Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

[rubberduck68]

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

Excellent! Now stick to your guns.

@rubberduck68

100% this! ⬆️

How fucking rude!! Who does she think she is?? I wonder if she comes back to your house because her own parents won't put up with it?!

This!
Talk about a false sense of entitlement!!
It's your house...your rules IMO!

No mother should be outnumbered in her own home.

For them to do something like this is tantamount to aggressive behaviour and you must make them stop.

They go through an adult version of the terrible twos and attempting to see how far they can go before you crack. Don't let it go that far.

Firstly I would be saying that if he doesn’t like my rules he can move out.
secondly I would not be attending anymore of these “house meetings”.

its your house, he isn’t paying you any rent,they get no say I’m afraid.

Make as much noise as you can if he doesn’t this again . Stand outside his room banging a wooden spoon in a pan, put music he hates on really loud. Go in and open his curtains - basically make it impossible for him to stay asleep.

Innit) I don’t understand why she doesn’t just stay over on the night’s she’s not working

To put a different spin on this, my son and his girlfriend used to do this. My husband thought I was mad as I would get up and have a cup of tea with them and catch up on their day. My son was killed 7 years ago and I wish I could just have one more of those middle of the night chats with him, the house is too quiet now. Please enjoy your children, warts and all, u never know how long u have them for x

You are not being unreasonable- people who work hours like this have to live alone or make a real effort not to wake anyone up. This girl is not your child and she doesn't have to work in a nightclub. Do not rise to the bait of your son saying you re not understanding- why should you be? Regularly not sleeping well has huge health implications- this girl will be earning top dollar for working those kind of hours- what's your motivation to risk huge health implications?

The limited lifespan of your loved ones does not mean you should have to tolerate any unnecesary negative externalised costs from them. Even more so in this case where the request is if you are coming in during the small hours, please keep the noise to a minimum, which is an easy request to follow.

She's at work, it's not like she's just turning up at your home at 3am because she wants to. If they're being really noisy then yeah they'll have to cut that out. Are they though? Is it unreasonable noise? Or are you just overly sensitive because you no longer want them living there? It's hard to decide on this without the other side to the story.

No more sleepovers.
The cheek of her to start saying "you don't like me" well love you're making yourself very UNLIKEABLE to your future potential MIL turning up in the small hours being noisy! I would have never dreamed of being this disrespectful to a boyfriends parents (or even my own it was creep in as quietly as possible!). She can go be noisy in her student digs.

As they have stated they are now adults so if they don't like the rules then leave and then they can do what they like in their own home.

Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her

Erm, what?!

Take his key off him and tell him that if he's not home by midnight he sleeps somewhere else.

If he wants to be treated like an adult he has to behave like one.

When my now ex husband I stayed with my parents, I came in totally blitzed and being very noisy. I got told off for it next morning as my dad was up for work and getting my brother and sister up for school. I never disregard my parents 'rules' they set. If I wanted my boyfriend to stay we had to remember there were other people to think about not just us.

I think you need to start hoovering outside their bedroom door and playing loud music at 7am.

Virtually this whole page is posters who haven't read the OP's successful update!

I did actually read it but wanted to throw my two pennorth worth in anyway 😂

Stand firm op. Keep the boundaries in place.

The second you get disrespected again in YOUR home, ban the two off them

What!? That should have been your cue to get a bucket of cold water and chuck it over him!
This is all happening because you are allowing it.
Woman up, as they say. Your house, your rules. No more messing about. Final warning, then they’re both out. Ungrateful brats. Take back control!

Entitlement is the name of their game but you don't have to play it. Your house, your shout.

I’d say this too. She doesn’t live with you, she can go to her own house those nights. And if they don’t like it and are telling you can’t give curfews because they’re adults then it’s time to find their own place.

Oh ffs.

She has her own home. There is zero reason they can't hang out there.

Of course she’s turning up after work because she wants to! If she didn’t want to she’d go to her own home. Any amount of noise that wakes someone up in the early hours is an unreasonable amount of noise, if they weren’t making any noise Op would still be sleeping and there’d be no issue.

Suck it up they'll be gone soon it seems. Does it really matter that much? A few more sleepless nights won't make that much difference will they? And we are not talking about children here. Sorry