To not go to the funeral

[LoveFridaynight]

It's my mum's funeral on Thursday. I don't want to go. Together with my siblings we've done everything but I don't want to go.
I love my mum was incredibly close to her all through my life. but I can't bear the thought of saying goodbye. DH says it's up to me but he thinks I'll regret it if I don't go. My eldest is reading a poem so I would like to support her but at the same time my selfish side says stay home.
AIBU to want to skip it? Do you think I'll regret it if I don't go?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely Mum. I think you should go, better to go and be upset than not go and regret it. And also possibly be upset while it is happening if you aren’t there.

Sending hugs

Go OP. You’ll regret it forever if you don’t.

It's absolutely up to you and your choice. You honoured your Mum every day of your life and were close. She's no longer there and, if she could talk to you now I'm imagining that she'd be reassuring you not to go if you don't want to.

There's no such thing as 'paying respects' once people are dead. They aren't there to receive them.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum. ]

Go, but sit at the back so you can come in last/leave early?

If you don't go it's not ever something you can undo

The worst has already happened. What is left to undo exactly?

Yup

You can always leave early if it's too much for you - but you can't change things if you realise afterwards that you needed to go.

I'd want to go to support my DD if for no other reason. What will you do at home alone whilst the funeral is taking place?

I get it, by the way. I lost both parents relatively young and being the next of kin puts you in the spotlight to a certain extent, which is why I suggested sitting at the back so you can slip in/out for as much or little as you want.

You’ll regret it.

You should go. You’ll regret if you don’t. I’m sorry that you’ve lost your Mother.

This isn’t something you can undo. At the very least put your feelings aside so you can support your DC, this will be hard for them too. I am sorry for your loss, it’s hard. Take care.

Go and if you need to go outside for some air x

I went to my mum ,s funeral a few days ago it was very hard and emotional but I'm very glad I went
You will feel sad and will probably cry but that's fine your grieving.

Please go. It's tough, but very cathartic. You need to say goodbye. You'll have loved ones to support you.
All the best.

I always found it more final going to a funeral it's a last goodbye there are people whose funeral I never attended one who had a direct cremation both of those I've struggled to move on from because I've not "said goodbye" as such it's a ritual you can't do later unfortunately

I.think you should go

Funerals of parents are awful but after the service, when you all have time to talk, it's lovely to hear how much others loved your Mum. You hear stories you never knew.

I don't think you will regret it as such, but people are funny about funerals and it may affect your relationships with your siblings/ wider family if you don't go.

Personally I think people should be able to grieve and say their goodbyes in a way that works for them, but most people don't feel the same way and will see it as a snub.

I'm sorry about your mum.
I was absolutely DREADING my mums funeral. I felt sick about it. The service passed in an absolute haze, and I don't remember much about the day, but what I do remember is feeling glad that I went and that I felt a sort of relief when it was done.

Afterwards, the sombreness lifted a bit and there was a lovely buzz of chatter at the wake and old friends of my parents catching up. People I had known for a long time said nice things to me.

It's up to you of course, and you must do what you feel is right for you. Take care x

You need to go. Or you'll always regret it. And your eldest will appreciate you being there. I say this with it being my Dad's funeral next Friday. Take care

Go to support your family and so they can support you. Hiding at home is not going to make the bad feelings go away. But being with others who care can help a bit.

I agree with this. People should be able to choose whether they attend funerals. They are not cathartic to everyone. I really wish I didn't go to my sister's funeral but of course I needed to because of my parents. It was awful and it didn't help, the gathering afterwards was awful and I just remember the relief of being able to leave.

It’s my mum’s on Friday, so I understand what you’re going through.

I’m going because I think it’s a rite of passage, to support my children who are reading.

I think sometimes just pacing through the rituals means that you can move to a mourning space.

I think you might regret not going.

I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday, whatever you decide.

I'm sorry to read of all the losses on this thread. Mums are a particularly hard jolt.