Page 2 | So upset at school offer

kathjee · 2025-03-03T11:15:40+00:00

Actually sat here crying, sounds so silly. But DS got his third choice, which I was never keen on and is far away. All his friends got 1st choice and so happy and messaging in the watsapp grp. He's going to be gutted when he gets home from school. I know we can appeal but iv also heard they are rarely successful. Can anyone help or advise re appeals pls? I feel like we always have such bad luck in these things, without sounding cliche it does always seem to be us who don't get first choices etc 😭.

3WildOnes · 03/03/2025 12:01

It doesn't matter in which order you list schools- so putting school 2 first would have made no difference.

If you are in catchment and of the right faith for school 2 , could they have made a mistake? Can you post their admission criteria here, including oversubscription criteria? Do you know others who have got into this school?

Tiswa · 03/03/2025 12:03

Yes putting school 2 first would not have made a difference at all so put that out of yiur head

what is it about 3 that is worrying you?

TeenToTwenties · 03/03/2025 12:03

Mnetcurious · 03/03/2025 12:00

There must be a good reason why his friends got in and not your son, eg living closer /siblings /ehcp. The chances of an appeal changing anything are low, unless they have incorrectly applied the criteria for allocating places.
Depending on waiting list length, there’s a chance he could get in to your second or first choice before September but I wouldn’t pin all your hopes on it.
Try and find some positives to focus on. This may turn out to be a school where he thrives. Friendship groups often really do change completely at secondary school. Explain to your son that nothing is certain for now but even if he does end up at your allocated school, there’s a good chance he will end up loving it and make amazing new friends.

Appeals at secondary are not only about admissions criteria being applied correctly.

They are about detriment to the child of notcattending versus detriment to the school of taking an extra pupil.

The OP needs to post on secondary education with appeal in the title.

Arrivals4lucky · 03/03/2025 12:04

Faith schools have their own criteria.Obvs. Hanging your hat on a school that you weren’t of the faith of always tricky.

go on the waiting list for the one/s you want. By end of summer EVERYONE we knew got their 1st or 2nd choice. Private parents will have applied anyway and will now turn down places. People move around.

it seems like the worst thing now but it will all shake out.

Original poster

kathjee · 03/03/2025 12:04

I should mention, the school choice we got, I just don't see him fitting in there. It is predominantly white (nothing wrong with that at all) we are not white and honestly I did it growing up and i just never fit in, always stuck out like a sore thumb as much as I tried. And I don't mean, physically, I mean mentally and socially and just difference in cultures. But with our first 2 choices I feel like there was more of a mix and he could relate more.

OP posts:

justanothercrapbedtime · 03/03/2025 12:05

Hmm I think it was a mistake putting the CofE as choice 1 - if the criteria is confirmed faith and church attendance you were always low priority. I'd go on the wait list for Choice 2 - if it's your catchment then perhaps some of his friends will also be going there

Arrivals4lucky · 03/03/2025 12:05

Waiting lists. You can’t appeal as you have no grounds to, but going waiting list and don’t mention it to your kid. It’s stressful but there’s months to go yet.

Barleysugar86 · 03/03/2025 12:05

kathjee · 03/03/2025 11:56

So the first choice was a CofE school. One of the best schools. We are not CofE but of other world faiths - so we knew chance was low.

So the school his friends were offered we couldn't apply due to catchment, so it's not that he isn't with them (we already prepared him for that) it's just how everyone is getting their first choices, even the the kids who aren't his friends and going to diff schools got first choice.

The second school, we are within catchment and religion - but I feel like had we put it first we would have got it? Looking back now I think there is a way to work the system. But my OH really wanted to try for the first school.

We have never showed preference to my son so not to get his hopes up. And he's a very resilient kid and such a lovely kid- he said to his dad yday I don't mind if I don't make friends and I'm a loner (he has a lot of friends rn and makes friends quite easily) as long as I do well in whatever I do 😭

You do know that order of preference makes no difference right? All your choices are independently worked out for whether you qualify essentially blind of the preference list. Then they offer you the highest preference you have a 'yes' for and release the others lower down the list.

Shushquite · 03/03/2025 12:06

I'm still waiting for ds1 results. There are waiting lists that children move up and down in. I would find our when they clear the waiting list. My aunt got her son in a school by January. He was 30+ om the waiting list I think, then I presume people forgot to reconfirm they wanted a place in the waiting list and my cousin got a place.

Mnetcurious · 03/03/2025 12:06

kathjee · 03/03/2025 12:00

For the second one, I'm sure we are closer than some of the students but like someone mentioned it's like a Bermuda Triangle thing. I feel like it's all so confusing. Hoping to email the LA and get further information. Il call them again re waiting lists, forgot to ask. If you look at the website it does say if u don't get first and second choice u get put on waiting list for both.

Just because you’re closer doesn’t mean there’s not another reason they’re higher up on the priority list. Eg “siblings at the school and living in catchment” usually takes priority over just living in catchment. Also things like having an ehcp or being “looked after” will mean a child who lives further away than you could get in because these are higher priority categories.

