My friend keeps pushing ADHD onto her child

[ow26x]

I know this may make me sound mad but I just need clarification that it’s not just me or maybe I just pick up on things easily. So last year I explained to my friend that I think my child, who was 3 at the time, now 4, might have ADHD as he shows the common symptoms. Personally I feel like he is too young to get labeled with anything but he pretty much ticks every box and his father was diagnosed at the age of 6. However, ever since I have mentioned this to my friend, every time I see her she has started mentioning how she now believes her now 5 year old has ADHD, she pushed for his nursery to keep an eye on him but they deemed no issues but now her son is in reception, she has now pushed it onto reception. Personally I don’t think her son has ADHD as nether her or his father has it, despite them both claiming to but they definitely have traits of autism between them, her son isn’t fidgety, he sits for hours on end on an iPad, which I disagree with massively & I find his hyper activity being due to being bored as the only place he goes is school and home again. Never the less, I just find it mad how she never mentioned it before until I said something about my son. Am I being crazily unreasonable to say it’s driving me mad every time I see her, it makes me not want to go around anymore. I think she may have munchausen by proxy or is simply looking for attention/more free money 🤦🏻‍♀️.

This isn't really about her kid. You just don't like her much. That's ok. You don't have to like her but stop pretending to be a friend.

@Squeakpopcorn i agree, if my son does end up being diagnosed in the future then it is definitely something I will invest more knowledge into.

& maybe saying she’s pushing it onto him wasn’t the right wording. More so, she’s pushing it onto everyone else to believe he does. If that makes more sense

"I find it mad how it's never been mentioned before until I said something" - so if she'd mentioned it first, would you be the mad one?

Wow… you’ve got to be a troll so I’m leaving it there.

Jesus you sound awful. Stop pretending to be her friend you're so judgemental. Are you really bored?

Not all about you. It’s possible she feels can talk to you as something in common.

Professionsls will not diagnose in UK until 6. Nhs anyway.

My ADHD DC, sat quietly in school. Looked to be paying attention because he was interested.
There are very academic adhd people. Some less “active” physically.
Friend was in denial because her ADHD DC was too fat & “lazy” to have it.

If you don’t want to talk about it ….. tell her. “Friend, can we just not talk about ADHD …. I need time out from it. “

Additude Website & podcasts are great - direct her to there.

@SheridansPortSalut maybe you should change your name to ‘mind reader’ seems how you know so much about our friendship basing it off of 1 situation but whatever floats your boat. Do you have any advice on the situation or not? Cause if not, move on, you’re irrelevant to this thread.

@Jeeekers thank you for your comment 🫶🏼 I will definitely tell her about them, might even have a look myself

@ow26x "more free money" ?????

He’s still a baby and you KNOW he would take advantage of his diagnosis? That’s crazy depressing.

I have no clue why you’d even think that way about a child?

What do you even mean by take advantage of?

Getting proper support? Learn how not to be the class clown?

I would urge you to rethink your position on a medical condition and get your child proper support.

Why would you want your child to suffer unnecessarily?

Op there are different types of adhd. My son isn’t fidgety, but he needs constant stimulation with a lot of iPad usage. So your friends child being on iPad a lot, for me, would back up her claim. It’s not one size fits all. There’s also variations of it too.

I think you’re not coming across here well because you are being quite defensive and ignorant to other people’s situations and experiences. Maybe try listen to what your friend is saying when she tries to talk to you about it? You say it’s like she’s determined for her son to have adhd, but you seem determined for him not to have - why?!

if you really are that close, maybe you should say to her your real feelings about it all.

also, you don’t need a diagnosis to ‘get free money’ 🙄 you can claim for child disability payment (or DLA dependant on where you live) without a formal diagnosis.

Are you sure she’s a friend because I hate to think what you think and say about people who aren’t friends. The judgement for your “friend” seeps out of you.

@bellsend so I didn’t know that until now, I believed there were 2 types of adhd but both required the common ‘hyperactive’, I’ve admitted to possibly being wrong about that which I appreciate people explaining that to me.

I have been listening to my friend for the past year, I haven’t deemed him not to have it, to me & from my small amount of knowledge I’ve stated I don’t think, that’s just my opinion and again, a reason why I came here for others to clarify whether I am right in that or not. As for defensive, I have every right to be defensive with the absolute clowns on here stating I’m jealous or a bad friend as nether of them things are even close to the truth about who I am as a person or about me & my friends relationship.

& that’s even crazier to me, surely there would have to be something in paper from a medical professional in order to claim money. It’s bad enough as is.

Adhd mom who was diagnosed at 39! 9 year old ds with a diagnosis.

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if this has been mentioned before.

I assume you are aware of hyperfixation some people who are ND suffer from. Is she hyperfixated on adhd? You mention she is an attention seeker, people with adhd often seek out connection, we so often get things wrong and feel alone, even with a close friend... she might just feel a massive connection with you because you are both going through it. It might not be something she is even aware of.

As adhd is a spectrum of sorts, there are different types and present differently. Her child could possibly be ND. Also I agree with you about young kids and adhd. Sometimes ita hard to tell what is typical childhood energy. You know best. So hold off until you feel the time is right. Best wishes to you and your family

@ThighsYouCantControl its nothing I haven’t spoken to her about personally. But whatever I say she shuts it down, hence why I’ve came for advice from those who don’t know her. So yes I’m sure she’s my friend and I’m also sure she’d agree on our friendship.

this will sound harsh but I say this kindly as possible, I do think you need to educate yourself more on these types of conditions. They can all intertwine and like I said, as it’s no one size fits all, diagnosis can be a long process (that’s without the years long waiting list for CAHMS) coming here for information will upset people as you just look really ignorant and like you can’t be bothered to find out. especially when you say things like ‘money for free’, that’s really insulting.

You’re not “possibly” wrong though OP, you are wrong.

💯 wrong.

You’re not her friend, you don’t like her.

When all said and done, he’s her child and not yours so if she wants to pursue a diagnosis for him that’s up to her, if she wants to make a claim on his behalf for DLA, it’s up to her. Not your business and doesn’t affect you in any way. Don’t get why you’re so bothered other than a need to gate keep ADHD and I don’t understand why you want to do that. But that’s how it seems.

@bellsend no offence taken at all, I appreciate the advice. I know I probably do come across as ignorant but that’s because I’m a straight to the point person and I don’t have any issues in having conversations with people over situations just to hear other people’s views & opinions. It’s educational. I know I do need to find out more information but as it’s never effected my life I have never felt the need to, if I had to I would put my all into finding out as much knowledge as possible & I only made the comment about ‘free money’ as it has been mentioned in conversation between us before which I found bizarre.

ADHD FOMO. There’s a lot of it about.

I think you know what his going on with your friend . After all you know her better than anyone here does .

It’s sad if she is going it for attention or /and money but your right some people do .

DLA is based upon need, not diagnosis. I have AuDHD twins and only one of them receives DLA.
You say she's a friend, but you're very negative about her.

@ThighsYouCantControl it doesn’t bother me but when the conversations between us are so fixated on her child having this undiagnosed condition and anything I say to her regarding it gets shut down, it becomes draining. And so I’ve came here for advice how others outside of our family and friends see the situation. Somethings have probably come across rude but that’s the friendship we have, everything I’ve said here I’d say to her personally but finding out how others view it is helpful.

also I don’t understand why your using the term ‘gate keep’ as the last thing I’d ever actually want for my child is to have any conditions that would negatively effect his life.

Diagnosis does not equal DLA entitlement.