Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

YANBU. I notice lots of people replied to your OP saying hitting isn't OK..

Where did the OP say hitting is OK? She didn't.

I think because there's been an increase in diagnoses of neurodivergence people's tolerance has decreased and people think it's just a label now.

Only those who actually live with it day to day know what a load of BS that is.

I haven't come across any myself. People tend to be respectful, but I'm sure there may be. It's threads on disabled children see a lot of. I just think MNHQ are crap at managing them. They aren't a discussion for AIBU if someone is genuinely asking for help.

I don't blame them

You can't hit them back

They don’t call them after the event. They call them because they are at risk from their child’s behaviour at that point.

Well , the flight risk or the safety options were not being fulfilled in my experience!

I'm autistic. In my last job I had a man shouting at me, while he was shouting at me (I was terrified, he was a lot bigger than me,) he told me he had Asperger's. His mum (I assume) stood by and did nothing. A customer went and fetched the store manager because she could see the state I was in. Obviously not the same as my experience, but there are some people who believe that you should never ever report someone who's autistic to the police, no matter what they've done.

I agree with @Whatthebarnacles regarding severe developmental disabilities that mean someone has the mind and/or ability (or lack of rather) to regulate their emotions as a toddler but I had a parent who had mental issues and trauma and was probably on the spectrum (albeit high functioning) and he was horrendously abusive. Yes they were sick but I'm ND too (BPD/EUPD, CPTSD, OCD, and some horrendous physical issues including ME/CF S, PCOS and FND) and his abuse broke me and I almost lost my life from it. No I won't go back and be his carer now he is old! I Forgive but I don't forget). Lashing out was bad enough but the constant gaslighting, name calling, threatening violence , shouting, manipulation, those things aren't accidental or a momentary loss of control . As a child I believed "daddy has a bad temper and he is scary" now I believe that it went far beyond temper tantrums.

Exactly. If the only way into a building was a wheelchair track, that meant only I could access it, but 30 people who don't use a wheelchair couldn't, I wouldn't expect them to just not have access. And that's not even comparable really, as it doesn't involve children being hurt.

There ISN'T provision though. There are no places in special schools, no funding for extra support workers and the answer is just to let children and teachers be attacked, hurt, terrified etc instead? Sure.

Why on earth do you think that? I would argue that people with hidden disabilities make up some of the most vulnerable people in society, although everyone has their own story to tell. But to enlighten you, you can be incredibly ill and not look it. Your attitude downplays the very valid suffering of people with invisible disabilities and I feel is dismissive.

‘Needing two carers doesn’t necessarily mean you are “potentially dangerous” it could mean you have life threatening seizures or are a flight risk or can’t always get home unaided. It’s also quite possible that the support worker is not needed for “company” but more for safety (eg someone who can’t ask for directions but get lost easily’

Okay :

asking directions … given that they walk up and down the lane (which has only one very uninviting footpath going off it ) pretty much every day unless very cold or pouring with rain…doubtful

Flight risk : total failure there then, as detailed

Seizures: don’t know but Unmade rural cul-de-sac not a great choice for a walk in this case.

None of these ‘explanations’ answered why the Carers do not walk near the guy, and are immersed in their smartphones rather than performing their (presumable) job of looking after him and being active companions. So he can run off and enter gardens and houses at will

I understand that their role is to ‘look after’ the client, but they are not fulfilling this role. So next time they negligently allow him to go into someone’s house or garden and the householder does not placate or satisfy their uninvited guest and the situation escalates……

Too late to say lessons have been learnt for the small child on the Tate roof - except of course they haven’t.

Oh that poor woman and her baby. That's horrendous. 'Days away from giving birth'. 😟 That's made me feel so sad. I do wish murdering a pregnant woman who's that far along counts as two murders. There have been several cases like that over the years and every time I read about them something in me breaks. (Abortion, whether before the 24 week limit for any reason, or medically necessary after that point, being an entirely different thing.)

