Fuming with SIL

[Potkettlepea]

So yesterday my DH and our two DD went around to my MILs (SIL lives there has no children.) When we arrived everything was good, they had just finished eating dinner and had made a cuppa, so I went into the kitchen to make one for me and DH. Everything was fine until my eldest daughter (aged 2) dropped a date on the carpet to which she was told by her dad to pick it up and to be careful. SIL snaps "she's going to make a mess" gets up and walks into the other room.
For context - I am very aware of the mess young kids can make so I ALWAYS clean u after them and correct their behaviour when at our own home and more so at somebody else's.
Anyway she came back in and had an obvious cob on. She went into the kitchen to wash the dishes and my eldest followed her. When they came back in she had got DD a little glass of water. DD was trying to climb on the pouffe to sit to drink her water all while SIL was holding the water. As she's climbing up SIL says "do you want your water DD says yes and is still climbing on the pouffe SIL asks her again within seconds DD doesn't reply as she's still trying to climb on the pouffe. SIL swings open the kitchen door and puts the water on the counter. DD gets on the pouffe and asks where the water is, SIL ignores her. DD asks again and was ignored. She asks about 3rd time to which SIL says "did you want it you didn't answer me" then storms back into the kitchen to get the water and gives her it. DD drinks the water and then tries to give her it to put high up so that her younger sister can't reach it. SIL says just put it next to the TV so you can reach it bla bla bla.
Just to add - i didn't interject at any point because I wanted to see how the situation panned out and to see how SIL behaves with my kids when she thinks nobody is listening/watching.

DH was speaking to his mum so didn't hear any of this.

Anyway I was obviously fuming, I've woke up this morning fuming even more. So my question is going forward what do I do? In all honesty I don't want to go to someone's house who treat my kids as an inconvenience and IMO are just rude to them, on the other hand I want a similar situation to happen so I am in a position to interject so SIL knows I know how she can be with my kids.

WWUD in this situation?
AIBU - Yes your a touchy mum
YANBU - I'd be fuming too

Sister in law sounds like a narcissist. I wouldn't ever leave her with my child.

Eh?
No she doesn't she sounds like a knackered teacher who doesn't want to wait on a 2 year old while its mother watches

What a complete and utter non-event. Blimey OP you need to get out more!

🥊

You clearly are not parenting or watching your child if she’s just wondering off following sil. Who’s watching her then in the kitchen? Not you or dh.

Who was getting her water? Not you or dh.

Did you even check it was ok to visit at that time? Rather than just appearing after they had, had dinner a time most people decide up unwind and relax rather than having two under two descend.

You don’t like how she talks to the older. Is she mean or is she just one of the authoritative type teachers you know the ones who can actually get a class to sit down stfu and do their work and learn something.

You clearly don’t like her and despite your protests you don’t parent your child fully when there you do use it as time to relax more otherwise she wouldn’t of been with sil alone asking for drinks at all.

Based on what? No, not everyone who is slightly impatient with unexpected child visitors after a long work day is a narcissist. What a bizarre thing to say.

How is she a narcissist. Please explain .

So you ALWAYS clean up your kids mess as you say . But in this case you didn’t clean up the date . Your husband told the 2 year old to clean it . That’s why sil probably had a face on . I think you’re acting too precious. Sitting there watching and listening so you can judge her on any reaction you don’t feel is appropriate. Maybe she can sense your vibes and your beady eye watching for her to trip up .

All of this. It was a completely inappropriate time to visit. Just because a child asked to visit doesn’t make it okay to visit at such a time. It’s up to adults to say ‘no, we can’t go to nanna’s now, it’s too late today’

I also agree. Just finished dinner, still the washing up to do, looking forward to a peaceful evening and a rest and in pops an entire family including two kids 2 yrs and under, I'd have been on the tetchy side too. Fancy taking kids out visiting at what surely must have been 6/7 ish. And unannounced! I don't know anyone who wouldn't be a bit pissed off with that.

Like I've previously said I'm more aware of what my kids are doing in order for them to behave respectfully at other people's houses

Why did you let your 2 year old follow her aunt into the kitchen when you knew
she was going in to do the washing up? Maybe it wasn't even her turn to do the washing up but it was a way to escape for some peace. As a parent who tries to be tuned in to how my children are affecting others, that would have crossed my mind.

Does your DD like her aunt? What does your DH think of her behaviour?

If you are really bothered by it then DH should have a word with his sister to say that he's noticed that she isn't particularly warm and friendly towards her. This might open a conversation as to why SIL is the way she is.

Otherwise just bite your tongue unless something warrants intervention in the moment and don't let her look after your child alone. Not everyone loves being around kids and you can't force someone to be a good aunt just because they're family.

I'd be more annoyed that you clearly didn't want to parent your child! You should have helped your daughter on to the pouffe or taken the water from your SIL.

Not everyone likes small children. You can’t expect everyone to coo over them all the time. You’re clearly overreacting.

You're being ott, borderline ridiculous.

Such a dramtic post after reading the post about the poor lady whose darling son has a brain tumour. I really think you need to gets things into perspective.

Storm in a tea cup! If you carry on at that level you will become a nervous wreck. You deal with things as you deal with them and allow others to do the same. Your children will soon learn about different reactions and how to avoid. SIL is seeing it in black and white! Children don't!

YABU. SIL could probably feel your scorching eyes.
Not everyone is going to pander to your kids. Bet you don't all the time either.

Id be fairly pissed off if my db and sil came over unannounced and I had to entertain their 2 year old and do the dishes whilst they sat about

Thats disappointing from your SIL. Why are you still fuming about it the next day? Is it because you’ve realised not everyone shows warmth and kindness towards children? It is pretty upsetting in my opinion. But some people find kids a pain (forgetting they were once one themselves). Or is it because you’d hoped for a loving relationship between aunty and niece that you cannot see ever happening? Whatever your reason, I would allow yourself to be upset, but then just forget it. It’s good you were present to see this behaviour and it’s just a really good reason not to leave your kids alone with your SIL. You’ll feel much less worried if you’re there as well to supervise. My husband was all for our SIL minding the kids but I had some reservations about her ideas about discipline, and although she hadn’t ever done anything to my child, as a parent you can’t ignore your gut instinct. I think you have to know a person really well to let them mind your toddler, their good and bad side, how they handle stress etc. that’s why I don’t mind my parents looking after my babies because I know they’re good and bad points.

Take note OP - she's been dealing with kids all day and there is no great thrill in dealing with yours. It would have been more sensible of you to help rather than do nothing and criticise.

Agree!

So do I. Very unkind

"Take note OP - she's been dealing with kids all day and there is no great thrill in dealing with yours."

Yep.