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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with school bus leaving

227 replies

Pineapplepink · 05/03/2025 13:16

DD12 attends a private school that has a bus service. Due to various reasons, I asked school if she can get the bus for the rest of this week. All confirmed and ok. DD went to the meeting place, bus arrived and said there’s no space for her, then drove off. Amazingly a child who always gets the bus got off with DD and took her to their house and asked the mum to give them both a lift. I am so cross that school haven’t contacted me and I would be none the wiser had this other parent not let me know. Have left a message with school but I’m so cross and wonder if I’m unreasonable to be so cross. I’ve got a very stressful week so unsure if I’m over reacting and anyway not sure what they can do to rectify it now.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 05/03/2025 13:47

Ah, I see she didn’t have her phone - but you can’t send her in on a bus, any bus, without a phone. The school will have systems in place around no phones in the classroom etc - plenty of children, especially older ones, will be making their way in on their own and so will have a phone on them.

So the school messed up, I think you’ve learned a lesson about her using the bus, but your DD is fine, which is the main thing.

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 13:48

minipie · 05/03/2025 13:47

Waiting at a bus stop and being picked up 5 min later is not vulnerable

Waiting at a bus stop, bus has wrongly gone past, can’t go home as no key, no other way to get to school - that’s vulnerable

Show quote history

Oh I see. It’s all about how long shes stood at the bus stop then.

LovePoppy · 05/03/2025 13:49

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 13:41

She’s 12, not a toddler. She should have gone to the school office and told them what happened and asked them to phone you. It’s pretty poor that her getting the bus wasn’t checked that there would actually be room on the bus. I assume it’s the school who should have done this. Also, give her a door key! Is she never allowed out unaccompanied?

Edited

How could she get to school office? The bus didn’t take her there!

Londonrach1 · 05/03/2025 13:50

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 13:41

She’s 12, not a toddler. She should have gone to the school office and told them what happened and asked them to phone you. It’s pretty poor that her getting the bus wasn’t checked that there would actually be room on the bus. I assume it’s the school who should have done this. Also, give her a door key! Is she never allowed out unaccompanied?

Edited

Sounds like she was on the way to school so gone home rather than the school office.

Op I'm with you here and asking the school to explain why they said they could do it but there was no space

minipie · 05/03/2025 13:50

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 13:48

Oh I see. It’s all about how long shes stood at the bus stop then.

Show quote history

Yes it is. That’s not surprising is it? A 30 min walk home on your own in the dark is obviously more dangerous than a 5 minute walk home in the dark, as there is more time for something dodgy to happen - this is the same.

And it’s also about her not knowing wtf to do in that situation. 12 year olds can make some daft decisions when they are stuck with an unexpected problem.

Honon · 05/03/2025 13:51

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 13:40

Clearly this is an error on the school’s part and you’re right to be annoyed that they promised something they didn’t deliver . But if there wasn’t a space then there wasn’t a space. I’m not sure what the driver was meant to do? And I don’t understand why your DD wouldn’t have contacted you straight away?

There should be a clear protocol in place for this scenario, it's the norm and fairly basic practice. Either there is and the driver didn't follow it or there isn't and there needs to be.

LovePoppy · 05/03/2025 13:51

@Pineapplepink there was a massive fuck up somewhere, but it wasn’t by you. I’m so confused by how many are making this your fault

tipsandtoes · 05/03/2025 13:52

@Spirallingdownwards

She says later that she wouldn't have been able to get home except if she walked home
Yes. AT THE END OF THE DAY .as she is at school thanks to the kind parent who took her

Relaxaholic · 05/03/2025 13:53

It’s unacceptable- I would draw the terrible case of Daniel Morecombe to their attention. A bus left him at the side of the road too, then he was abducted and murdered.

www.news.com.au/national/bus-driver-explains-at-murder-trial-why-he-didnt-stop-for-daniel-morcombe/news-story/d9a662592ccc7b2271ebe1fd6709ba63

LindaLeggings · 05/03/2025 13:54

Waiting at a bus stop, bus has wrongly gone past, can’t go home as no key, no other way to get to school - that’s vulnerable
The lack of key or means of contact is hardly the bus drivers fault.
Clearly there's been a lack of communication in the schools part but OP should have prepared DD for what would happen if the bus failed for whatever reason.

