Asking too much to get a private school place?

[Twentythirdtry]

If there’s a child in a private prep whose parents receive no financial help for this, are they unreasonable to believe they have any chance of securing a bursary for senior school?

• the child is awaiting diagnosis for ASD
• quite exceptionally talented in art and current head believes there’s a chance to secure art scholarship.
• just above average CAT scores (tad below in verbal reasoning) so likely to pass entrance tests

parents are facing mounting debt (including utility bills) funding his current school place, and often go without basic and necessities for themselves. The parents rent, don’t own a car, don’t have any savings capital or investments, have no family to ask. One parent is a full time carer for a severely disabled relative and the other parent earns 45k pre tax with sometimes 100 hours overtime each month.

senior school place would be entirety of fathers post tax income per annum

difference in the child’s academic and social development since moving to prep has been noted by teachers as commendable.

Child did not cope well in State primary due to bullying and local secondaries have a growing problem with knife crime.

given some parents own homes/mortgages, equity, savings, car(s), not in debt etc, and moderate incomes, and are granted bursaries…

would the child be likely to be granted a bursary? If so, would this be likely a large or small bursary/any idea of percent?

Actually it’s not quite as simple as that at all. The level of care required far outweighs what LA will offer and they cannot afford to pay for it privately. The reason I started caring for this person is because they had LA care and were being abused (not by the carer) and LA weren’t doing anything about it despite me physically walking into their offices to confront them about it.

If it’s not already obvious, to be absolutely clear; if it was possible to increase income in any way then I most certainly already would have.

Homeschool seems the safest option (in comparison to sending him to the schools with rising knife crime) and will probably have to seriously consider this option if there’s no prospect of fee assistance.

I think you are misunderstanding that paper and extrapolating inappropriately to your child. Look at the context, where they got their Sam ample, their method etc. it says NOTHING about private education fixing mental illness.

About my kids - I moved to an area with good state schools and affordable house prices. I’m a single parent with a lower income than you so I couldn’t even think of private schools.

One of my children got extra help in school. I spent a lot of time advocating for that. I mean A LOT of time and hassle and learning what the options were. You have to fight for it.

I used my spare cash to pay for relevant out of school activities & counselling and support.

I know this isn't what you asked but throwing it into the mix as something to consider. To be upfront I am saying this as someone with autism who went to a very selective private school (I was undiagnosed at the time) and still potentially considering private for my ASD son when he reaches secondary school. Private schools are not always the answer. He is obviously having a great experience at his private primary and is doing really well. If he has ASD with any kind of PDA profile a selective secondary may not be a good environment for him. I did way better both grades and emotionally at a state sixth form than I did at selective private secondary.

I would say consider both state and private options (if feasible) and look for the school that will provide the right environment even if their reputation/grade achievements are lower. Basically don't assume that because a school is private it will be the best option.

If the level of care for the person you’re caring for is above what the LA will provide look at CHC funding. One of my parents is in receipt of it and gets appropriate care way above and beyond what social care would provide them. It be as much as a battle to get as a decent EHCP but fighting for an appropriate EHCP and care for your relative may be the better outcome long term.

it’s not possible to up and leave the disabled relative to fend for themselves..?

Is the disabled relative your child?

Yes this is something I hadn’t really considered actually. Thanks!

OP, again being brutally honest, if I thought my child needed private school to thrive, in your situation I'd prioritise them over disabled relative like a shot. Our responsibilities to our children are much more important than any responsibilities to other family members and come first imo.

Even if you were doing shifts in a supermarket or other unqualified work, you'd still earn enough to make a significant difference to your situation.

I don't know any families who put their children through private school on one fairly average income, sorry, although I do know some families who manage one child on two fairly average incomes.

Tbh you also need to weigh up the benefits to him against the downsides of giving him essentially a materially impoverished childhood.

But really I agree that you should look for a state school you can stomach for him and work towards getting him in there. That and stop being an unpaid carer for your relative and get their care taken over by the council. You can only push yourself so far before you break.

You really need to quote the post you are replying to, or it's unclear what you are agreeing with.

YABU. You cannot afford it- stop crippling yourselves. It won’t help you or DC in the long run.

Senior schools are not obliged to give bursaries and there’s no saying you’ll get one, however talented your DC. After the VAT add on most bursaries are going to vanish.

You need to be building up savings and would be better off moving in to the catchment of a better state school.

isnt there another thread identical to this where the OP states she wants a 100% bursary?

I very much doubt that would work. Most state schools have children with autism, adhd etc and sen support staff.

