Page 7 | DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

Summatoruvva · 2025-03-02T11:48:06+00:00

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc. He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it. Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am. I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there. Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

XiCi · 02/03/2025 13:17

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:14

The world would be incredibly dull if we were all exactly the same.

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Exactly. The people that bang on about getting up early usually go to bed the same time as a small child . I'd rather enjoy my evenings and have a lie in at the weekends thanks

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:18

Waterlilysunset · 02/03/2025 13:17

It’s actually not good for your health to deviate too much from your normal sleep pattern on weekends. It’s much better for your body to have a rough wake up time eg 7:30am every day regardless of day of the week. Sleeping in for hours past your usual wake up confuses the body and puts it out of sync with your normal weekday wake time.

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Not everything in life has to be about doing the right thing for your health! People are allowed to do things they enjoy that aren't necessarily good for them sometimes...

Sunglow1921 · 02/03/2025 13:18

Summatoruvva · 02/03/2025 12:03

Thank you. I am feeling conflicted with a tinge of guilt. I honestly was trying to be quiet. He was awake when I got out of bed and he never nods back off. Unless I’m ill I don’t really lie in because youngest is up crack of dawn.
I am generally resentful/overwhelmed about the housework and rarely get that spring into action feeling.

It sounds like this is a symptom of a bigger problem. You do most of the house work so you’re resentful when your dh gets another relaxing lie-in. I used to feel like you do when my dh would lounge on the sofa while I was cooking. So instead of arguing, when I was feeling resentful, I would sit with him and watch TV. We sometimes have omelet for dinner instead of roast chicken, but as long as he doesn’t complain, I’m fine with it. If he starts to complain, I’ll tell him to get cooking.

You should try this. Go lie in bed next to him, sleep, read a book or whatever. Then, he can do the dishes while you make breakfast. What is he reasonably going to complain about? That you didn’t get up early to do the washing up?

AgnesX · 02/03/2025 13:18

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:16

Some people just enjoy sleep. You're not superior because you don't.

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Have a hangover today have we. An attack of the Sunday snots?? How do you read " superior" from a two line post 🙄

Stop extrapolating.

Nogoodusername · 02/03/2025 13:19

Does one of you need to get up with your younger child? If you do, then lie ins need to be alternated. If not, I wouldn’t care when DH surfaces and leave him undisturbed. My children are 11 and 15 - no one has needed to get up with them for years! But dog needs letting out so we alternate this now

medusawashere · 02/03/2025 13:20

876543A · 02/03/2025 13:17

I learned some time ago that "lie-ins" are actually not that great once you have a family. They just breed resentment and silly arguments. I think in general things work best in our family when everyone is doing a similar thing at a similar time i.e. eating together, washing together, relaxing together...the rhythm of the day flows better.

We ensure neither of us is so overtired that they "need" a lie in by going to bed at 9pm each night. I make the early morning itself enjoyable for everyone - nice coffee, good things in the house for breakfast, favourite toys set up the night before so DD can just crack on and amuse herself as soon as she's up, bit of background music on, a load of washing in and dishwasher on first job so we all feel on top of things...and we all just start the day together, even if its early. It means we often get up and out of the house early on a weekend which is good because less traffic / queues / crowds and we have some good adventures. I like all being together at the weekends. If one person is sleeping and everyone else is awake it just makes the day disjointed I feel and no one is on the same page, and its hard to make the most of the day.

If that's an agreed upon premise that works for you, great. If it's something you've imposed, not so great. Does your DP/DH agree this is the best thing?

Do you allow for the odd change to this if someone's having a particularly tough week?

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:20

We ensure neither of us is so overtired that they "need" a lie in by going to bed at 9pm each night.

But that doesn't make you superior to someone who prefers to stay up until midnight and wake up at 9am @876543A

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:21

AgnesX · 02/03/2025 13:18

Have a hangover today have we. An attack of the Sunday snots?? How do you read " superior" from a two line post 🙄

Stop extrapolating.

