Friends not sponsoring dh

[Primmyhill]

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

no. I was one of the scientists supposedly funded by one of these charities.

my pay as a postdoctoral researcher was not much above minimum wage. Considerably less than the salaries you post, although admittedly a few years ago now. After 7 years at uni. The uk is losing all its scientists because the pay is shit, and contracts are only ever temporary, one or two years. You’re often expected to relocate for each new contract.

out of my peer group none of us are still working in research.

want to cure MND? Pay the scientists, not fundraisers and staff to organise these “challenges”.

YABU. People are entitled to choose if, when and where they donate their money.

I don't sponsor adults unless it's a cause really close to my heart. I do contribute to school sponsorships though because they're usually to improve the educational experience they're getting.

I have nothing against as faults fundraising. I just have charities that I choose to donate to and I have reasons I donate to them.

Hope you raise what you need - and ignore the negativity on this post Op it’s not a true reflection of most people many do have a moan but come good in the end good cause and charities rely on individuals who try and raise cash .. don’t turn into a transactional person give from the heart or the head if and when you can afford to

Still this. You either want some honest feedback on what your DH is doing OP, or you want approval.

If you won't say what he is doing then why even bother to start the thread or continue to post when you're very obviously withholding information that people will view unfavourably.

I'm sorry you're not able to continue as a researcher but an organisation with no government funding can't pay for any research at all without staff who generate income.

Fundraising doesn't happen in a vacuum.

Those salaries are not that much above minimum wage these days. I think its about £23k and I see a lot of community fundraising jobs starting at around £27k.

I think many PP have missed an important point the OP has made. She made a reasonable assumption that by asking for (and receiving) sponsorship money that this was an accepted and legitimate way of charity fundraising within her social circle. Yet when she took the same approach it appeared to be one sided. It’s not about expecting ‘payback’ - but wondering why they feel it’s a good way for THEM to get support for good causes but doesn’t work the other way round.

As PPs have said I don’t want to give to ‘challenges’ where you are effectively finding a bucket list/holiday activity ie donations pay for flights etc (and making money for the company who arranges it too). But the OP has made it clear they have paid these and donations are going straight to the charity. So yes, I do think it strange that NONE of her social circle have chosen to donate ANYTHING using this method.

YABU not to continue donating via sponsorship if you think it’s a good method ie only giving if you get sponsorship in return.

YANBU to have expected this tried and tested method of fundraising to have raised donations from your social circle.

She said she had sponsored kids - they’re usually school things - like a sponsored silence, not a hike up Kilimanjaro

adult ms are a little different

Does it matter though? The principle seems that people are happy to receive but not to give.

It’s a friend doing something for charity..it’s not that deep. Just be kind to you friends when they’re kind to you

OP don’t be passive, you said your friends badgered you to sponsor their little darlings (I don’t agree with this), and you were v kind to do so, but now have some fun here, and play them at their own game, and shamelessly publicly badger for sponsorship on a night out in front of others!! I can tell it’s not your style, but they’ve shown they were just out for themselves previously and just wanted sponsorship for themselves at that time, and not anyone else going forward! DO NOT ever give in to their pressure again and sponsor them again. I hate people who publicly pressure in this way

I have a set budget for charity donations every year and I want that money to go to the charities I've picked.

I'll happily sponsor kids a few quid, because they're kids, it's important and little Jonny isn't going to understand why Uncle Bob doesn't want to give him money for his sponsored danceathon or whatever.

But I don't sponsor other adults. If they want to give money to charity, they can give their own money, just as I do. Usually it's just an excuse because they want to spend time on their hobby and need an excuse to spend hours and hours and hours away from their family in training

And it might be worth Little Jonny’s parents teaching little Jonny that when he gets sponsored he should like to see others sponsored in future. Perhaps they’ll make a point of sponsoring someone, child or adult, in return.

It’s not a friend though. It’s parents of kids at the school. It’s often random people at work etc

@StrikeAlways - Read the OP. She’s often sponsored friends’ kids and have had no response from these friends.

People happy to take but not give.

I never sponsor anything. Neither would I ask anyone to sponsor me. If I want to donate money to a good cause, I will just do that. No need to shave my head, run round the garden or anything else pointless.

The ones that annoy me most are the bungee/parachute jumps and Zipwire bollocks. A lot of the time it's a con to get other people to pay for an expensive activity you want to do and has little to do with raising money.

If anyone asks you to sponsor them doing anything expensive, make sure you find out who is paying for the activity.

A few years ago, a woman at work was asking people for money to do a bungee jump. It turned out that the cost of doing the jump came out of the sponsorship money. As the money pledged only just covered the cost of the jump, the charity got almost nothing. She was happy enough. She got her bungee jump paid for. Her colleagues felt very let down when they found out.

What use is a 'school thing' to anyone outside the school? I'd rather sponsor an adult running a marathon than some kid raising money that will never have any benefit for the wider public.

I have read it! Kids, not adults!

Right, so she’s sponsored friends’ kids but shouldn’t expect same friends to support her Dh?

Like I’ve said, takers…

Or, she has supported some charities. Presumably, the people raising the sponsorship weren't making money from it, the charity was (she's claimed this was the case with her, so I'll assume it's true of the others).

Why do you see sponsoring someone as giving to the person rather than giving to the underlying cause? How can they be "takers" if they passed all the money on?

Is it just all about showing off how much you have raised?

The event is a school thing. The cause could be anything.

Why do you assume "an adult running a marathon" will necessarily be for a cause that is "of benefit to the wider public" and school event won't be?

They’ve not taken money but have taken the OP’s kindness toward sponsoring their kids. Is it difficult to expect that at least some of them would extend same to her/DH?

Everything you are saying indicates that you see this as far more about the people asking for sponsorship than about the causes.

That's why a lot of people don't like the whole thing.

Here's a little thing people can try.

When asked for sponsorship, say "Can you send me the details of the charity; I will have a look at it and give directly if I think it's worthwhile. Sorry, that's what I always do before giving to charity."

Now, I fully understand that people might think "Well, they won't give." It's quite likely I won't. But the cost of sending me the details is zero, and so if the person is genuinely concerned about the cause, sending me the details for the 5% chance I might give is well worth while.

I imagine most people can guess how many sponsorship seekers actually do send me the details in such cases.

That's right. None.

I usually throw something on, how much depends on how close and the cause, if it was a mutual friend with a condition and another mutual friend running I'd be generous.

This is not about the cause - this is about the ego of the dh and the friends who are expected to prop it up.