So many different factors to consider. Age, some schools only offer bursary after say year 9. Talent, schools offer scholarships and bursaries to secure the best pupils (to ensure variety or simply for marketing). Finances, bursaries are always means tested. How many applicants/what the school can afford to fund, giving 10 people a 10% bursary costs the same as 1 on 100% but more children benefit (also the school are securing fees for 10 students at 90% which is better for the bottom line). Schools are charities, and they will invest in children's education. But they have to balance the need AND stay afloat in what is an extremely difficult time for the sector and bursary pots are being cut.

You won’t get an ehcp to fund a private mainstream school, I’m sorry but that’s simply a myth that idiot politicians like to come out with to suggest that pushy parents are somehow exploiting the sen system.

EHCPs will only fund private schools where those are set up specifically for children who otherwise cannot attend school.

My kids are at a large private mainstream, one child has an ehcp that provides a 1 to 1 support worker but the parents still pay the school fees, they just got the worker paid for as that would be required in any school he went to. This school is known as the best private mainstream for Sen in our area but there still isn’t a single child whose fees are being paid by the local authority.

No this was in reply to you saying that you don’t believe what I said about most children with ASD have mental health problems, and you asked for evidence to prove this?

You’ve made some assumptions there about my income and all I can tell you is that you are very much incorrect on that too…

OP, forgive me if this has already been mentioned or if this is out of place, but I think you may be confusing a bursary and a scholarship.

My understanding is that a scholarship is non means tested and offered to children with an exceptional talent in certain areas.

A bursary is to help a child whose parents' income is below a certain threshold (which depends from school to school) attend the school who would otherwise not be able to attend but who otherwise meets the entrance criteria. These bursaries are tied to parental income not the children's talents per se.

In other words, given your household income, it certainly would make sense to speak to the schools as advised.

You can apply, but if you don't get financial aid it would be madness to send him to secondary. The additional costs on yop of school fees mount up in secondary. Trips, uniforms, pe kits, equipment. Fingers crossed for the art scolarship that sounds like a plan.

I’ve made no assumptions about your income , you posted it upthread , that your / your partners income is £45k.

Anyway it seems that you want to argue and not to get help / discuss things so I’m out . I hope you find a way to get what you want for your child .

I completely understand why you want your DC to attend private school under the circumstances. One of my own DC has ASD and has recently moved to a private school. This was absolutely the right decision and they are thriving. However we are funding this ourselves. Although relatively academic Dc is much harder work than a neurotypical child, why would the school want to create more work for themselves by funding a bursary, particularly if the child is not going to get top marks in their exams? You have to be realistic. If we couldn't have afforded private school I would have gone down the homeschooling route. Something else to consider might be getting a job in a private school as they often offer a decent discount.

How old is your dc? Are you looking at y7 or y9 entry? He previously attended a state school and you moved him to this prep. Have your circumstances changed since or was it always a struggle to pay fees? Do you feel the advice you are being given by his current head is acknowledging your financial constraints? Is he in danger of raising your hopes beyond what is realistic? A good prep head can negotiate a little if they have positive relationship with the senior school but your ds will still need to be of the appropriate academic and behavioural level to stand a chance of being accepted let alone any funding.

Another point to take into account is that many schools require both parents to work in order to qualify for a bursary.

Homeschool seems the safest option (in comparison to sending him to the schools with rising knife crime) and will probably have to seriously consider this option if there’s no prospect of fee assistance.

If you can do that and continue to care for your disabled relative, then I would do that. I can't see any more than a 10% reduction in fees being likely.

That is completely untrue. It’s hard but it’s more than possible to get the LA to fund a private school.

Each school has different bursary requirements, but you would seem to fall within most. Agree with other posters, is a move possible to a nicer state school? You could use the money saved from prep school fees to fund secondary, which is generally rougher/more problematic, larger class sizes too.

Ok….im going from what I was told by 3 education lawyers and the 2 local support organisations that I talked to about seeing whether we could get help with my child’s school fees. All said that it was unheard of and simply wouldn’t happen. The only way I’d get a private school place paid for would be for a special school or for a specialist school for children with neurodiversity and/or mental health issues, no chance of getting fees paid just for the smaller class sizes.

He would likely pass entrance exams and his behaviour is fine. He can lack focus (not getting some of his work completed etc) but we are reassured that this isn’t disruptive in any way. The head isn’t overly aware of just how difficult it is financially, nor did we discuss that bursary support would certainly be required for senior schools, so I don’t think she’s intentionally given false hope at all, however she has said DS would have no trouble at all getting a place at some senior schools she suggested