To not go to the funeral

[LoveFridaynight]

It's my mum's funeral on Thursday. I don't want to go. Together with my siblings we've done everything but I don't want to go.
I love my mum was incredibly close to her all through my life. but I can't bear the thought of saying goodbye. DH says it's up to me but he thinks I'll regret it if I don't go. My eldest is reading a poem so I would like to support her but at the same time my selfish side says stay home.
AIBU to want to skip it? Do you think I'll regret it if I don't go?

It's my son's funeral on Thursday, I'm dreading it but will feel far worse if I don't attend.

My Mum died of Covid in early lockdown and at the time we were actually advised to not attend ( various reasons ) but to have her cremated and have a service at a later date that we could all go to.
That was nearly four years ago now and one of my biggest regrets that I wasn’t there at the very end, it’s like the finale and to me it’s still ongoing, hard to describe exactly how I feel but if I could have that time again I would find a way to go.

What a disgusting interpretation. Losing a child is the very worst thing that can happen to anyone. I can’t believe your dh said it was attention seeking wtf!!!

I am so sorry 😔

I can't imagine the pain you're going through, sincere condolences.

The funeral will be hard. It will also give you a chance to focus your grief. One day of intense grieving won’t make the pain go away. That day will be a way for you to feel permission to start moving on.

when I attended my first funeral, I was warned that by the end of the day people would be laughing and smiling. This was absolutely true. They were sharing happy stories of the deceased. They were sharing stories of family. The ritual of the funeral helps us start to think not just about what we have lost, but what we still have, the memories and the love.

you will still cry on subsequent days and months. It isn’t an instant cure, but it helps.

You will regret it if you don't go and there's no second chance

On the other hand, funerals and wakes are more for the living than the dead. Shared grief, mutual support.

Hate funerals, don’t usually go. In these particular circumstances though, I’d really try, to support my eldest. Then go straight home.

Very sorry for your loss.

You won't regret going.
You may very well regret not going.

Sorry for your loss but you need to go. It will be awful whether you're there or not. Go and start the process of healing. You can do this.

Both my parents funerals were traumatic for different reasons but there is no way I would have missed their final send offs. The tributes to their lives, the blessings and the final goodbye.

Your mum's funeral will be hard, but you should go.

I think you should go.
My Dad died when I was 33 and I have many painful memories of his death none of which, however, are of his funeral.
It was the hardest day of my life but I look back now satisfied that I tried to give him a good send off.
I know how much your head is spinning right now and I know how heartbroken you are.
If you go, you can take breaks and leave as soon as you feel you have done enough.
💐 ♥️

So sorry for the loss of your mum. Mums are special.

I do think if you don't go to the funeral you will regret it.

I think 100% you will regret it forever if you don’t go. Funerals are an important ritual that help us to process the death and publicly recognise the loss, as a really important part of the grieving process. Would your mother have gone to your funeral if it had been the other way round?

Funerals can be cathartic and comforting as you share the grief with other loved ones and people who will be there to support your family and honour your mother. If you really find it unbearable once it is underway, you can always slip away, but I really encourage you to go. Take care of yourself.

I am so very sorry 💐♥️ xxx

So very sorry for your loss. I dreaded my parents' funerals, but they were actually incredibly comforting. I was surrounded by people who loved them, who had lovely memories and stories, many of which I'd never heard before, and I know I would have regretted it if I hadn't been there.

I'm so sorry no one should have to lose a child

Do what suits you at the time. You can say goodbye when you're ready. There's a high chance you'll regret it.

Sorry for your loss

That's right. OP is living. She is the closest relative to her mother and she has the absolute choice of whether to go or not.

I'm disgusted at the posters telling the OP that she must go. What a way to behave.

I'm so very sorry. Wishing you strength. Xxx

Thank you for the replies and I'm sorry for those of you who are also going through something similar.
I am thinking of maybe going to the service and then deciding whether or not to go home after.
I think my siblings would be upset if I didn't go but I don't know if they'd actually say anything. I know not going won't change anything or bring my mum back I'm just struggling to accept I won't see her again. I just feel so heartbroken and lost.

The actual day might not be as bad as you anticipate op....in the kindest possible way, whether you attend the funeral or not won't change the fact you've lost your mum. No one really enjoys funerals...they're tough days but there's a reason we have them. Acceptance, remembrance... sometimes it's quite comforting to get together with other people.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
i would encourage you to go, I felt a sense of relief/peace/closure after my Dads funeral.
I understand that even the idea of it is awful, but you may struggle to process your loss if you don’t go. I felt much better afterwards, I promise. You can support each other and do whatever it takes to get through it. Take care x

It was my dads on Thursday and I absolutely dreaded it, if I had been given a choice beforehand I would’ve under have stayed at home however I went and it was such a perfect day and seeing family and friends who I had lost touch with was great, the day went really well and he would have been proud of the send off he had, I have felt a massive sense of comfort and closure and I wouldn’t feel this if I hadn’t gone.
go and give your mum a good send off you won’t regret it xx