MarchingintoSpring · 05/03/2025 13:55

Pineapplepink · 05/03/2025 13:25

@TeenToTwenties I meant Dd has no way of contacting me while she’s at school so I wouldn’t have known until she got home… if she can even get home tonight!

Why doesn’t she have a phone? Not giving your child anyway to contact you is irresponsible.

Ddakji · 05/03/2025 13:57

LovePoppy · 05/03/2025 13:51

@Pineapplepink there was a massive fuck up somewhere, but it wasn’t by you. I’m so confused by how many are making this your fault

I don’t think it’s her fault, the school mucked up, but no key and no phone isn’t the school or the driver’s fault either. Obviously the OP/her DD haven’t used any kind of bus or public transport so I’m sure these things didn’t occur to her - it’s a steep learning curve!!
The main thing is the DD is fine. Lessons to be learned all round. But let’s not catastrophise this into something it isn’t.

minipie · 05/03/2025 13:58

The OP has said the school doesn’t want kids bringing phones.

OP, suggest you get her a brick phone for this purpose. Agree she should have a key too.

SP2024 · 05/03/2025 14:00

How was she going to get in when the bus dropped her off if she has no key? Presumably the bus is quicker than walking so what was she supposed to be doing?

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 14:01

LovePoppy · 05/03/2025 13:49

How could she get to school office? The bus didn’t take her there!

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Her friend’s mum did though, so unless she was kidnapped by aliens, shes at school now.

minipie · 05/03/2025 14:01

SP2024 · 05/03/2025 14:00

How was she going to get in when the bus dropped her off if she has no key? Presumably the bus is quicker than walking so what was she supposed to be doing?

Presumably mum was expecting to be home by the time DD got back after school

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 14:03

minipie · 05/03/2025 13:50

Yes it is. That’s not surprising is it? A 30 min walk home on your own in the dark is obviously more dangerous than a 5 minute walk home in the dark, as there is more time for something dodgy to happen - this is the same.

And it’s also about her not knowing wtf to do in that situation. 12 year olds can make some daft decisions when they are stuck with an unexpected problem.

Show quote history

Its daylight 7am and we dont know how far away from home the bus stop is.

minipie · 05/03/2025 14:05

What should have happened is the driver should have stayed at the stop and phoned their office, who presumably would have confirmed DD had a place on the bus.

Would have taken all of 2 minutes. If that makes the bus 2 minutes late to school / other stops then so be it, that’s better than leaving a child at the side of the road.

If there was literally no space on the bus then that is trickier but I suspect this was more a case of “you’re not on the list”.

minipie · 05/03/2025 14:06

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2025 14:03

Its daylight 7am and we dont know how far away from home the bus stop is.

Show quote history

Yes I know it is daylight, I was making an analogy.

Millymoonshine · 05/03/2025 14:07

MarchingintoSpring · 05/03/2025 13:55

Why doesn’t she have a phone? Not giving your child anyway to contact you is irresponsible.

Show quote history

Can’t believe how irresponsible my dp’s were not giving me anyway to contact them in the 1970’s, me and every other dc in school! 😂
Fgs, dc with an atom of sense at 12 years old should know how to get help if needed.

Magnastorm · 05/03/2025 14:10

Obviously this is really shit, the driver absolutely should not have just fucked off without phoning the school esp if the school has a no phones policy for the kids.

That said, the girl needs to have a key to her own house so if all else fails she can get safely back inside.

AthWat · 05/03/2025 14:14

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour by the driver.

Had you daughter been dropped off at the bus stop or had she walked there? Either way this shouldnt have happened, but obviously if its the former, it could explain why she wasn't necessarily in a position to walk home.

Timeforaglassofwine · 05/03/2025 14:14

I would be pissed off too op. This is why I've always driven my dc and not relied on the very unreliable school bus. DC's friend gets the bus, and twice so far this year the bus has skipped her stop altogether. The bus is pretty expensive and long winded too, as they have to change busses in the local town enroute.
Oh, and whether or not she has a key or is allowed a phone is irrelevant here.

Notimeforaname · 05/03/2025 14:14

Give her a phone and a key. She can keep the phone switched off in her bag but have it for emergencies like this.

UrsulasHerbBag · 05/03/2025 14:16

you need to contact the school and let them know what’s happened to put in safe guards to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Also set up some contingency plans with DD for future incase she ever needs to get in contact with you or an emergency happens.

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