To expect husband to feed baby on the weekends?

[Gemmy96]

I am a SAHM who looks after dc (1yo) from Monday to Friday solo. This includes all meals, with the exception of a few dinners a week, all cooking, all baby groups, all medical appointments, etc. All the usual SAHM things. My husband goes out to work Monday to Friday. We have just had our usual Saturday morning row because he wants to lie in (as if I ever get to!) and is whining about me asking him to feed the baby. The issue is, apparently, that he never gets a full day off. AIBU?

Does he ever do any parenting or anything domestic?
Or is it all down to you?

What happens re childcare on weekends, and weekday evenings? Is he involved at all?
What plans did you duscuss before you had the baby?

I would be absolutely fine. I'm more interested to know what he would do if I decided to jump ship and leave. What a moronic comment.

I had a DH like this.Apparently, being a SAHM meant doing everything, all the time, weekends and holidays included. Because he 'needed' weekends and holidays to recharge for his Very Important Job. I, apparently, could work 24/7 365 (I had non-sleeping babies) without any need for a recharge.

He's an XH.

Who does any night wakings? I'm a sahm in your position and I get a lie in ok both days because I do bedtime and night wakes. If I didn't get these lie ins I think I'd file for divorce

Your job currently is a stay at home parent so therefore your work hours in your job should be the same hours that your husband works in his job. Once he clocks off from his job, you clock off from your job and then you are just two parents looking after your children as a team.

That means him doing an equal share of evening meals, bath times, bed times, helping to tidy up the house and early morning starts.

If you know what you bring to the table why are you putting up with a lazy DH? Of course he works hard during the week, but does he do anything in the evenings? Or the weekends? He can’t even feed his child on the days he has off

Did he really have a child and still expect to have a day off from doing anything on the weekends…

Imagine being a mum and expecting a full day off once a week 😂

OP, from your posts in the last 4 months you both have a lot going on. This is about more than lie ins.

Jesus Christ. I just can’t with these types of men anymore. I hope this thread empowers you, OP, but if your husband was a decent man and dad, he would automatically know this isn’t ok. I hope he’s one of the rare ones you can take on some serious self reflection and change.

Start by categorically not accepting it at all. Set out your stance that your job is full time childcare and there is no argument to be had on that position at all. The only discussion is how to equally divvy up the workload during non office hours.

And if the OP decided that she wanted to work full time do you think he would take on 50% of the house and child stuff? Doesn't sound like it considering he won't even feed his baby on a Saturday morning.

It’s not always done to ‘allow’ a father to carry on working its sometimes done because it’s what the mum wants

Imagine being a dad and not being prepared to feed your own baby on a day you're not working.

I completely agree with this. Unfortunately from some of the comments here it seems that just because he has a full time job it means that he is exempt from any kind of childcare rearing.

What I meant is… dad thinks he can have a day off a week, imagine if a mum said that.

@Rainbowclouds101 sorry! Completely misunderstood!! You're 100% right.

And she is keeping a whole baby cared for. What the fuck is your point?
SAHMs are not lesser beings and working parents still have to parent.

That's a nasty dig about the 'supposedly wanted baby'. SAHMs to young children still deserve some time off and a lie in at the weekend. OP wants them each have a lie in at the weekend but her (supposedly) DH wants to lie in on both days while OP gets up with the baby.

If he decides to walk away because he doesn't get a lie in on both weekend days, he is an absolute dick and a terrible father. He should enjoy some alone time with his baby at the weekend but he obviously doesn't want to do this.

Yep ditto. I make sure DH gets nine unbroken hours every night. He then facilities a lie in for me on Sat and Sun, when I've had a broken night's sleep like I do every night.

Yep! I’m actually not a SAHM, I work part time. I don’t get home on my days I work expecting to do nothing. Imagine if me and DH both came back home from working and neither of us did anything for baby?

SAHP’s constantly get called lazy, I find looking after my toddler on my days off work just as tiring as a full days work in the office.

When we’re both home, childcare is 50-50. I have a lie on Saturday, DH Sunday.

OP, you have had a child with a selfish prick.
Huge mistake.
Do not have another child with him.
Return to work and look at the reality of remaining with him if this is who he is.
Life is too short.

Stop cooking and ironing for him.
Stay close to family and friends.
Selfish men very rarely change.

We nearly divorced over the same
issue -
wish i had!

You both seem to have a lot going on.

I feel like the most judgmental people towards SAHM’s are their own partners. “I work all day so I have it harder, I work during the week so I want the weekends off, I pay the bills and you get to stay at home”

isnt it funny that the people who are meant to be the biggest support, the same people that make SAHM’s feel like they’re nothing.

My friend is going through this at the moment, her DH being nasty towards her because it’s busy at his job right now, he keeps saying she’s got the easy life being at home with 2 kids and doing everything at home.

Obviously not all DH’s are like this.

We’ve always done I get a lie in Saturday, my husband on Sunday. It’s very simple, 2 people, 2 days, 2 lie ins