He didn’t go to Tesco?

[purpleparroty]

I’ve been ill with the flu for the past few days and am in the worst of it, asked DH if he could pop to the shops and get some dinner in, and food for dc over the weekend, as we have nothing in and I thought he would stop at Tesco on his way home from work.

He decided to go to our village newsagents which sells no fresh food and spent 50 FUCKING QUID on crap. He got unbranded frozen ready meals which no one in our house would touch with a barge pole. The rest went on crisps / chocolate / ice cream / pot noodles. He didn’t even get bread (which they actually sell). Because i’ve not been happy about this he’s now gone in a mood and said he’s not bothering again. AIBU to be psised off he didn’t go to tesco and get real food the kids actually eat and not just chocolate and crisps. And now he’s moaning saying he didn’t know he wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go to the village shop and that i should have told him. I shouldn’t fucking have to tell people to use their brain.

If there were other meal options available and he just chose to give them crisps for tea, that makes it worse not better!

Yes, you’re very right there actually.

Nope. He should grow up and do it. What a waste of space, this guy! Sorry but we must expect better from our partners!

@Nanny0gg

It's either that or they've just decided to be contradictory for the sake of it (which seems to be happening more and more)

This happens all the bloody time on MN

He lives in the same house. He's a human being who eats food daily. He sees and hopefully feeds his own kids. He should know what needs buying. Fuck me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: for some reason, the wrong post was quoted. That was for @mamajong saying:

"He got ready meals! Not ideal but no one will die from that. If you know your kids are fussy then be specific about what is needed. Personally I couldn't remember what's in the fridge/freezer off the top of my head after a day at work, if DH was messaging me to get something id expect him to say if ee had no bread and milk, Why not take a minute to say what you need. Hardly a hardship to list a handful of essentials is it."

I can see why he went to the local shop as he probably doesn't realise there's no fresh stuff if he doesn't normally do any shopping and this was only a top up. Ridiculous to spend £50 on cakes and biscuits and poor quality frozen ready meals if you are on a budget though.

Sulking about the fact that you are upset at the waste of money and lack of decent food for your children's tea is pretty ridiculous. It is quite shocking that a grown adult is so clueless. Rather than not doing the shopping again it sounds like he needs to do more shopping and learn how to budget and give his children healthy food. It's not just your job.

Yes, it is depressing

said he’s not bothering again

With his kids?
HIS CHILDREN??

He's not doing you a favour here, that you are supposed to be grateful for. They are his children that he is supposed to be responsible for.

It's bad enough you even had to tell him to go

Surely both are to blame for insufficient food supplies in the house. The op did an insufficient online shop to begin with and dh - an insufficient irl shop - no biggie, we all make mistakes

OP didn't fuck up, she has the flu. She's just found out how her partner will react if she ever falls seriously ill. He'll get sulky and resentful, and be unable to cope.

What do you mean by "insufficient shop"? There is no law that all shopping must be done once a week with no top ups.

OP says that she does the main weekly shop once a week and a top up for fresh food. Many people do that because fresh food, milk and bread doesn't usually last a whole week.

If a woman, when told her meals are shite, said "I'm not going to bother then" she would most definitely be berated.

No woman would ever get away with just deciding to sulk and not feed her kids because someone hurt her feefees.

What on earth is an insufficient online shop? I do two ‘big’ shops a week, but it’s life that milk runs out or bread needs picking up. And the shop her husband did wasn’t insufficient, it was useless and a waste of money. There’s a difference.

All the people here suggesting ways you could have avoided asking him are wildly missing the point. He sounds like a real loser of a husband - I'm guessing he's never cooked a meal for you or the kids from scratch.

No she didn't as she is mindful of expiry dates and when fresh food is needed

My DH is actually elderly and he could manage a proper shop for the weekend, I thought today's couples were supposed to be equal parents?

I’d be fuming too. What a waste of money.

He sounds like a teenage child rather than an adult partner who should be on the same page as you about what the family eats and attitudes to value for money. How can he not know what his children will and won't eat and what the 'house rules' are for treats? How can he not know bread is needed? How has he no idea whether £50 at the corner shop aligns with your household budget? He sounds like he takes a very junior role in the managing of the household. He doesn't know what should be done, then gets told off by you, and whines he 'didn't know'. This is a symptom of an unequal dynamic which you probably could do with changing.

I'm going to be out of the country for three nights next week. It hasn't even crossed my mind to worry about what my children will eat. There is another parent in the house. It's not my problem.
We've made sure things like school runs are sorted because that means changing works hour, but we discussed it, I didn't tell him what to do.
Something as basic as feeding them is something I am not going to give another thought to after I've typed this comment.
OP, your DH needs to step up. It's not good enough and it is most definitely not "endearing".

Surely both are to blame for insufficient food supplies in the house. The op did an insufficient online shop to begin with and dh - an insufficient irl shop - no biggie, we all make mistakes Do you understand how money works? She saved £50 to get a top up shop, including fresh stuff, to tide them over until the shopping arrives on Sunday. That’s what people do when they budget. They eke out their available cash so their children can have fresh bread and fresh milk at both ends of the week. And he has taken that £50 and flushed it down the toilet. What mistakes do you think the OP made in this scenario? And please don’t say that she should have done a bigger shop, because that just makes it clear that you really don’t understand how money works.

Surely you have staples like pasta, frozen veg etc to get through a couple days If she had staples like pasta and frozen veg, then she obviously wouldn’t have needed to give her incompetent husband their last £50 and trust him to buy food with it. Having staples is a luxury not everyone has. Can you really not see that?

No, I’ve never just fed them that, but if it happened for a day? Kids would love it and no lasting harm. As a one off, yes I think it’s fine. I’d roll my eyes at DH and tell him to use his brain next time! It’s not just a one off though, is it? Did you read the bit where she said that the kids wouldn’t eat the ready meals he’d bought? That they have no money to buy anything else? And that the shop isn’t being delivered until Sunday? So that’s crisps for tea last night, crisps for breakfast this morning, crisps for lunch, crisps for tea tonight and quite possibly crisps for breakfast and lunch tomorrow. Would you eat crisps for six meals in a row? Would you eat the over priced shit that passes for a ready meal in some of these local shops? I wouldn’t give it to a dog, let alone a child. And she did tell him to use his brain next time. Did you miss the bit where he responded by having a tantrum?

He did not. He deliberately did a bad job so that she would not ask him again. Classic weaponized incompetence. I think OP should use the phrase weaponized incompetence when she talks with him about it.

He did what a lazy dick would do.

Op you need to hand over shopping and cooking to him full time so he can learn "on the job"

@purpleparroty did he get a few extra things this morning? Hope you're feeling a bit better

you're not a 'boomer' by any chance? 🙄

This would really annoy me, you aren’t overreacting in my opinion.

£50 to us is a lot of money, half our weeks food budget. If my partner spent that on shit I would be very annoyed, he could’ve got a weekends worth of good food for your dc that would make meals.

Shit like this really does wear you down over time, something so simple is made so difficult by their incompetence, it’s simply pathetic.