To think there should be minimum standards

[Obviouslynamechangedforthisagain]

For parents to keep their home?
Reading threads on here people admit to children being bathed once per week, wearing pjs for weeks on end, changing beds monthly etc.
Obviously not everyone lives in squalor but if there were minimum standards (ie 3 baths pw, bedding changed weekly) it could help an awful lot of neglected children that don't reach SS level of need.
Admittedly it would be almost impossible to police but if it could be done AIBU to think this could be a good idea?

Same. This was 60s/early 70s. Soon as the Hit Parade finished at 7pm, bath, hair wash and clean nightie. No central heating, washing machine (until 1976) and we were relatively well-off. Sheets taken to the launderette and we helped our mum fold them. Parents who worked. I like my house to be clean (though not ridiculously so) and tidy. I do feel sorry for kids who don’t always look as smart as others but I really don’t see how you could police people’s’ cleanliness standards. A team knocking on doors checking the bedding?

I think this is hands down the most batshit post I've ever read on here.

I'd better go pack my kids suitcases so they can go into care after school today...

This thread reminds of another interfering busybody, also played by Patricia Routledge: Alan Bennett's Talking Heads, "A Lady of Letters", when spying on a young couple living opposite her.

"Doesn't look very promising, the kiddie looks filthy."
"She can't be more than twenty, and by the look of her, she's expecting another."
"They must have put the kiddie to bed. When I put the milk bottle out, I heard it crying."
"I keep thinking about the kiddie opposite. I haven't seen it for a week or two. And they're out all the time! Every single night they'd go out, and the kiddie doesn't go, and nobody comes in to sit. It can't be more than five. It never plays out, and they want fresh air, do kiddies, it's a well-known fact. Where do they get the money to go out? He doesn't work, he spends all day tinkering with that car. There ought to be a bit less of the car, and a bit more of the kiddie."
(To the police) "I can't keep the peace when there's cruelty and neglect going on under my nose! I can't keep the peace when there's a child suffering!"
(Later) "The kiddie was in hospital, and that's where they were going every night, and that's where the kiddie died on Friday." "What of, neglect?" "No, leukemia."

I'm actually very pleased that 94% of the votes believe the OP is unreasonable.
Relieved to hear I'm not a clatty bastard who deserves to have social services knocking at my door. 🤣

Honestly ridiculous. Pp have explained it all but having weekly baths is absolutely fine. Also leaving bedding on for longer is fine. Parents can bath their children every night and change sheets weekly and still be neglectful and abusive. There are lots and lots of other much more important things that would trump this in terms of parenting standards.
As a sw, I'd be more than happy to see a child who gets bathed weekly and has bedding changed once a month. That's perfectly fine. Most people on mn are living in another world to the majority of people. Most peoples houses would make mn posters faint. It's totally normal and fine to have clutter, washing a bit overflowing, toys everywhere, unmade beds, dishes in the sink, pet hairs etc etc... non of this is neglect or harmful. Some people on here would have a heart attack if they saw a home that SW deem unsuitable, I cannot even describe some of the conditions we see.

One of the most important factors when talking about outcomes for children is parental mental health. Which in turn leads to other concerns such as drug use, DA etc.. no family who has SW involved no matter what the issue, have parents who don't have some form of MH difficulties. Even if this is in the form of generational trauma or following how they were parented as children. If you have a parent who is able to calmly and consistently meet your needs and be stable and present , you can often overcome even the most challenging situations. It's very difficult to parent consistently, even in the best circumstances, when you are unwell mentally. So if we were going to talk about a set of national standards, I'd recommend there be much more and much better support for all parents to strengthen their mental health, no matter who they are.

People seem to have written a narrative that simply isn't true when it comes to things like phone use or how mothers and fathers used to be in past times. The standard of parenting has not changed and if anything it's gotten better. In every generation there have been things that have been less than ideal for raising children. Parents were not more present or better house keepers in the past, they just had different distractions and problems to face.

We are never going to reach a point where everyone meets some sort of perfect standard when raising children.
We do not and should not as a government/society have such authority over people's lives. People have a right to a private family life. Everyone is different and has different needs. One child to the next can require totally different parenting. Who are we to say what is right for everyone and what if we are wrong? Of course there is a bottom line of good enough, which is the threshold for SW involvement, but it's not as set in stone as people think, two houses could be exactly the same and only one family meets threshold for involvement as it's based on lots of factors and the picture as a whole.

If we go by op standards you would have to remove my dc. I know what is good enough and what is above and beyond because I see it everyday. My own dc do not get bathed as often as most and I know lots of mn would be shocked if they came to my house and saw how messy it is. I don't always get it right despite assessing and teaching parenting for a living, but I do know that I'm a bloody fantastic parent, even if I did only change my dc beds two or three weeks ago.

If a 'minimum standard' of 3 baths a week was introduced then I'd chuckle and ignore it.

What would happen then?

I dont change my own bedding once a week.... I shower before I get in it and sleep with the windows open most of the year round so I dont get particularly sweaty

If you think that constitutes squalor you are very sheltered.

There are children living in appalling conditions but you are talking animal faceas and no bedding at all.

