To expect husband to feed baby on the weekends?

[Gemmy96]

I am a SAHM who looks after dc (1yo) from Monday to Friday solo. This includes all meals, with the exception of a few dinners a week, all cooking, all baby groups, all medical appointments, etc. All the usual SAHM things. My husband goes out to work Monday to Friday. We have just had our usual Saturday morning row because he wants to lie in (as if I ever get to!) and is whining about me asking him to feed the baby. The issue is, apparently, that he never gets a full day off. AIBU?

How can two adults not agree on one person gets to sleep late on Saturday and the other on Sunday?

That’s cool. He gets today, you get tomorrow, right?

Because the other adult wants to lie in both days.

Well, that ain’t happening, is it?

have you any crayons handy? Looks like he needs a picture…..

🤣 lolz. He's a dad now and needs to lower his expectations. As a parent you might get a 'full day off' a couple of times a year, if you're lucky. And you need to arrange the childcare, prep your DCs stuff (clothes, food, toys etc) depending on who's looking after them (if not the other parent). And be grateful to the person(s) facilitating the day off.

Lie ins should be shared 50:50.

Sorry you married a dick.
Go out the house. Have a walk together and talk it through. Explain you both need a lie in. Agree one day you don't cook and one day he doesn't.
Don't have more children with him.

One lie-in each is what's fair (and the thing I missed the most when I became a single mum to younger kids... of course now they're older, it's that I get no time alone in the evenings instead :) )

I know I hate when people suggest a sit-down chat, but, for your own sanity, have a sit down chat and confirm that his expectation is that because he goes out to work monday to friday, he should never do any childcare, and you are responsible for house/kids 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week.

Once you have that said out loud, that yes, he doesn't ever expect to take any responsibility for the children, and you should never have time off, you can decide what you want to do about that.

Don't have anymore children with this man.

I'd say turn taking.

You both deserve a lie in day at weekend and you both deserve "down time" so split weekend childcare and household tasks.

One lie-in each, he’s a dolt. Presumably you save the household money by being a SAHM and therefore eliminating childcare costs. That’s work too but it’s clear he doesn’t see it like that.

Your a SAHM Monday-Friday while he goes our to work.

Easy solution to solve the lie in problem and get him to help with baby would be he becomes a SAHD Sat-Sun and you get a weekend job...

Bloody hell, another useless man post.

You take turns for a sleep in.

Better still go back to work FT then it's 50/50 see how he likes it then.

That’s not happening is it. His lie in Saturday, yours on Sunday.

Yeah.

Not happening.

Sometimes we have to push back a bit with the people in our lives. Firmly, politely, and robustly.

He should also be dealing with any nighttime issues on Friday and Saturday nights to give you a proper break.

He's keeping a whole family financially secure.
You are a SAHM.
Before anyone says "so what, it isn't 1950" - so what if he decided not to do this and walk away?
Jump and feed your (supposedly wanted) baby.

When does he think you 'get a full day off?' You're looking after a baby all week, it's not a 9-5 job, it's a 24/7 job! He should step up at the weekend and do his fair share of feeding/changing/playing with baby. What's more, he should want to do it.

This. I’d be interested to know if he actually does any childcare in the evenings

What happens on Sunday at the moment?

Needs more context really. If he’s doing many hours manual labour with a long commute or a massively stressful job and out of the house 60 hours you might need to pick up more at the weekends too.

You should obviously divide your time off at the weekend, taking turns for a lie in - that's what any decent partner would agree to.

The issue is you both should have equal “me” time to do with as you wish on the weekends. Early years DH and I had 2hrs each on Saturday and sunday. The time can be spent however you want. If he wants to waste it in bed, good on him. I used my 2hrs each day to go for bike rides. My DH used his to paint in his studio. Point is, fair is necessarily you lie in then I lie in. It’s time you give each other while one of you has baby solo on the weekends.

You’re allowing him to go to work by taking on full time childcare, sacrificing your pension and career progression.

There, fixed it.

I agree, have to adjust for each others sleep needs. Say if you only need 7hrs a night but your partner needs 10hrs a night just to function- these basic needs should not be part of the equal time discussion.

Stop doing things for him. Tell him you're going back to work at weekends so he will have no lie ins and need to look after his child all weekend.

Your child is only one, he works 9 to 5 not 12 hour shifts. You need to go back to work as soon as possible so you aren't left vulnerable to this man's directive. He won't get better.

I know. It's very strange.