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I'm tee-total so nope, not hangover here

Your posts are all about how you don't understand how anyone could possibly want to sleep longer than necessary. It's a bit weird tbh.

Pigeonqueen · 02/03/2025 13:21

876543A · 02/03/2025 13:17

I learned some time ago that "lie-ins" are actually not that great once you have a family. They just breed resentment and silly arguments. I think in general things work best in our family when everyone is doing a similar thing at a similar time i.e. eating together, washing together, relaxing together...the rhythm of the day flows better.

We ensure neither of us is so overtired that they "need" a lie in by going to bed at 9pm each night. I make the early morning itself enjoyable for everyone - nice coffee, good things in the house for breakfast, favourite toys set up the night before so DD can just crack on and amuse herself as soon as she's up, bit of background music on, a load of washing in and dishwasher on first job so we all feel on top of things...and we all just start the day together, even if its early. It means we often get up and out of the house early on a weekend which is good because less traffic / queues / crowds and we have some good adventures. I like all being together at the weekends. If one person is sleeping and everyone else is awake it just makes the day disjointed I feel and no one is on the same page, and its hard to make the most of the day.

We used to be exactly like this when dc were small. But as they’ve got older (now 22 - admittedly she’s at university now - and 13) it just doesn’t work anymore. And that’s fine. Things change. Ds rolled out of bed at 11.30 today after being up till 10.30 playing with his friends on his Xbox! I got up at 7am to feed the needy cat and dh got up at 9am. When dc are little I think it’s a whole different ball game because someone has to be up with them and that’s where it gets resentful.

Drapeduboeuf · 02/03/2025 13:21

Just because he wfh doesn’t mean he’s not tired. He does his bit on a Saturday, so why not have a lion.

876543A · 02/03/2025 13:22

medusawashere · 02/03/2025 13:20

If that's an agreed upon premise that works for you, great. If it's something you've imposed, not so great. Does your DP/DH agree this is the best thing?

Do you allow for the odd change to this if someone's having a particularly tough week?

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I've definitely not imposed it. DP is the early riser - he gets up at 4.45am everyday for work in the week and naturally wakes up early. We're both morning people. If either of us is particularly knackered or ill then we have an afternoon nap usually.

medusawashere · 02/03/2025 13:22

I love getting up early. I also love the odd weekend lie in. Sometimes the body wants what the body wants.

876543A · 02/03/2025 13:23

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:20

We ensure neither of us is so overtired that they "need" a lie in by going to bed at 9pm each night.

But that doesn't make you superior to someone who prefers to stay up until midnight and wake up at 9am @876543A

I don't think I'm superior...I don't know how you got that out of what I wrote. I've just said what works for our house.

medusawashere · 02/03/2025 13:23

876543A · 02/03/2025 13:22

I've definitely not imposed it. DP is the early riser - he gets up at 4.45am everyday for work in the week and naturally wakes up early. We're both morning people. If either of us is particularly knackered or ill then we have an afternoon nap usually.

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I'm happy you have a solution that works for you all in that case :) every family is different and runs on their own steam.

We got up at 9 this morning, but that's because I'm a singer (sadly not full time) and got in at 3am! 6am for work tomorrow.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:24

876543A · 02/03/2025 13:23

I don't think I'm superior...I don't know how you got that out of what I wrote. I've just said what works for our house.

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Just the general tone of your post and your opinion of lie-ins, I guess.

AgnesX · 02/03/2025 13:25

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:21

I'm tee-total so nope, not hangover here

Your posts are all about how you don't understand how anyone could possibly want to sleep longer than necessary. It's a bit weird tbh.

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Your interpretation is equally odd.

GoingOverToTheDarkSide · 02/03/2025 13:26

The answer entirely depends on whether on Saturdays he silently gets your son ready and out for football practice and leaves you to sleep undisturbed…

(I’m going to hazard a wild and crazy guess that’s not the case!)

OneTwinklyPlumBeaker · 02/03/2025 13:26

I'm up most mornings between 5 and 6, make a cup of tea, empty the dishwasher, put the vacuum round. My DH just sleeps through it. 8.15 is hardly early on a Sunday.