He was found guilty of the murder of the woman and child destruction. He was not found guilty of the murder of the unborn baby, as legally that is not possible in England. My original comment is correct.

people saying about when someone with a disability injures another person and it’s not ok- do you understand that they can’t help hurting other people. My son is autistic and during his meltdowns he will lash out and hurt himself or others - 90% of the time I’m on the receiving end of that. He cannot comprehend what he is during in that moment, but as soon as he is out of that ‘mindset’ and calms down he comprehends what he has done and cannot apologise enough and feels guilty for the rest of the day. It’s not like these children or adults do it on purpose and blames it on their disability, they physically cannot help it.

also the people saying ‘well I have autism and I don’t hurt people’ - I hope you realise disabilities are a spectrum and just because some don’t doesn’t mean some do. I really would have thought people who struggle with it themselves or have children with it would have more understanding or compassion but it seems to be the complete opposite

Well remember the Jonty Bravery case where a man with autism and also PD diagnoses (he was unable to live 100%/independently due to them IIRC) pushed a child off a balcony in an art gallery, badly injuring the child? Would posters on MN have been ok with him getting away with it? I wouldn't. He should have been in a residential secure unit, not in the community.

@Whatthebarnacles if I could like your post x1000 I would.

As someone who works with children and young people with autism and fights for their rights legally, I absolutely despair at some of the recent threads on here.

It is the biggest privilege of my life to work with such amazing children and young people - how anyone can judge someone on a scared, anxious, externalising behaviour which is highlighting their internal overwhelm I have no idea.

When deciding on a primary school for my daughter, I deliberately chose a mainstream state school over a local private setting as I feel so strongly that I want her to grow up with an inclusive mind and to accept all children for who they are. Within her school there are plenty of “children disturbing the lesson” - give a shit.

Learning to be kind, compassionate and inclusive to all is a far greater lesson in life than any maths or English lesson that may have a “five min disruption “. Remind me of the last time you all used trigonometry….

The current discourse (led by the orange dick in America) around disabilities is genuinely terrifying.

But I promise you, your son will always be welcomed, loved and accepted in my world. And by future generations who are being shown we are all equal, valued humans.

It’s not ok. I understand that it might not be the persons fault but that doesn’t change the fact that someone had been assaulted. Better supervision or in worst cases, secure accommodation is required.

So if someone with a disability killed your son you would say ‘that’s ok, they couldn’t help it’?

I don't know what your original comment was, I wasn't replying to you. And I know it's not legally possible, I'm saying it SHOULD be. 🤦🏻‍♀️ The reading comprehension on this site gets worse every day, I swear.

I think it’s hard for everyone involved

I don't think bullying and violence should be considered the same as a child having a vocal tic or stimming. Those are things a child can't help. Jayden can choose to flip tables but he needs discipline of he makes that choice. Same with bullies.

He wasn't diagnosed as ND, though or have I missed something?

None of these ‘explanations’ answered why the Carers do not walk near the guy, and are immersed in their smartphones rather than performing their (presumable) job of looking after him and being active companions. So he can run off and enter gardens and houses at will. But their job may not be to be “active companions. You seem to think they should be engaging the man in chat and standing right next to him at all times like a nanny to a preschooler. That may be a long long way from their role. A PA is engaged to support the client not mummy them. I obviously don’t know this situation or person but it sounds like they’d like to go for a walk alone. For whatever reason that’s not possible so they have found a quiet place with few options so the route is the same and the man is able to walk ahead a little and have a semblance of freedom.

Remind me of the last time you all used trigonometry….

Earlier today (well, yesterday now). Your point?

A five minute distraction? Really? Have you ever been in a classroom? Just over half the children in the lady Year 2 class I taught had EHCPs, and some without had severe behavioural issues. Evacuating the classroom multiple times a day because of chairs being thrown, a child who would regularly scream so hard she'd burst blood vessels in her nose so the classroom would look like a murder scene, a child who enjoyed ripping everything off the walls and tearing up books and classwork, another one who would take shoes off and hurl them at faces, one who would regularly soil themselves... And the list goes on.

Out of 5 hours a day of teaching time, the children in that particular class were getting half an hour at best, and even that would be disrupted constantly.

What you're saying is, nothing of value is ever being taught, so NT children should just get on with it because they'll never use trigonometry anyway?

That just beggars belief.

and this is the point really.
Others have stated autistic people that lash out don’t know they are doing it at the time and will lash out at whoever. Surely if family or professionals know someone could be dangerous they should be monitored when in public to protect the public. It’s simply not good enough to say they are autistic they do this sometimes.
The above case is a good example. The authorities and family should have been aware he was a danger to people and should have been unsupervised at all times