To Object to my Colleague Harping on About Me Being British?

[BaMamma]

I spent most of my adult life in North London and moved to the Pacific Northwest nearly 7 years ago so naturally pretty much everyone I work with is American. Sometimes I say something that denotes me as British, calling elevators lifts, or saying, 'I can't be faffed' to do something and we all have a good laugh, fair enough. However, I have one colleague who keeps commenting on it and it's starting to get to me.

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British and referring to me as a 'limey', he then went on to explain the term and tell me about his interest in British Naval History!

I messaged back saying I knew the term as my brother had been bullied with it when we were kids, commenting that 'kids can be so xenophobic', thinking that would be a big enough hint. But, no, he came back saying 'he came by it honestly' as his great grandmother came from X place in Britain!

I'm starting to feel weirdly 'othered' by this, am I being oversensitive?

YABU: you're being oversensitive, just let it slide
YANBU: that's annoying, address it directly

Next time “ok, I think you’ve exhausted the quota of jokes about me being British now 🙂”. Then just don’t respond to anything else he says in future.

Sounds good, but I suspect he'd cheerfully tell me he had plenty more 😆

So then you just ignore! He’ll give up eventually if he’s getting no response. At least you’ll have (politely) made the point that it’s tiresome.

Just practice saying "Really?" While raising one eyebrow and fixing him with a Hard Stare.

Make him look away first.

He sounds like a teaboo honestly

He just sounds a bit obsessed with the UK, how long has this gone on for? hopefully he’ll get over it soon as the novelty wears off…

It's been a slow drip, but it's increased recently, which is why I'm bothered by it. An occasional remark is understandable, but it's getting a bit much.

It would annoy me too. I hate being othered in this way and I would let him know.

Is OP white?

As it happens, I am. I wonder if he’d do it if I wasn’t?

He would but instead it would be him being obsessed with whatever country you are “REALLY” from!

OMG, so much worse!

I don’t know why you don’t tell him that you don’t think he’s funny and should find somelse that appreciates his totally off putting English prejudice. That should make him shut up.

If you read some of the well known online forums most Americans find the term ‘yank’ quite the offensive slur. Limey isn’t an endearing term.

OP, where was it that your brother was called a limey growing up, as you said you spent most your adult life in London - were you born in Britain?

edited to add - just read further comments by OP explaining they lived in North America for a year, sorry

Maybe ask if he’d find the term ‘yank’ offensive?

He was called a limey in Canada. I was born in Canada to British and American parents, we moved to London when I was two, then went back to Canada for a year when I was 4 and my brother was 8.
[I think I was writing this while you were editing yours 😆]

That’s interesting, you could maybe tell him you are Canadian by birth or have 3 (or4) passports.

The fact he keeps using this term and pointing out you are basically not ‘from round here’ is actually a serious matter work-wise I’d imagine. It is othering you and placing you outside the group. Would he be comfortable saying something similar to someone coming from a country with a different ethnic background - I’m guessing not. Your bosses should take this very seriously as presumably they would strive for inclusivity and everyone being regarded as equal and part of the same team. I’m not sure what the set up is regarding HR or the equivalent over there but if you are feeling bullied or made to feel different in a negative way then surely there is someone/something in place for you to disclose this.

I hope you get it resolved soon.

😂

I think I'd deal with it by changing my response to an exaggerated eye roll and a "change the record,Bob" (or "love" if you want to go for a dash of British condescension)

Then when he protested / defended his jokes/remarks "Well it's got really tired and I'm finding it quite offensive so could you drop it now?"

Sceptic tank..Yank
Wonder how that would go.
Here's an idea he could just call you by your name.

He's commenting on her nationality, not her race. You could accuse him of being xenophobic, but not racist.

I get this type of thing all the time in England. It’s tiring and I find that ignoring it tends to make people drop it after a while.

That's people just showing an interest in you?! How weird to take offence at that.

Well actually I didn't say I did " take offence" : I said that having the fact you are constantly having it pointed out to you - in my case for a period of around 45 years- that you are of a different nationality has the effect of making you feel like an outsider and stranger in your adopted country.
That is not me being weird.