To not tell partner about daughter's a&e attendance

[FedUp120028]

As the title says really.

D is an adult, he expects me to tell him if she attends but as per patient confidentiality, given she's an adult I should not. Only when NOK contact is necessary which is her mother should I contact a parent, otherwise it would breach confidentiality unless she explicitly tells me to.

Is Crystal Clear, she says it's his adult daughter and that her mother is her NOK.

If you ever find yourself in a relationship and you're gathering evidence to prove you are right, you are in a bad relationship.

He's demanding you choose between him or your job. He does not value you ability to earn a living. Watch out for him attacking you independence in other areas - family, friends, pets, hobbies and interests. If he's controlling, he will resent anything that takes your attention away from him.

If you work there then surely the position is:

1. She told you herself that she attended A&E. You then have to decide whether, as a parent, to share that with dad; OR

1. She didn't tell you and you only know because you work there (how would you know, unless you'd been on shift?). In this scenario you'd be breaching patient confidentiality and could lose your job so no.

OP isn't the parent though.

There’s no such thing as next of kin. It’s specified emergency contact or nearest relative.

It is hugely unsettling that someone who works in A&E is asking this on mumsnet!!

@richardosmanstrousers I'm not sure that changes anything. If the patient told her step-mother/dad's gf in her capacity as such that she attended A&E, then the OP would be within her rights to share that info with the father, especially if she thought there was a risk of harm to the daughter. Anything that involves breaching patient confidentiality is obviously not ok.

I retract above comment in that case and will just say serious red flags from your spouse.

That's going to backfire on you badly. He's already showing strong signs of being controlling, he's already using coercive behaviour in threatening (promising, in my opinion) that he'd end your relationship if he found out that you didn't risk your job to facilitate his entitlement - he's not going to appreciate you trying to prove that he's wrong.

If you dump him for being a controlling, abusive piece of shit, you wouldn't have to deal with his bollocks ever again.

Then it’s a breach of GDPR if you tell him without her consent, and you can face dismissal or even criminal charges.

You can’t tell him.

And Mumsnet is where you came for that?

Better to point him to the written procedures for your job.

Rather than canvassing MN, you could show them the clause in your employment contract covering patient confidentiality. That should be pretty clear.

No it's a breach of confidentiality and you shouldn't be telling anyone!

Can’t you just strongly suggest you both check in on her or similar. You’re not allowed to tell him for issues of confidentiality but you can feel concerned about her and make him aware she might need a bit of support without saying why. Obviously it depends on the issue though.

*His response - what's more important, my daughter or your job
*
Respecting her rights to privacy as an adult is what's important for his daughter. She probably has a very good reason for wanting to keep him at arm's length.

Putting her first is entirely consistent with the confidentiality requirements of your job. Which is why those rules exist.

Of course not then, 101 patient confidentiality!

That's not the scenario OP is asking about though. It's if OP finds out becsue of her job.

You shouldn’t tell anyone without her consent - this includes her mother/NOK. NOK are only contacted without the patient’s consent in very specific circumstances.

Is she a vulnerable adult? If so won't she give permission to keep him informed if he is worried about her? The answer is no you can't tell him anything, but it sounds like there is more to the story.

But his daughter is the most important one here - her right to privacy and decide who knows about her medical issues that is the whole point of patient confidentiality

if it did happen the OP coild ask if she wanted her to call her partner but that again is the daughter

Doesnt sound as if he cares whether you're right or not. He expects you to tell him even if it gets you sacked.

So your relationship will last until his daughter end up in A&E whether you tell him or not.

His response is, quite simply, the wrong question.

His daughter is important. And she has an ABSOLUTE RIGHT for her patient confidentiality to be maintained; which will, incidentally, protect your job.

What he ACTUALLY asked you was - 'what's more important TO ME, me knowing my daughter's private business or your job'.

And it's pretty clear from his response that he doesn't think your job is nearly as important as him knowing what he has NO RIGHT to know.

I'd be looking at him with a whole new set of eyes @FedUp120028 - and I have to say, he is not looking good at all. Not at all.

And you can show him this!

Jeez, I've even taken my adult niece to A&E (she has been in 5 times in the last 12 months due to chronic illness) and not told her dad, my brother (he is separated from her mum), unless she asked/gave consent. She has enough to deal with when in A&E without stress from anyone she doesn't want informed yet.

He doesn't like that communication between them his poor, but that is his issue not mine and when he has pulled me up for not letting him know I have told him the same (without needing MN to back me up!)

He is completely wrapped up in what he wants and will put himself before anyone else. Sounds like he would happily break his daughter's right to confidentiality and wouldn't mind if you lost your job in the process. Is this sort of thing a one off OP?

We do. The trash takes itself out.