Arrivals4lucky · 03/03/2025 12:07

Our friend with unbaptised kids, not Catholic, not church goers tried to get into the big Catholic Church school, then was really upset when they didn’t get in!
Then 4 months into being on waiting list DID get offered a place…

Original poster

kathjee · 03/03/2025 12:08

This is why I'm confused as some say preference doesn't matter but I am wondering if it's because we put the CofE first. I think the admission for other faiths is 30% so we thought we would give it a try. I'm going to fit the admission criteria for school 2 and look again. Will call LA re waiting lists

The third school we got is also the furthest

OP posts:

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/03/2025 12:08

It is upsetting when you don't get your first choice of school, but don't give up yet. We didn't get our first choice for dd either initially but she did eventually get a place from the wait list. I would say that's probably your best option for getting a place right now, as appeals are rarely successful.

In the meantime, try not to show any disappointment to your dc regarding the school that he has been allocated. You need to be relentlessly positive for his sake.

TeenToTwenties · 03/03/2025 12:10

kathjee · 03/03/2025 12:08

This is why I'm confused as some say preference doesn't matter but I am wondering if it's because we put the CofE first. I think the admission for other faiths is 30% so we thought we would give it a try. I'm going to fit the admission criteria for school 2 and look again. Will call LA re waiting lists

The third school we got is also the furthest

Putting something else first doesn't impact your chance of qualifying for schools 2 or 3.

It is only if you qualify for more than 1 school that the order is looked at to give you the one you prefer more.

TheMorels · 03/03/2025 12:11

I feel your pain. We got none of our 3 choices I was devastated. We were lucky to be successful at appeal but I spent 2 months working on it.

Don’t let your son see you’re disappointed, be bright and breezy for his sake.

nam3c4ang3 · 03/03/2025 12:12

In my opinion, putting your name down in a faith school when you are not of that faith - you were always not going to be a priority for them - the schools we applied for told us not to get our hopes up if we put them as a choice (i am catholic) the school was COE.

SouthernTip · 03/03/2025 12:13

Have a read and post here @kathjee. This is where you will find lots of good information and expert support. ( rather than AIBU)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary

okydokethen · 03/03/2025 12:14

I've been where you are - didn't even get third just a random offer. I did appeal but it was pointless there is a very strict criteria. Get on waiting list and he will get the place eventually.

TickingAlongNicely · 03/03/2025 12:16

If these are religious schools, did you have to fill in any supplementary forms... and did you do this?

BunnyLake · 03/03/2025 12:25

Aw your son sounds a sweetheart. I can’t offer any advice but just want to wish your son lots of luck in whatever school he goes to.

Ceramiq · 03/03/2025 12:25

atriskacademic · 03/03/2025 11:56

Doesn't need to be the case - our first choice was our closest school, only 2.8km away. However, it is in a very densely inhabited city centre with people who have lots of money to pay for houses close to school. 2nd choice had odd admissions criteria which preferred students for whom the school is their closest available school - which meant that it took in a lot of students from outlying villages, but not ours because for us it was not the closest school. In other words, we were in a proper admissions bermuda triangle. That may well be the case here too

Show quote history

"Admissions Bermuda Triangle" is indeed a thing and it can be very hard to get one's head around.

JustMyView13 · 03/03/2025 12:26

Back when I were a las…
Mid term transfers got new spaces faster than those on the waiting list.
I know, because I was a mid term transfer and started Y8 in my new school (another girl moved faster because she stopped attending - pre fines!) and I was in Y10 when someone got offered a space under the appeal process.

prh47bridge · 03/03/2025 12:28

kathjee · 03/03/2025 12:08

This is why I'm confused as some say preference doesn't matter but I am wondering if it's because we put the CofE first. I think the admission for other faiths is 30% so we thought we would give it a try. I'm going to fit the admission criteria for school 2 and look again. Will call LA re waiting lists

The third school we got is also the furthest

I can guarantee that putting the CofE first had no effect at all on your application for your second choice. The school won't have been told that they were your second choice. It is against the law for schools to give priority based on their position in your preferences.

If there was a mistake in applying the admission criteria and you should have got a place, you have a very strong case for appeal. If not, you need to identify ways in which your son will be disadvantaged by not being admitted to this school. That means finding things this school offers that are not available at the allocated school and are particularly relevant to him. For example, if your son is musically talented and the school you want has more extracurricular musical activities than the school you've been offered, that is the kind of thing that can help with your appeal.

The school you want must answer any reasonable questions you ask to help you prepare for your appeal.

Around 20% of appeals for secondary schools are successful, so you have a chance.

Hwi · 03/03/2025 12:28

It could turn out to be a blessing - many acquaintances of mine moved their dc from minor day schools to really shitty inner city schools to have more UCAS points at uni. It paid off in the end - in fact, I think I was stupid not to do the same.

Hiddenmyname · 03/03/2025 12:28

If it's any help my Son didn't get first choice last year - we ended up sending him to private school, however his first choice state was calling me on September 3rd saying they had spaces if my Son still wanted to go, the Grammar school was also calling me asking if I wanted him to resit in September as they had spaces!! There really is so much change between now and September, and it does suck as you'll never feel like you 100% know where your child will end up, but it can change so stay hopeful.

Also, they always make new friends - my Son doesnt even speak to the other few that went to his school from Primary.