2025 13:55

zoemum2006 · 08/03/2025 17:38

It really annoys me when people say they enjoyed lockdown. To me it shows massive self absorption.

people were dying, the world had tilted on its axis, measures were costing billions, children had no school, the certainty on which we based our lives were removed. The repercussions have proven to be devastating which were easy to foresee at the time.

for me personally it was horrendous: massive loss of income, worry over DH taking immunosuppressants, my mum losing her sight and having to navigate hospitals in chaos.

I’m not self absorbed and I enjoyed lockdown. I was furloughed and got to spend lots of time with my primary school children in the sunshine. I viewed it as quality time that I’d never get the opportunity to have again. We did however have some money worries and missed seeing a lot of family who live far away, including a close relative’s newborn that we couldn’t meet properly/cuddle. That still angers me now. Like most we lost people, had relatives in care homes etc. I just tend to look on the positive side. I am also angry about the long term effects on nhs waiting lists etc, but honestly don’t think there was any effect on our mental health as a family. We did continue to talk to neighbours though who are also close friends - we weren’t too neurotic about it all because we weren’t vulnerable.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 09/03/2025 14:01

On the subject of getting the "sick and disabled" back into work, I was on a thread recently that is now full, and I repeatedly asked how one forces employers to take them on, as especially with fluctuating conditions, their "productivity" would by definition be nigh on impossible to guarantee within a business model. No-one would answer that.

It was suggested that pretty much anyone could just WFH, but of course that is being actively discouraged in many sectors with demands of going into office settings "just because" it seems in many cases.

Still doesn't address how someone disadvantaged by poor health or disability gets a job in the first place, unless they're supposed to go and picket employers, or hold HR at gun point till a contract is secured.

The attitude seems to be "just get a job", "try harder", "make yourself more attractive to employers" etc. It also overlooks the fact that training, getting to interviews, dressing well etc is impacted massively once one is caught in the benefits trap and on a small fixed income and likely in debt as a result.

Some people think it's just such a simple thing, and refuse to believe it is a complex and multi-faceted problem.

JenniferBooth · 09/03/2025 14:07

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 09/03/2025 10:53

Who cares - it was 5 years ago. Surely everyone is sick to the back teeth of lockdown whingeing by now?

I take it you and others wont be doing anything to mark VE Day Who cares? It was 80 years ago.

JenniferBooth · 09/03/2025 14:11

soupyspoon · 09/03/2025 12:03

Its interesting isnt it that some people want others to shut up about it, after all it was a whole 5 years ago

Yet people talk about the second world war as if it was yesterday, as a society its referenced ALL the time!! It ended 80 years ago!!! You cant move for phrases about it, narrative about it, documentaries about it.

Including the phrase "blitz spirit" being invoked during the lockdowns

Modernskylines · 09/03/2025 14:13

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/03/2025 13:02

God, I remember all the adverts and the tv show intros being so twee and “we know you’re just LOVING the sunshine, the banana bread and those new hobbies you’re picking up with all this spare time, but remember to keep everyone safe!” - as if the only people working were in hospitals and the rest of the country was on a jolly.

I lived alone and had no bubble so had no physical contact with anyone for months. I was working so much overtime as my colleagues were all on 50% reduced hours due to childcare and I was so, so exhausted and unhappy, and then there’d be the facebook posts of people in paddling pools crowing about how great it all was.

Horrendous. Can’t believe it was 5 years ago.

There weren’t many tv shows being filmed during lockdown?
and I certainly don’t recall much joviality from presenters

JenniferBooth · 09/03/2025 14:17

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 09/03/2025 13:07

It was "hilarious" how so many people suddenly started shouting about inequalities in education and how it's not fair! And how quiet they all got once it was all over.

Yep Same with the bedroom tax Ppl were moaned at on here for not having a spare room to isolate in Some downsized because of said tax, All gone quiet now though and the same hypocrites still think the bedroom tax should continue.

JenniferBooth · 09/03/2025 14:18

Gosh yes.
As a die-hard leftie I have felt very let down by the political left over the past decade, but never more than during 2020. The very people who should have been scrutinising the government's actions, the political opposition - and they were endorsing the government even more enthusiastically than Tories themselves

Yes Me too

Crikeyalmighty · 09/03/2025 14:34

@iggleoggle I feel somewhat like that - if I had been 'on my own' in our nice house with good garden and same income- I would have coped just fine but my H hated it, moaned constantly and was in a chronic bad mood and I was kind of stuck with that - no kids at home either still to deflect it a bit

Modernskylines · 09/03/2025 14:36

Crikeyalmighty · 09/03/2025 14:34

@iggleoggle I feel somewhat like that - if I had been 'on my own' in our nice house with good garden and same income- I would have coped just fine but my H hated it, moaned constantly and was in a chronic bad mood and I was kind of stuck with that - no kids at home either still to deflect it a bit

What was he and the marriage like before lockdown and after?

Shubbypubby · 09/03/2025 14:39

I think we need to acknowledge that everyone's experiences were valid, whatever their age or lifestyle. It's okay to have enjoyed it and it's okay to have really struggled with it. Neither side needs to justify their feelings and experience but as adults we should be open minded enough to realise the huge diversity of experiences don't nullify our own.

PinkArt · 09/03/2025 14:49

No amount of organising could change anyone's core state during lockdowns. You couldn't organise to have had fewer children nor for them to have less complicated health. I couldn't organise to not live on my own nor to not have a garden. People made do with the hand they were dealt but some people were dealt much, much better hands.