He didn’t go to Tesco?

[purpleparroty]

I’ve been ill with the flu for the past few days and am in the worst of it, asked DH if he could pop to the shops and get some dinner in, and food for dc over the weekend, as we have nothing in and I thought he would stop at Tesco on his way home from work.

He decided to go to our village newsagents which sells no fresh food and spent 50 FUCKING QUID on crap. He got unbranded frozen ready meals which no one in our house would touch with a barge pole. The rest went on crisps / chocolate / ice cream / pot noodles. He didn’t even get bread (which they actually sell). Because i’ve not been happy about this he’s now gone in a mood and said he’s not bothering again. AIBU to be psised off he didn’t go to tesco and get real food the kids actually eat and not just chocolate and crisps. And now he’s moaning saying he didn’t know he wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go to the village shop and that i should have told him. I shouldn’t fucking have to tell people to use their brain.

You’re not ageist by any chance? 🙄

It dawned on me ages ago, that if you want something done to a specific standard, you either: do it yourself OR give specific instructions. Not 'stop at the shop and buy some dinner'. It can mean different things to different people

If I'd say it to my partner, he'd shop according to himself and I'd get ONLY uber healthy stuff, lots of veg, fish, legumes, eggs. No pasta, no bread, no meat and definitely nothing sugary. He's a great cook, but eats very healthy, no UPFs. So do I most of the time, but I like some crap when I'm ill, biscuits, etc, so I'd have to spell it out for him, it would never occur to him to grab some digestives or whatnot, he never eats them.

If I'd ask my dad, it would be meat heavy, some veg, potatoes. No treats, no sweet stuff, no drinks (squash, juice, etc), no fruits as he never eats those.

My mother is a mother Theresa type, a feeder and loves to nurse sick people. And also a big spender. If I'd ask food for two days, she'd bring shopping for pretty much a month to feed an army. Everything, including obscure items I've never even heard of, 'just because someone might want that'.

My grandma is an absolute Scrooge, she'd bring cheapest possible value stuff, possibly out of date and very little of it, suitable for a small child. Whatever items, could be a random selection of stuff just because they were yellow-stickered.

All these 4 people know DD and me and know what we eat.

So yea, I'd either do online shop, or I'd give very clear, detailed instructions, if I wanted something specific from somewhere specific.

This is an equal member of the household, not someone who doesn’t live with them day to day. Why does a parent in the house need guidance in basic household management? Does he not live there? Have a grasp of the meals eaten every day? You’ve given a perfect example of the issue - men will choose what will please them, women will likely think about everyone to an excess. And it’s not wiring, it’s reflective of their attitudes in general.

It does in this house

If the online shop was sufficient for a week - apart from bread and milk - then those 2 items could have easily been bought at the corner shop, no drama

Has he never lived alone before he married OP? If my DH ever pretended to be incompetent enough that he couldn’t do a basic supermarket run I would have to remind him he survived as an adult for quite a few years before I arrived and took over the big shop

Does he not have eyes to look in the fridge or hands to open the cupboard doors?

Staples are not expensive, we always have dry supplies of lentils, rice and pasta, and tinned goods

For me, an online shop is around 4 days worth of food, I get the other 3 days on a Saturday. Room in cupboards, budget, specific items wanted, time, change of plans etc - a whole week shop is not something that works for every family. An online shop having not fulfilled the week is not the issue here at all. There are two adults in this house and both should be capable of doing a top up shop. Not one responsible for making sure the cupboards are full plus emergencies week in/out. The issue is that when needing to get a few days of food in, the OP’s husband should have managed that easily by himself. Instead he did what was easier for him rather than what benefitted everyone.

Nothing annoys me more than when grown adults act incompetent.

He knows that a couple of ready meals and sweets are not going to cut it.

Its strategic incompetence so you don’t ask him to do it again.

Perhaps if he went to tesco and got proper food, he thought you might have the nerve to ask him to cook.

Nope.

No it doesn't. I had the flu the other week. It was awful but some people are saying OP couldn't post with the flu, not true at all and I was on mumsnet and messaged friends and yes it was influenza A confirmed with a test.

It is depressing but not surprising. The amount of posts about lousy men, coupled with so many that would argue if someone posted the sky was blue, just for the sake of arguing, it doesn't surprise me at all. I would feel sorry for all these people with rock bottom standards when it comes to men, but if that's what they want to tolerate, more fool them.

Sometimes the sky is white or grey or NAVY blue

Don't invalidate others' experiences.

😂

Staples are not expensive, we always have dry supplies of lentils, rice and pasta, and tinned goods

OP has flu, and I doubt very much whether Mr Manchild would be capable of cooking a decent meal from staples.

Manchild would probably go to Staples and buy stationary rather than do a decent food shop. ‘How was I mean to know the kids can’t live off a pack of crayola, at least I tried 🥺’.

🤦‍♀️

Well aren’t you the lucky one that you can afford to buy staples and save them for an emergency. Perhaps, if you’d care to glance outside of your little bubble, you’d see that food banks exist for a reason. Perhaps you should stand outside one of them and ask people desperate enough to queue up for a bag of food why they don’t just eat their staples? See what response you get.

She had the money for a top up shop to tide them over until the weekend. He wasted it on crap. She has no more money. If she could afford a cupboard full of staples, then presumably she’d have one. Having children to feed and no food to give them is not something she’s chosen to do for a giggle.

It's the waste of money and also failure to complete the basic task that is so infuriating. Obviously you don't do a medium sized shop at the corner shop and come home with gross ready meals and crisps! How can you excuse that?!

Can't believe some of the comments on here, your husband should have gone to Tesco. Why should HIS kids have to live of pot noodles and microwave meals because there mum has flu, twat behaviour from your husband.

No, just boomerist.

Same thing.

Does make me wonder if o/p has fallen into the sahm trap, or even if she works the gender roles trap where she does all the shopping and domestic duties while he is big man earn money provider.

if he isn’t shopping regularly and stocking cupboards etc then he may genuinely not know if there’s stuff the kids can eat. Possibly even thought feeling ill = comfort food/snacks.

not excusing, but it does happen and the non domestic partner doesn’t see the level of “behind the scenes” work that keeps a house running. So they’re used to always being food in the fridge and cupboards, magically never running out.

not much help now but if o/p does work this should be the wake up call that he needs to start taking on some of the domestic load. Unfortunately if she is a sahm the usual agreement is she does take on that load. So giving him more specific instructions would be part of her “job”.

why I would never give up work. IMO it’s an excuse for the working partner to completely absolve themselves of any responsibility or knowledge of home work.

Bread, milk, salad, fish and a lot of veg often don't last that long.

Why have you directed that at me?