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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with school bus leaving

227 replies

Pineapplepink · 05/03/2025 13:16

DD12 attends a private school that has a bus service. Due to various reasons, I asked school if she can get the bus for the rest of this week. All confirmed and ok. DD went to the meeting place, bus arrived and said there’s no space for her, then drove off. Amazingly a child who always gets the bus got off with DD and took her to their house and asked the mum to give them both a lift. I am so cross that school haven’t contacted me and I would be none the wiser had this other parent not let me know. Have left a message with school but I’m so cross and wonder if I’m unreasonable to be so cross. I’ve got a very stressful week so unsure if I’m over reacting and anyway not sure what they can do to rectify it now.

OP posts:
Needspaceforlego · 05/03/2025 16:47

RachelLikesTea · 05/03/2025 16:37

I would ignore their no phones rule from now on and tell her to keep her phone in her bag, just in case. Thank goodness for the other, very sensible young lady who got off the bus to be with your dd.

Me too and she'd have a key to the door.

BrickBiscuit · 05/03/2025 16:56

I wonder if the school bus bookings are handled by one of the 50% of PPs who have misread the post, hence the cock-up?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/03/2025 17:00

tipsandtoes · 05/03/2025 15:51

@Soontobe60

It’s so annoying that people don’t read the original post. The girl could have gone to the school office because her FRIEND got off the bus with her, THEY WALKED BACK TO THE FRIENDS HOUSE and the FRIENDS MUM drove them to school. The same MUM then phoned the OP and told her what had happened.

What's annoying is your complete lack of understanding of how young people vs adults think and work.

No 12 year old would go to the school office to make an official complaint. Even if they told the office it's far less likely they'll do much. This is why PARENTS have to PARENT and do the adulting.

Of course the OP should contact the school. That's how things work.

Had it been at the end of the day, they very much do go back into school when there's a problem with buses or a parent hasn't arrived to pick them up as expected.

You're doing the average 12 year old a disservice - and where it's a more vulnerable 12 year old, the others (and older ones) can and do look after them or take them back inside; there was one only yesterday at ours who hadn't realised you have to hold your arm out to request a bus to stop when there isn't a crowd of kids all waiting or a member of staff on bus stop duty, some year 9s brought her back in because she was a bit upset; the Receptionist phoned Mum to say why they were going to be late and a passing 6th former said she'd make sure she got on the right one.

Topseyt123 · 05/03/2025 17:01

BrickBiscuit · 05/03/2025 16:56

I wonder if the school bus bookings are handled by one of the 50% of PPs who have misread the post, hence the cock-up?

Very possibly.

Needspaceforlego · 05/03/2025 17:16

BrickBiscuit · 05/03/2025 16:56

I wonder if the school bus bookings are handled by one of the 50% of PPs who have misread the post, hence the cock-up?

More likely miss communication and remember this is a private school they'll be a payment for the bus.
I bet the DD doesn't have the required ticket for the bus.
Now if it was a service bus they'll probably have taken pity and said OK just this once but private company, maybe not, depends how they get paid.

Seems odd that she was the only kid who wasn't let on the bus.

Zuma76 · 05/03/2025 17:28

MarchingintoSpring · 05/03/2025 13:55

Why doesn’t she have a phone? Not giving your child anyway to contact you is irresponsible.

Show quote history

Lots of schools don’t allow children to have a phone, even in their bag.

Whippetlovely · 05/03/2025 17:38

It's silly of you not to let her have a phone if she's making her own way to school. My child gets a public bus everyday to school she has a phone in case of emergency. (plus it has the bus pass on it) she got stuck the other day as got on wrong bus and called me to rescue her as she didn't know where she was. Explained what to do next time (cross road and get the same number back the other way) but the phone in this instance was very useful!

Contact the school and find out what happened, also have a back up plan, is there a public bus that goes the same way.

Whippetlovely · 05/03/2025 17:41

Zuma76 · 05/03/2025 17:28

Lots of schools don’t allow children to have a phone, even in their bag.

Show quote history

That's ridiculous and not enforceable. They will not search 1200+ kids bags for phones! They just have to keep them off during lessons. A lot of kids go to school out of catchment and have to catch buses ect and will need a phone in case of issues getting to and from school. (I know in our day we just got on with it but times have changed)

Popfull · 05/03/2025 17:54

not sure i would have dropped and driven off leaving my 12 year old DD at the bus stop when she doesn’t usually get the bus and knowing full well she had no means to contact me and no key for our home

diddl · 05/03/2025 18:00

Popfull · 05/03/2025 17:54

not sure i would have dropped and driven off leaving my 12 year old DD at the bus stop when she doesn’t usually get the bus and knowing full well she had no means to contact me and no key for our home

What would you be thinking might happen though?

