To think drinking daily is not “normal”

[Lemonteas]

DH drinks most days, nothing much but a couple of pints. He’s also a big wine lover, and I like wine, but can take it or leave it. He has made comments that he wishes we had more date nights with wine, preferably weekly. I would be up for doing it every two weeks, I’m just not a big drinker — I got it very much out of my system in a big way when I was younger and have had several family members die due to alcoholism, so it’s something I’m wary about and personally keep it strictly to socialising.

Tonight, unrelated to his specific drinking habits, we were discussing a mutual friend who drinks a bottle of wine each day. I commented that it sounds like a slippery slope. He immediately got defensive and said that my attitude to drinking is unusual and that “it’s perfectly normal for people to drink everyday.” I cannot relate to this and maybe it is my own personal experience being that the people I’ve known drink daily have all had terrible battles with alcoholism, and the fact that beyond that, I just don’t ever feel an urge to drink it at home.

I’d like to understand if my attitudes are indeed wrong; I don’t judge but I think I’m easily concerned and biased due to personal experiences, or if he’s possibly being defensive due to the fact he himself drinks every day?

Normal for students ( Uni age), probably. Normal for professionals in their twenties maybe. Not normal for those who care for children, i'd have thought. Not normal for those on very limited incomes. May be normal for a lot of people on holiday. Those are the main groups I can come up with generalisations about it.

I think the fact that expressions such as dry days or sober days exist is quite telling. If someone has to make a conscious effort, enough to give that a label, then i think that says something about the relationship with alcohol.

The fact that he wants YOU to drink more so that at least part of his excessive drinking can appear normal and appear approved of, is worrying and also shows a real lack of care towards you, your choices and your health

Why does date night have to involve wine? So he has an excuse to drink more? So he doesn't feel like he's drinking alone? It's worrying that he thinks it's normal to drink every day and is defending someone drinking a bottle of wine every day. I'd be very concerned OP but don't get dragged into his drinking habits.

I agree.

God l couldn't imagine drinking more because someone else wants me to.

My ex put a joint in my face once and said go on try it. Hence, he's an ex! My body, my choice.

Wine wasn’t 6% 30 years ago! Although ABV has definitely risen, that’s very true.

DH drinks non-alcoholic beer in the week and there’s now an astonishing amount of it on the market. You can even get NA beer clubs. It’s great as it totally replaces all the rituals of relaxing with a beer - it hits the psychological need for something like that.

I wouldn't say it's 'normal' behaviour in the people I'm around, not at all.

I do, however, know of one person who drinks most days. In his 40's he's now got gastric problems and stomach ulcers that's been attributed to his drinking.

It's normal in some cultures to drink every day, the caveat is that "drinking every day" consists of a small glass of wine with dinner not a bottle of wine and a couple of pints. And if you ever travelled in Spain or France, their "small glass" is about half the size of what would be a small glass in the UK.

I usually have a bottle of wine over Fri/Sat, more if we are out. I really look forward to it and feel bit ridiculous that I wouldn't enjoy weekend without. But I know daily drinking is absolutely not normal.

i don’t understand how people can drink a bottle of wine a day every day- it’s wild. The expense and relentlessness of it.

But then addicts will justify it.

The average Italian person drinks 40 bottles of wine per year, the average Brit drinks 108 bottles of wine per year. In addition to that Brits drink way more beer and spirits than Italians too. You can't pretend that Italians small glass of red with dinner a few times a week is anywhere near on par with what the OPs partner or most Brits alcohol consumption.

He’s got an alcohol problem and he’s defensive because you aren’t playing along with the ‘normal’ storyline. FYI, my dad drank 2 pints daily and was diagnosed with cirrhosis in his 60s. He only lived 3 years with it.

A bottle of wine a day isn’t a slippery slope, it’s straight up alcoholism.

I think it depends, I have a relative who is retired and has half a pint of beer with lunch everyday, I don’t think that’s a ‘problem’ but someone drinking several pints a day, every day probably is a problem.

Depending what you google you get much less of a diffferential though the UK consumes more alcohol than Italy. Having also spent time in Italy there are more spirits, digestifs, caffe corretto and vino di tavola.

Daily drinking isn’t great but MN is puritanical about alcohol.

Find the time to drink? Are you serious?

It really shouldn’t be a problem unless you are seriously challenged in the multitasking department.

Did you show this thread to your husband by any chance? I can't see a woman talking like this.
I lived in the med for 5 years. They do not drink daily wine. It's a total myth. Most have jobs that require waking at 5am.

I agree with pps that it’s common but not normal. And it can definitely be a slippery slope. I ended up drinking up to 3 bottles of wine a day. Discovering more & more really good AF drinks. I had a zero gin & tonic in the pub the other night & actually checked with the barman because it tasted so authentic!

He wants to be drunk every day? Why does he need to do that?

People didn’t drink like this 50-60 years ago. Certainly not wine. It was a fairly expensive import until the 1990s, when the new world wines flooded the market and the EEC became easier to trade in. Pubs had shorter hours and you couldn’t buy drink in the supermarket between certain hours on Sundays for example.

Drinking culture has massively changed

Common enough but not in my house. I’d be wrecked if I drank every day. I’d hate it Dh did too.

I think you’re wrong. (1965-1975) I think people DID have a drink after work fairly routinely. Gin or sherry or beer at home or in the pub, wine was served with meals rather than as a drink before. People drank and smoked over lunch too in some circles. Most people bought their alcohol in an off licence not the supermarket. Even in the 80s and 90s people went to the pub regularly and it was for all age groups.

There's always one or two posters who say 'mumsnet is puritanical about alcohol' but it's such bullshit. The alcohol support forum on here is very well used - it pops up regularly in active threads for a reason.
Whenever anyone asks about how much alcohol people drink or should drink, there's always a spread of replies from - I never drink to a bottle of wine a day. But someone will always pop up with the hilarious 'thimble of sherry at Christmas' comment.

I think it’s unhelpful on general threads when people who never or almost never drink post on questions about moderate or holiday drinking. Just because those responses aren’t relevant to the question being asked. I know lots of people who barely or don’t drink but they wouldn’t then opine on it.

Depends on the question surely? If it's a thread asking people for wine recommendations then sure, not helpful to pop up and say you don't drink.
On this thread I think all opinions are helpful.

I’m going to point out that for cooking it’s actually best to fry in lard/butter. For cold use of fats it’s best to use olive oil.