My wife is very jealous of me

[Herpassions]

I am male, I hope it is okay to post here.

We have young children, leaving her is not an option I want to consider right now.

The jealousy is not about other women, she knows I’m faithful. It is that I have had a more privileged background, she thinks I have led a charmed life, that is not true, she just can’t see clearly I think.

My wife has been far worse since the birth of our second child, but the problem was there before, since about a year after we got together. Maybe it didn’t get worse, it might be the stresses of a baby have left her less able to keep it under wraps.

She is unhappy about anything nice that happens to me. She hates that I earn more than her, although I use my income to support our family. She hates that I have a good relationship with my parents. She doesn’t like that I go to the gym and keep myself fit when she has not been able before children to like the idea of working out. She doesn’t like me buying nice clothes or toiletries, she believes I am outshining her, I am just taking care of myself to a reasonable standard, nothing too crazy, and she knows she has the same amount of disposable income to do what she wants. She especially hates me socialising, not that I have since the baby was born anyway.

She has had therapy, it does not seem to have made the blindest bit of difference, perhaps things were even worse, I’m not even sure she used that time to talk about this particular issue, she is not very obviously remorseful about it. Seems to think it’s not that big.

I know she loves me and is a good mother. What can we do to get over this? We have a lovely little family and I don’t want to give up on us.

Why is she jealous to the detriment of how our family works as a whole, I don’t know what all this is about. I haven’t heard of a woman jealous of her own husband in this way. I’m at a loss what to do next.

I would say she has self esteem issues. After having children it’s easy to feel like your identity is lost.
Your successes (whilst perfectly normal) are probably magnified to her and because you are closest to her she takes it out on you.
I’m not saying it’s ok to do this to you but it probably won’t be an easy, overnight fix.
I can see you mention that she is breastfeeding so her hormones are probably all over the place too so they won’t be helping her to think rationally either.
I think you need to try and help her ride out this wave, tell her you are trying to see things from her point of view and ask what might help day to day which might help to improve her mindset over time.
Obviously, you also need support yourself so make sure you look after yourself too.

Poor woman I feel for her . I bet she loved hearing about your dog whispering antics.

Can you afford to pay for a session of private counselling (e.g through Bupa and do a search of the therapists to see who specialises in relationships etc)? I’d use the session to tell them what you’re posting here and to see what the therapist suggests. I had a truly dreadful childhood and I’m never jealous of my partner - you are absolutely right to think something is very wrong and can’t continue as it is.

Are you sure she isn't just pissed off with you. It can often be mistaken for jealousy.
Could be she is just sick of you indulging yourself, doing what you want and having the career she would have wanted had she not had to look after your children.
Your life would be very hard and different if she wasn't there and you had to manage your career home life and kids on your own.

I’d agree with this now based on the last post. Yikes.

You may do a lot but is she the default parent? Do you get to check out from things whereas she is the one that plans, organises and holds it all together? Or is it that you could spend time with her rather than at the gym?

This is a good idea. OP's described a complex situation - there's more going on than run-of-the-mill baby frustration. Having two little children will highlight and exacerbate any existing issues, it doesn't create them

The difference between a few hours with a relevantly experienced professional and Mumsnet or your friends is that it's a focused, informed, two-way conversation in which the professional has no axe to grind. It should really help you get clarity and perceive the various paths available to you.

"Dog whispering" 😂 I read this as some poor sod being grateful for a bit of unconditional appreciation, nothing worse!

Actually, this will be why I suddenly recalled a tiny incident from my past after reading this post. I had one of those husbands who's horrible at home, but everybody else's best friend. I realised how badly he'd undermined me when the landlady of his local referred to me as his lovely wife. Managing with some difficulty not to climb over the bar and hug her in tears of gratitude, I wailed "I am a lovely wife, aren't I? Thank you!"

A friendly dog's even better than a nice landlady when you feel like no fucker gets you.

This nails it. The op's wording is so off. He's writing a script. feel for his wife and kids.

I see you.

Do this poor woman a favour and hop it. How can you talk so dispassionately about your wife as if she needs picking apart? - deep down you despise her. She deserves better.

Did you miss the part where she frequently says horrible things to OP?

The ego has landed.

There's something off about this post/poster. The phrasing, the choice to air the problem on Mumsnet to shame the mother of his child in front of other mums, to ask women to do the emotional labour/pamper him by stating how terrible she sounds, the lack of empathy, the unwillingness to even mention he may not be perfect. I'm sure she would tell a very different story. I hope she's ok.

Yeh heeee gone
If he was ever real!
Perhaps he's being hounded by all the dogs who find OP so great to be around😏
Like a reverse pied piper

I’m assuming he was bot.

That wasn’t the point, duh