Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

[Donesomethingsilly]

My partner has two children to a previous relationship, we have been together for a while. We have discussed getting married but he was reluctant as he wants to protect himself financially. I understood that, and took a risk and decided to have a child with him as we had a great relationship. Since getting pregnant it’s been rocky. I’m not a uk citizen, my family is on the other side of the world. I’m with family at the moment as I needed to get away. Am I being unreasonable to stay here and have the child with my support system around me? He can’t move here, or even visit because he has his children. I feel stuck between doing the right thing for all the children involved, or the right thing for myself.

She literally admitted that she is blackmailing him and that what she has done is not in the best interests of any of the children concerned. Have you read her posts?

Not everything is misogyny.

Your idea that a woman should live as an immigrant in a country where she has no support and have a baby with a man who is providing no security for her , could toss her out at any moment , leaving her homeless, otherwise she’s a gold digger and a man trap, is flagrant misogyny.

Where is her responsibility to provide for herself and her child?

that’s what she’s doing by staying in her home country . it’s bizarre that you think she should live as an isolated immigrant in a foreign country , away from family. with a man , in an unstable relationship, who is choosing to provide her no commitment and security and could make her and her baby homeless at any moment? Why would any one do that?

He probably had no intention of the relationship breaking down though and wanted to provide a home for his partner and child. The only reason that hasn’t worked is because it’s not enough for the OP and she’s thrown a tantrum because she can’t have rights to half his house. Thats not a risk he can afford to take when he already has children he has a responsibility for.

You say that he shouldn’t expect OP to be put in a potentially vulnerable position, but you think it’s ok for her to do that to him and his children.

That’s the thinking you do before getting pregnant. He thought she was happy living together where he would provide. She decided after conception that she was no longer happy with this and wanted financial security and expecting him to provide it at his expense. She has taken no responsibility. As women we are equal until it doesn’t suit.
I don’t disagree at all about wanting financial security but you are honest and not sly and also take steps yourself to achieve this.

I don’t think that, I agree she should stay where she is. The man and his children are better off without her if she doesn’t love them enough to want to stay, but it’s an incredibly sad situation for everyone involved. And when that is a situation that has been deliberately created by a women who changed the goalposts after getting pregnant, I don’t believe she needs your sympathy.

Pretty sure no one forced the OP to move to the other side of the world and TTC with a man who had already told her he wasn't interested in sharing his assets with her.

If she's not a gold digger, why does she not have any plan for how to support the child she wanted, other than, "make someone else pay for it"?

lol how can you possibly know that?
Funny hie meh are always allowed to look out for themselves but woman are not. Just because you or other women are prepared to accept less does not mean the OP should. Women are allowed to say “no actually that won’t work for me”.

What if she has birth injuries or becomes disabled giving bürg or faces maternity discrimination or struggles with employment if he does not pull his weight. Still even now women take on a greater domestic load in relationships and are expected to get nothing for any extra labour. More and more women are saying no to this. No way should OP settle for no security for the father and stay with him. If he cared he could have come back with a counter offer right? But no he expects her to shoulder all the risk because so many women are still suckers and have no sense of self preservation.

Women must look out for their financial security. They are most likely to be in poverty and their children too.

Of course she's allowed to say, "No, that doesn't work for me" and go back to her home country.

But she should have done that before getting pregnant.

The problem is that she got pregnant regardless and now she has fucked up several people's lives.

She should have but she did not. Now she has to work with what she has. That should not mean making herself financially unstable. She should not be the only one to shoulder the risk.

So her child doesn't get a relationship with their father because she's decided to put herself first.

Yes.

That's what people are criticising her for.

She could, of course, stay in the UK and get a job like most people do.

What is wrong with these women who insist on having a baby at all costs? What is wrong with head over heart for a change?

Again you ignore the points in my previous posts. What if she suffers from birth complications and needs support? What if she faces maternity discrimination. What if her partner is not supportive wrt nursery, collecting child when he/she is ill and get job suffers for it? She is very likely to be primary parents since most dads are called great just for smiling at their baby.

It is my opinion that if he wants a relationship with his child he would ensure the mother is not shouldering all the risk. It is sad if the child misses out because OP or her ex partner will not make efforts to see each other but they still could even separated living in different countries.

I’m with you there. It could never be me, but then that is a reason why the birth rate is dropping so much. People also hate that because women having strong boundaries and self worth and education means they have higher standards.

People also hate that because women having strong boundaries and self worth and education means they have higher standards.

I hope you don’t include op in that group of women! 😂

Obviously not. My point is that, because she is so far away, he cannot, practically, do anything to do with this baby, 50/50. He also has his first 2 children to care for and appears to step up for them. I would love to hear his side of this story. As the OP has now admitted that her intent was to blackmail him, I'm beginning to doubt the truthful accuracy of hers.

This is in response to women choosing not to have babies lol.

I wouldn't worry, there are less and less of them. Eventually, governments and the patriarchy will be back to insisting that women have babies whether or not they want them.

A job is only part of the financial picture for women. Cast-iron childcare is the other part.

Having family support with raising a child is invaluable. You really can't put a price on it, it would be massively expensive to replicate.

Except there is nothing to suggest he wasn't offering it to his third child. There is a vast difference between offering financial support and security to his children and signing over half his house to the OP.

So why did she get pregnant on the other side of the world then?

Oh but the man needs all of yours? When he could quite easily chose to fix this just by being a decent father / partner?
Sure blame the woman for just wanting some security and committment .

You’re working OT for the patriarchy here. Lord only knows why.

Again he doesn’t need to sign over half his house. There are other ways to divide it which (baby and her insecure housing position aside) is also only fair after all (!) since she has been contributing to the mortgage and bills.

She has a plan. It involves staying in her home country where she has secure housing and family support. The basics really when you are raising a child.

So she should stay in the UK, with no family support and risk ending up in a position where she is carrying 100% of all the costs of raising a child just so it can have a relationship with its father? Maybe, if he fancies it and it doesn't disadvantage his other children too much.

Yeah, no, I don't think so. It's about time women stopped picking up the slack for men.