If you've never had contact with this be grateful you live in a bubble. Imposing the unrealistic for these kids won't help in any way.

The skin microbiome gets less press than the gut microbiome but is still incredibly important for good health and not yet fully understood. If this idea wasn’t just total tosh (which it is) evidence suggests that daily washing could be worse for children than less regular washing, and over clean homes are also worse for people’s health in general. So presumably you’d have to be in favour of ‘maximum’ standards too.

What has the link you posted got to do with what I said?

You can’t ‘build up immunity’ to a cold, there is no long lasting immunity to cold viruses or many other common infections because of the rate at which they mutate. The antibodies produced in response to the antigens of Cold A will be ineffective against the antigens of Cold B. This is why vaccines and boosters for things like flu and Covid are offered yearly, so that the antibodies they elicit will (hopefully) be effective against the circulating strain.

Being exposed to non-pathogenic but common microbes from an early age is thought to help train our immune systems to distinguish between threats and non-threats. The theory is that if we aren’t exposed to them while the immune system is still developing, there’s a risk the body will go on to interpret them as harmful and produce an immune response each time we are exposed, which is where allergy symptoms come in.

Why not go the whole uber-MN hog, OP, and decree that people who don’t wipe all their skirting boards with disinfectant once a week should have their children taken away? Obviously if they’re disgusting enough to possess loo brushes, too, they should be jailed.

Great understanding of neglect OP 🙄

I agree with the majority of posters here - my kids are warm, well fed, read to, amply supplied with books and experiences, have shoes that fit, chatted to, supported and loved, but sometimes they only bath a couple of times a week and I definitely don't change sheets weekly. Guess what, shock horror, I even air my running clothes out and wear them twice or 3 times. I'd rather be a bit grubby and have happy, well loved kids and not waste natural resources.

A Sunday night bath during term time was the norm for many of we boomers growing up and we survived, a 'good wash' usually sufficed. There seems to be a new Olympic standard in bathing, changing sheets, washing a towel if someone gave it a dirty look etc. and yet people still moan about 'workload','wifey work' 'cost of energy' and the same gold medallists complain about the cost of living. Like many problems on this site there is a large element of self-infliction.

All I can think is could you have awordwith out water board! We bath/shower, launder etc etc as infrequently as possible and as quickly as possible and they still tell us every bill that we use more water than our neighbours. Nope no leaks, we’ve checked.

I know of a few social workers who would have their colleagues at the door!

Reading threads on here people admit to children being bathed once per week, wearing pjs for weeks on end, changing beds monthly etc.

I've never read this on MN

God almighty. The batshittery is strong with this one.

Reading the stuff on immune systems that people have posted made me want to add, as a SW of many years I have an iron clad immune system. It's the strongest of anyone I know. My own dc also have really good ones. Ones a teen and had no more than 3 sickness bugs in her whole life. I have been poorly in bed only twice in my adult life and I have had one or two sickness bugs in my adult life. I very rarely get colds. I go into houses every week where people have flu, sickness, colds, Covid, scabies, head lice, bedbugs etc etc you name it. It's obviously done me well. Maybe people need to lower their standards lots lots more. Save the nhs and all that !!

These are my standards. And so far I have kept to them. Honestly do not have time to bath my child more than twice a week. We are working parents and we all don't get home until 7pm. Toddler is in a sleep sack so bed only changed once per month. By your standards DD should be removed even though she is the brightest, happiest, healthiest child in her nursery class . . .

"Being exposed to non-pathogenic but common microbes from an early age is thought to help train our immune systems to distinguish between threats and non-threats. The theory is that if we aren’t exposed to them while the immune system is still developing, there’s a risk the body will go on to interpret them as harmful and produce an immune response each time we are exposed, which is where allergy symptoms come in."

But it doesn't always work like that. Parasites, dust, and mould can be harmful especially for young babies.

I think the OP means “keep their home” as in “house keeping” or “keeping their home clean and tidy”. Not keeping it in the sense that it could be taken away/repossessed.

I assume there are standards but I do agree that these should be made more public because when you grow up in a neglectful or dysfunctional household then it’s very difficult to understand how to parent properly.

We get lots of advice on pregnancy and caring for babies but not enough on parenting beyond.

A standard guide would be really useful to parents who are trying but don’t know where they’re going wrong.

But these guidelines should be realistic and science based and not based on irrational MNers.

Having a bath once a week is fine for most kids - too many baths is actually damaging to kids and not everyone can afford the water bill.
Changing bedding is fine once a month - not everyone has access to a washing machine or skate bedding.

You are judging the parents who provide PJs, bed sheets and baths.
These are the parents who are trying hard to give their kids what they need.

You have absolutely no idea about child abuse/neglect because the things you see as neglect like having bed sheets to change, are luxuries for most kids.

Just because someone’s house is tidy and kids are dressed prim and proper doesn’t necessarily mean that abuse isn’t happening. Some of the happiest homes are untidy .

When I was a child in the late 50s and 60s, the vast majority of children only had baths once a week - Sunday night was bath night in our house. No-one had showers in those days, but if you were posh you had a mixer tap on the bath so you didn't need to use a jug to rinse your hair. Despite this, people didn't smell.