Fuming with SIL

[Potkettlepea]

So yesterday my DH and our two DD went around to my MILs (SIL lives there has no children.) When we arrived everything was good, they had just finished eating dinner and had made a cuppa, so I went into the kitchen to make one for me and DH. Everything was fine until my eldest daughter (aged 2) dropped a date on the carpet to which she was told by her dad to pick it up and to be careful. SIL snaps "she's going to make a mess" gets up and walks into the other room.
For context - I am very aware of the mess young kids can make so I ALWAYS clean u after them and correct their behaviour when at our own home and more so at somebody else's.
Anyway she came back in and had an obvious cob on. She went into the kitchen to wash the dishes and my eldest followed her. When they came back in she had got DD a little glass of water. DD was trying to climb on the pouffe to sit to drink her water all while SIL was holding the water. As she's climbing up SIL says "do you want your water DD says yes and is still climbing on the pouffe SIL asks her again within seconds DD doesn't reply as she's still trying to climb on the pouffe. SIL swings open the kitchen door and puts the water on the counter. DD gets on the pouffe and asks where the water is, SIL ignores her. DD asks again and was ignored. She asks about 3rd time to which SIL says "did you want it you didn't answer me" then storms back into the kitchen to get the water and gives her it. DD drinks the water and then tries to give her it to put high up so that her younger sister can't reach it. SIL says just put it next to the TV so you can reach it bla bla bla.
Just to add - i didn't interject at any point because I wanted to see how the situation panned out and to see how SIL behaves with my kids when she thinks nobody is listening/watching.

DH was speaking to his mum so didn't hear any of this.

Anyway I was obviously fuming, I've woke up this morning fuming even more. So my question is going forward what do I do? In all honesty I don't want to go to someone's house who treat my kids as an inconvenience and IMO are just rude to them, on the other hand I want a similar situation to happen so I am in a position to interject so SIL knows I know how she can be with my kids.

WWUD in this situation?
AIBU - Yes your a touchy mum
YANBU - I'd be fuming too

How is SIL more experienced ? I don't see it from what OP had described.

Not really. If there are feelings involved and someone is upset, it's rather belittling to say it's a non event.

Maybe the last thing she wants after a day of teaching other peoples kids is to come home and find other peoples kids in her house? Maybe she was looking forward to vegging out in front of the telly…
My kids are fabulous, but I’m not keen on other peoples, and I’d not have encouraged evening toddler visits even from the best of friends or family.

You should have said something at the time. No point stewing on it now, you're only making it a bigger issue than it needs to be.

I’m not sure why you are fuming - you were there - you should have interjected and taken the glass from your SIL and held it while helping your DD to sit.

Maybe your SIL was just tired after being surrounded by kids all day - you and your DH were there - maybe you could have taken care of your DD and not left it to your SIL while you observed!

Another mountain out of a molehill, heaven help you when life presents you with a real problem OP, just get over it and stop looking for trouble where there isn’t any.

She became slightly impatient with a 2 year old, I'm pretty sure you have too at times OP? 🤷‍♂️

Perhaps she wasn't in the mood for a visit but as it's her mum's house, she has no say in the matter?

Either way, you should've dealt with your child instead of examining the interaction and making mental notes.

As you have heard how she behaves when she thinks no-one is listening, you can refuse to let her take your children out/stay at her house/babysit. However, you'll need to speak to your DH about this as he may not agree and will probably defend his sister.

Good grief. I wouldn't have even noticed. This must take the award for least consequential 'event' I've read on here.

@SandyY2K

She's a teacher.

Exactly this.

Or perhaps the people who barged in on her evening are the assholes.

Why would they help wash up when they didn’t eat there?

You should take control of your two yoear old and not wait for things to 'pan out'. That must be quite annoying for other people.

If DD had of asked me to get the water etc I would have done, I'm a SAHM so with my kids 24/7 and do everything for them.
I don't expect others to do things for them as they are my kids. My DD has obviously asked her for the water whilst they were in the kitchen.

As I've said I'm more aware of what my kids are doing at somebody else's house because I don't want them to make a mess and if they do I'm straight on cleaning it up after them.
We don't go around all too often, however my daughter just so happened to ask to go around to her nannas house hence the spontaneous visit.
I get being in work all day is tiring and different people deal with tiredness in different ways especially when it comes to dealing with kids. But from my POV she acts a certain way with her when she knows people are paying attention but when she thinks they're not she acts the complete opposite.

It's not quite like having your own kids though. Just because she's a teacher, doesn't mean she's more experienced with kids in a home setting.

My SIL is a teacher too and has been for at least 30 years. She doesn't have her own kids and when mine were younger, she didn't interact like a parent would.

She could relate on an educational level, but that was it.

Save your fuming for when something bad happens. Not sure why Sil had to as again if your Dd wanted water though given that she'd already asked her.

So SIL has spent all day teaching other peoples kids, comes home, eats and is ready to relax when two kids under 2 arrive. DH is too busy talking to MIL to know what either kid is upto or needs and everyone is have tea. SIL then feels she has to micromanage DD, who is dropping food and potentially spilling water. DD is clearly struggling to get on her seat and her mum/OP sits and watches, doesn’t offer to help with any of it while she’s sipping her tea. SIL is otherwise aware it’s her turn to get on with the dishes and has to tidy up everything before she will ever get the chance to relax alone for the evening, not around children. All before she’s back at work, around children, the next day.

SIL had every reason to be exasperated and impatient and your decision to “test” her on a school night and not assist your own child, a guest in this house, is your own doing. It’s no reason for you to be fuming or really having any particularly strong emotions the next day.

Spot on, @MissDoubleU

My sympathies are with SIL. Parents should have been parenting.

So your kids are climbing around, dropping sticky food on the carpet, ignoring direct questions, and you are just stood there like a lemon watching SIL manage it all?

SIL's expectations of 2 toddlers were overly high, but what were you doing?

You could very easily have stepped in to make sure she didn't ruin the carpet with the date, and stopped your daughter climbing long enough to give SIL an answer to the question she was asking.

I disagree with most of the responses. We are talking about a two year old! SIL sounds horrible and I would be upset too.

I think that’s fair.

The OP made her sound like a right cow. Her exaggerated language is intended to inflame a non event. The story is she visited her in-laws and one was slightly inpatient around small children. A lot of people are at least some of the time. News alert the SIL isn’t continuously delighted with the precious ones dropping into to her home and causing disruption whilst mum sloops off to have a cuppa. Then reappears to stare judgementally at her whilst silently fuming.

Yes, and the best-intentioned aunt might well be somewhat irritable after a day teaching primary school aged children.

A two year old who had both parents sitting nearby like bumps on a log.