To expect husband to feed baby on the weekends?

[Gemmy96]

I am a SAHM who looks after dc (1yo) from Monday to Friday solo. This includes all meals, with the exception of a few dinners a week, all cooking, all baby groups, all medical appointments, etc. All the usual SAHM things. My husband goes out to work Monday to Friday. We have just had our usual Saturday morning row because he wants to lie in (as if I ever get to!) and is whining about me asking him to feed the baby. The issue is, apparently, that he never gets a full day off. AIBU?

The fair way would be that he can lie on on the Saturday and you can lie in on the Sunday, there should be no arguing on this at all adults in a relationship with children should treat each other fairly and share the care of their children where possible. My DH works alot and when our kids were babies he would always make sure I got at least 1 lie in on his days off till whenever I woke up and he'd do most of the childcare those days so I could have a rest. Being a sahm does not mean you do absolutely everything .

Should I be "prepping" toys now?

I do think he should get to lie in on Saturdays.

He is working FT and enabling you to stay home with your child.

Sundays should be alternated with the lie ins.

Does your baby not sleep through the night yet?
Can you not go to bed earlier if you’re tired?

Well this is obviously unreasonable.

You both have full time jobs. He goes out to work, you stay in to work by looking after your child. Child care is full time, if you hired a nanny to take your place - you’d pay them a full time wage.

Alternate lie ins on the weekend, you both deserve it. One on Saturday one on Sunday like others have said,

There’s background to this folks.

My DH was away 5.5 days a week until DD was almost 2 and he did more than your DH, OP.

You're both equal human beings. You deserve one each.

Quick Q

Thanks to the SAHM who said she divorced over the same because 'she had a non sleeping baby'.

I have already read in parenting magazines etc etc and possibly on MN that SAHP 'sleep' in the day 'whenever their baby sleeps'. Hopefully most babies manage a full hour sleep.

Would the next argument then be 'when baby sleeps, the SAHP' is doing laundry, cooking for family etc.

I can certainly see no room for the parent who goes out to the office not to also do some chores around the house esp at the weekend.

How people's mental health is not affected by this 24/7 pressure is beyond me. Some help should be considered and paid for. Many parents with small babies get some help from family (if possible), nannies, adult kids etc etc. It is unrealistic to expect one person to take on that responsibility. Also, the long UK work hours mean many many people do need a lie in 'every Saturday morning' until 10am or 12noon just to recover from the week and to feel normal again.

Why shouldn't OP get to lie in every Sunday?

Mumsnet really needs to add 🙄 to the reaction options.

@Gemmy96 - is your husband a ginger haired pirate by any chance - can't see that anyone else would post such a ridiculous comment.....

This is getting closer to it.

'Alternating' request is vague. He can get Saturday mornings and early afternoon to lie in which would be exact and clear to him. You take Sunday mornings.

The idea anyone can take a full day lie in when they have a baby is for the birds. Kids are hard work.

However, he may also need a few hours (2 hours) downtime on Sunday afternoon - either with family if that's what relaxes him or reading or whatever- so he is ready for the week again.

No, it's me, the ginger haired pirate 😆
And this is my opinion on SAHMs, without being rude to anybody.
This is how it used to work the best, for the family (which when started, should absolutely be put first, as many say).

So you explain how you work as well. From xx when the baby gets up to you when they go to bed. Housework cooking shopping etc. you get no down time. Do he gets one day you get the other.

if he don’t then I would wait till he gets up. Say see you I am off out the baby’s all yours, will be back this evening some time. And here’s the list of jobs that also need doing and go

DH and I used to do one lie in each.
Your DH is being unreasonable saying he never gets a "day off" because your job is 24/7!
Parents of young children just can't really expect many "days off"

laughs in SAHM of twin toddlers

The idea that it should be anything other than 50/50 outside of his paid working hours. Hilarious.

We both work hard. My job is unpaid and domestic and relentless. And harms my future earning potential. And my pension contributions. We both need any rest possible.

Me too- I absolutely took both night wakes, dh did not help enough at night. When dc1 finally started sleeping through dh suggested we share the lie ins and I said sure, after 9 months of me surviving on almost no sleep, I’ll have 9 months of having some sleep and the lie ins and then we can talk about fair.

*all night wakes!

No its not how it worked best for the family its how it worked best for the MEN - getting the little woman at home to "Jump" and do whatever is needed whilst big billy bollocks gets to loaf around cos he brings in the dosh. Even though he was presumably happy enough to stick his end in to procreate he then wants a break two mornings in a row from parenting a child he apparently wanted too. Such a shame that we have this sort of nonsense spouted on a parenting website on International WOmen's Day of all days.........

Because it’s fairer to alternate it.

If she’s tired then she has the rest of the week to recuperate.

Unfortunately when you are working you don’t get that luxury and so often the lie in is the only chance you get to catch up on your sleep.

I know me having an extra hour or 2 in bed on the weekends is absolute heaven and needed.
Whereas when I have a week or 2 off of work, I don’t need it as much.

It doesn't sound fair at all to me. Looking after a baby all week by yourself is hardly a chance to recuperate.

Each parent having a lie in each weekend morning is fair. Both deserve a chance to recuperate knowing that the other parent is looking after the baby.

They have a 1yo, not a 1 week old.

Most 1yos sleep a decent chunk of the night and so there’s no need to have a lie in once a week because they’re not losing out on their sleep.

Once EOW is more than fair.
Then when OP goes back to work they can have equal lie ins.

Working is more physically and emotionally draining because you need to be ‘on’ all day.

Being a SAHP is much less so, because you don’t need to have your work face on all day.
If you’re not feeling great, you can do the bare minimum and recuperate. You can’t do that at work.

If I'm understanding rightly that feeding a baby would mean it wasn't a 'full day off', that means he counts childcare as work, and therefore you are also working every day, so you don't get a full day off either. If he doesn't think childcare is work, then him feeding the baby shouldn't be a problem as it's still a day off. So ask him which it is. He can't have it both ways!

The rest of the week to recuperate? Have you looked after a 1 year old recently?!