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 18:04

cardibach · 05/03/2025 15:48

The school has a no phones policy. It’s in the OP.

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I really doubt that. It’s a private school. They might not be allowed to get their phones out in school but not allowed at all, for the journey to and from, seems extremely unlikely.

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:05

diddl · 05/03/2025 18:00

What would you be thinking might happen though?

Show quote history

That there was a potential cock up that meant my 12/year old who doesn’t get the bus and was getting as a one off may not have got on bus for some reason and then be stranded

I mean hanging around for a couple of mins to just see her get on when you know she doesn’t have a mobile or a key and im going to be out all day…. You would have just driven off.?

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:06

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 18:04

I really doubt that. It’s a private school. They might not be allowed to get their phones out in school but not allowed at all, for the journey to and from, seems extremely unlikely.

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Agreed.

it suited the op that the school doesn’t allow phones even outside of school premises but i very much doubt the truth

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 18:08

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:06

Agreed.

it suited the op that the school doesn’t allow phones even outside of school premises but i very much doubt the truth

Show quote history

I doubt that too. If she’s been driving her DD there’s really no need for a phone. And if this is her first year at the school she may not have properly realised what the rule meant because it didn’t matter.

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:10

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 18:08

I doubt that too. If she’s been driving her DD there’s really no need for a phone. And if this is her first year at the school she may not have properly realised what the rule meant because it didn’t matter.

Show quote history

Poor thing will very much be on outside of her friendship circle if she has no phone at all

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 18:14

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:10

Poor thing will very much be on outside of her friendship circle if she has no phone at all

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She has a phone, the OP said so.

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:17

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:05

That there was a potential cock up that meant my 12/year old who doesn’t get the bus and was getting as a one off may not have got on bus for some reason and then be stranded

I mean hanging around for a couple of mins to just see her get on when you know she doesn’t have a mobile or a key and im going to be out all day…. You would have just driven off.?

Show quote history

@diddl would you have just driven off? In these circumstances

QuickPeachPoet · 05/03/2025 18:24

Thank goodness for your daughter’s lovely mature friend and her mum helping her out!
I would be furious too!

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 05/03/2025 18:36

As an aside, OP, do you have a ring doorbell (or similar)? Does DD know it's possible to contact you via that? My DC are too young for phones, but they know that they can contact me or DH in an emergency

pizzaHeart · 05/03/2025 18:40

WaffleParty · 05/03/2025 13:41

Lesson learned - she needs her own key!!!

But also, yes of course the school are at fault.

And how would she get to the house?

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:51

pizzaHeart · 05/03/2025 18:40

And how would she get to the house?

Show quote history

Op has confirmed that walking distance to home

diddl · 05/03/2025 18:54

would you have just driven off? In these circumstances

Well tbh I don't know as I'd probably take the word of the school that the bus was available to her.

Having left her in the correct place in time it's possible I would have left.

Could she have walked back to a neighbour for help if necessary, any shops or such like she could have gone to for help?

ETA
It's not clear if she was dropped off & that Op had the chance to wait anyway.

Popfull · 05/03/2025 18:59

diddl · 05/03/2025 18:54

would you have just driven off? In these circumstances

Well tbh I don't know as I'd probably take the word of the school that the bus was available to her.

Having left her in the correct place in time it's possible I would have left.

Could she have walked back to a neighbour for help if necessary, any shops or such like she could have gone to for help?

ETA
It's not clear if she was dropped off & that Op had the chance to wait anyway.

Edited

So if she wasn’t dropped
she walked there by herself and the op locked up the empty house knowing no way her daughter could contact her and no key to get back in

Karen4President · 05/03/2025 19:27

BrickBiscuit · 05/03/2025 16:56

I wonder if the school bus bookings are handled by one of the 50% of PPs who have misread the post, hence the cock-up?

This!

The level of comprehension is dismal and the OP very clear.

The child was left on the street and could only get home that morning after being abandoned if she walked home but had no phone (school rules) and no keys. Luckily the other child and mother helped.

I would be livid OP. What did school say? And did she get the bus home?

Needspaceforlego · 05/03/2025 19:35

I was reading it as the Op had left for work.
The DD saw herself out to school with the door self locking behind her, then walked to the bus stop.

I was thinking some sort of yale lock but some one else said some upvc doors self lock without a key too.

Which ever way it was done the DD has been put in a vulnerable position, unable to get back in the house, and unable to contact anyone.

I still think there is more to the story, like not having a ticket or evidence the bus is paid for, because she couldn't have been the only kid getting on at the bus stop, but she was the only one without a seat???