MargaretThursday · 02/03/2025 13:26

Assuming you get a lie in on Saturday, that that seems fair to let him lie in.

Some people are morning people (ds is up at the dot of 7am unless he's ill and has been since he was a baby and he's now 17yo so I can't see that changing).
Some people aren't: Dd1 didn't get up by choice before 8:30 even as a baby.

When the children were little I found dh very frustrating in the morning. If it was his turn to get up, I normally had to prod him a few times. I'd just be getting back to sleep having been thoroughly woken up when he'd appear to suggest we had a nice day out together or similar.
Whereas when it was his turn, I could get all three children dressed and out without disturbing him at all. He never thought of getting up for a "nice day out" when it was his turn for a lie in!
The upside was if they were sick in the night, or when older they needed lifts at 4am to a school trip etc. then he was pretty good.

He's now (children are older) finding it frustrating that I find it difficult to lie in beyond 10am when he'd like to have a cuddly time in bed. But I can't. I've got up for the last 24 years with them, or been disturbed enough to not really sleep in. So my body clock has changed to go to bed early, and get up early, although I do know I am far better if I get up after 8am than before.

CurbsideProphet · 02/03/2025 13:27

I couldn't be bothered with moaning about being the most tired, who has what lie in. Things need doing in the house and unless you're up at 5am hoovering with the radio and TV blaring I can't see what the issue is, especially as he was already awake.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/03/2025 13:27

I got up at half 10 yesterday then spent ages in the shower and washing my hair. We’ve got 1 and 5 year olds. DH had his lie in this morning. Nothing wrong with resting. Lie ins are great and we both respect that when we don’t have stuff to rush out for.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 13:28

OneTwinklyPlumBeaker · 02/03/2025 13:26

I'm up most mornings between 5 and 6, make a cup of tea, empty the dishwasher, put the vacuum round. My DH just sleeps through it. 8.15 is hardly early on a Sunday.

8.15 is early by most people's standards, and I'm often up at that time through choice.

Turnups · 02/03/2025 13:28

ThePartingOfTheWays · 02/03/2025 12:59

It's a huge, whopping great double standard.

Washing dishes and pans inherently makes a noise. It isn't a silent process. You've repeatedly referred to crashing around doing them, meaning it's not about the podcast but the act of washing them. Unless you're going to tell us why doing them at 2am automatically makes less noise than at 8am, which you're not because it doesn't, you're saying it's fine for DH to do them when at least three people are in bed, but not for OP to do them when at least two people are up.

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Everything @biscuitsandbooks has said is completely logical.

You're just arguing for the sake of it.

TemporaryPosition · 02/03/2025 13:29

ghqpabks · 02/03/2025 11:55

Mostly team husband here, weekend lie ins are coveted here and I would not be impressed if DH "sprung out of bed" at 8.15 and proceeded to make a lot of noise like unnecessarily putting music/radio on. You should be more considerate of the noise you make, IMO.

Why can't people wear earplugs

Simplelobsterhat · 02/03/2025 13:31

I thought to most people who have kids and jobs 8.25- 9 IS a lie in.

Although perhaps we differ in what we think the 'crack of dawn' is if you say youngest gets up at crack of dawn so you never get a lie in, but you got up at 8.15 today and dh was still in bed?

DH sounds like he is being very sensitive/ precious. I naturally wake earlier then my DH but he never complained about me doing basic things like washing up or collecting washing from a basket. If the bedroom door was closed and he was sleeping he wouldn't notice I don't think. If he wasn't sleeping then what does a little background noise matter anyway. If I'm awake but don't need to be up, which sounds like the case here, I might stay in bed later reading / looking at my phone etc, and call that a lie in, but I don't need silence for that!

I think if there is nothing specific that needs doing it is fair enough for him to want to stay in bed and have a lie in, but it's not fair enough to expect the rest of the household to hold off doing normal things or be silent past 8am. I feel quite claustrophobic/ controlled at the thought of it. He can close the door and ignore you surely.