Friends not sponsoring dh

[Primmyhill]

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

I didn't miss it but didn't comment on that bit particularly. OP is absolutely justified in feeling annoyed that her friends haven't sponsored her husband given that they have asked for and received sponsorship from OP before now.

If you are happy to ask for and receive sponsorship then you'd better be prepared to give that back - and that's whether it's for adults or children. I'm with the OP on that.

My main point though is that activities that require actual funding to enable it to go ahead should have the costs met - all of them - by the people wanting to do the activity. Sponsorship should be after all of those costs have been met so that people are certain that their money is going to the charity concerned.

Those should be banned. What on earth do developing countries need with clueless children visiting to feign 'work'? I won't ever pay to those, whoever they are. Nobody needs that experience... not the children and not the country/community either.

It is beyond arrogant to assume that privileged children with no experience or qualification to do the work, can do it better than the local community themselves.

It seems pretty dodgy - is it some tinpot charity the OP has set up for her husband's lycra adventures?

So if 100 people sponsor my child for a charity say $5 each then I have to sponsor those 100 people back at $500 cost to myself. You realise the parents of the child aren't keeping the money?

It's not really about the money or sponsorship, it's about the friendship and being both ways. Friends will understand if you say you're sorry but you're maxed out on giving this year as there have been a lot of requests. To just ignore it though, can make someone feel like all the friendship is one sided. If you can't give to friends, maybe don't also ask friends to give to you?

Can't say I have 100 friends that would ask for sponsorship though, so that's a bit easier.

He’s trying to raise money for research into MND, one of the nastiest incurable diagnoses anyone can get. You might not want to sponsor or like the idea of sponsorship but there’s no need to be so mean

I've drawn the line at sponsoring. Have friends with form in this area- all their mates do the contributing, they get the tax break (30% - do they donate that back I wonder?) and the kudos. Plus there's also a % taken by the sponsoring page (Just Giving et al). I have my own well researched , preferred charities.

If you canvas sponsors for your child then yes, you owe it to the sponsors to return the favour. Otherwise, don't ask for other people to give sponsorship to your child, pay it yourself/ask your family - not the general public.

OP isn't wrong about the sponsorship being a one-way street for some people.

I'm not being mean at all. I lost my BIL to MND 2 years ago so I'm well aware jist how horrendous the beast is and I actively support MND charities. What I'm questioning is how the OP said she would know if people gave directly to the charity? How would she have that information.

I'd never considered giving to charity to be a two-way street. I think people are getting their egos caught up in this which is supposed to be about a charity not their own tally.

Feeling very sorry for you- you've copped a fairly undeserved pasting here. Personally ( as said elsewhere) I never give to sponsored things for all the reasons here, and as the donations are usually whittled away in costs. I have my charities and support them to the hilt. However, you have been touched up for donations and , i think could expect reciprocation. But I'd only be asking those who have hit me up in the past.

Dead right. Its a show put on to justify whatever small % of the funds raised go to the actual cause.

That's fine. Don't ask people to sponsor you/your children and there's no issue.

So many people are giving to charity, they don't need this additional bullshit. I will make a point now of never sponsoring anybody for anything.

Hi OP. Don't forget this is AIBU where most posters are the type to take issue with a blank wall. Most people don't have any particular opinion either way, so they won't bother posting.

I think probably people will contribute nearer to the time. Don't overthink this. It's like parking tickets. People pay at the last minute.

Having said this, some men are annoying about things like long cycling rides and marathons etc. it gets worse with age, I find. I've had to raise this very issue with my own DH to be honest. When they are doing the next 1,000 mile bike ride, or climbing whatever mountain, they can be prone to talking about it in highly virtuous tones and this can be irritating, especially at dinner parties.

I know of a group of certain individuals who fly places on a private jet under the 'charity guise' of doing increasingly ridiculous and dangerous 'challenges.' My take in this is - well, just give the money to the charity yourselves! You hanging off a sheer cliff or cycling across Australia actually does nobody any favours. No. It's all about you and I can't be doing with it. Just call it what it is.

But hopefully your DH is not like this.

Fundraisers may not, but the salaries taken b y charity executives are quite the eye opener

I think lots of us haven’t missed the point at all. We can, and many of us do, donate to charity. Sponsorship feels like being guilted, or embarrassed into giving money in addition to our own chosen charitable donations. I don’t like being psychologically strong armed into giving money.

Well from most of the replies I think there are a lot of mean spirited people on here.i had similar responses from my friends...or should I say no response. The money raised goes to charity not to pay for your DH to do the event I presume?
For the record you are not being unreasonable!

Oh dear one of life's lessons... not everyone sees things the same as you and you changing your ways won't change them.
It's hard I know particularly when it's important to you. Can you look down other avenues for a bit of sponsorship? Good luck.

Oh that is simply brutal. Have you thought the cause may well be something very personal to said adult.' Get over 'themselves indeed.

I doubt I’d sponsor a grown ass Man unless it was a cause I valued. I give to the charities I value and I don’t base it on how hard the challenge is. If someone parachute jumps and is scared of heights well that’s just dumb don’t torture yourself. If you climb Everest I’m more ashamed for you than I pressed. I’d probably donate to a Sherpa charity instead.

Or they do it because they hear of the event, realise it fits with their skills and/or hobby, so decide it's an opportunity to use that to raise some money for the charity.

I wouldn't seek out charity events to participate in but, if I heard of one and knew I had something to give in my skill set, I might think about doing it to make a contribution.

An example is something I am good at. A charity wanted specific types of items for auction or sale. It cost me quite a bit to produce the item (no-one else contributed or was asked to), yes I got pats on the back because the item was pretty cool, if I do say so myself. I saw it as an opportunity to do something I enjoy and make a contribution. OK, so it wasn't asking for sponsorship, it was me donating, but I had fun doing it and didn't do it for the recognition.

Maybe if I couldn't have afforded to donate the item I could have asked people if they would mind chipping in a small amount towards materials, but all the work would be mine and the charity would have got the ultimate benefit. Does it matter if I got a bit of fun on the side making it?

I’d send out another message plus pop a message and go fund me link on Facebook saying As many know, our friend Jack has been diagnosed with MND, this is a terrible disease which there is currently no cure for, research is not government funded and my DH Dave is sky diving to raise much needed funds to research better treatment or hopefully one day a cure… please give whatever you can afford as every £ counts, and if everyone donated even £5 we’d raise £cc’d….. I would then repost the link and write up each time someone donates thanking them!
Ask a family member to donate and thank them on social media….. it reminds people.. and once one person donates others tend to follow

So unbelievably pushy. He has already done this twice and it’s been tumbleweed,, you want him to go through the public humiliation for a third time?!

It's not a sponsorship request, it's - I've chosen to do this but it's going to cost 3K. Please can you help me raise the funds for whatever charity so I can do this without paying a penny please. Thank you.

You're saying that because you caved and supported them once, you're obliged to keep on doing it forever?