My friend keeps pushing ADHD onto her child

[ow26x]

I know this may make me sound mad but I just need clarification that it’s not just me or maybe I just pick up on things easily. So last year I explained to my friend that I think my child, who was 3 at the time, now 4, might have ADHD as he shows the common symptoms. Personally I feel like he is too young to get labeled with anything but he pretty much ticks every box and his father was diagnosed at the age of 6. However, ever since I have mentioned this to my friend, every time I see her she has started mentioning how she now believes her now 5 year old has ADHD, she pushed for his nursery to keep an eye on him but they deemed no issues but now her son is in reception, she has now pushed it onto reception. Personally I don’t think her son has ADHD as nether her or his father has it, despite them both claiming to but they definitely have traits of autism between them, her son isn’t fidgety, he sits for hours on end on an iPad, which I disagree with massively & I find his hyper activity being due to being bored as the only place he goes is school and home again. Never the less, I just find it mad how she never mentioned it before until I said something about my son. Am I being crazily unreasonable to say it’s driving me mad every time I see her, it makes me not want to go around anymore. I think she may have munchausen by proxy or is simply looking for attention/more free money 🤦🏻‍♀️.

ADHD takes many forms, just because you don't see the symptoms it doesn't mean they're not there. Young people quite often mask effectively enough at school but can't keep that mask on at home.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

1. I made that comment as it’s something she mentioned before.
2. I know that.
3. I havent said he does or doesn’t, I’ve stated my opinion on what I think..
4. there is definitely such thing as an iPad kid, however I didn’t say he was an iPad kid, I simply said he sits on his iPad for hours on end.
5. I haven’t slated her, I’ve came for advice on a situation that keeps getting brought up between us.
6. he’s my child and I will take him for an assessment if I believe it to be true once he’s a little older as right now I feel he’s to young (again, my opinion)

Is this meant to be goady? Use it to his advantage?!!

I have a diagnosis of ADHD. I work in a context where I am often discussing with other professionals cases involving adults and children with ADHD. Very few know of my own diagnosis because of attitudes like yours. I cannot tell you what I would like not to spend almost every waking moment fighting the symptoms of my ADHD to succeed at my job. Attempting to maintain friendships is long past. Please try to educate yourself and be better for your child and your friend.

@VivaVivaa what are you on about? 😂 did you even read what I actually wrote? Where have I put he 100% hasn’t? I’ve wrote ‘I don’t think’ as that’s my opinion and it’s my post looking for advice. If someone has diabetes, then yes I would label them as diabetic. That’s what it is.

& I also never wrote ‘he can’t be cause his parents aren’t’ I’ve wrote, ‘nether of them do despite claiming to, they show signs of autism, not adhd’ so maybe have a re read

I just don’t want my child to be diagnosed at the age of 4 as I know my child would use it to his advantage and play on it all his life

Fucking hell. The most ableist, ignorant statement I’ve read in a long time.

I don’t know in this particular situation but I do know a fair few parents who are determined their child has additional needs despite all educational and medical input saying otherwise, including ed psychs.

You sound very ignorant about neurodevelopmental conditions.

Hyper focus is common for kids with ADHD. Not all have hyperactive behaviour- some are only inattentive.

DLA is based on care needs not diagnosis. You don't need to be diagnosed to receive it, but you do need a huge amount of evidence.

Children don't tend to be assessed for ADHD until 7+

I had no idea I have anything like autism or ADHD until my child was diagnosed and I read all the screening forms and was blown away that it was like reading my life history! I probably talk about it way too much now because my younger child is going through the process and it's become my hyperfocus.

I think you should reconsider what it means to have friends.

You can claim DLA without a diagnosis, it’s needs based.
(My child had DLA accepted prior to diagnosis)

Direct quote frim OP 'Her child is an iPad kid'.

Also a direct quote from OP 'I didn’t say he was an iPad kid'.

Yeah, sorry, @ow26x , if you can't even keep your own story straight, why should anyone bother trying to engage in a discussion with you?

I forgot to add... diagnosis for some children is particularly hard if they are high masking.

Yep.

Poor kid.

Indeed. And getting a diagnosis doesn't automatically mean that you're eligible.

I won't comment on your friends child (and neither should you) but it does sound like you could do with an updated education on the subject if you are going to - there a various types of ADHD and they do present differently from the classic perception of it being an inability to sit still

I have ADHD and I don't constantly fidget 🤷🏻‍♀️

Stay out of it.

She's doing what she thinks is best for her child and you're not an expert.

@Andagain2 yes because that’s what I think and I’m not the only one whose mentioned autism over adhd to her before but she’s adamant which is fine, I go with it.

i was told there were 2 types of adhd, that may not to be right but that’s my knowledge, as someone whose never needed to learn anything about it I haven’t ever taken it upon myself to learn so thank you for those facts you have wrote. That’s the kind of advice I came here to look for, not the insults and degrading on how much of a bad friend I am for wanting answers from people outside of who knows my friend personally.

This is a load of nonsense and quite insulting.
It’s how you as a parent manage the situation and support your son. Not him playing it to his advantage, that would be learned behaviour….
My child was diagnosed before 5, as they needed the support and a diagnosis helped with that and his EHCP. He’s yet to ‘take advantage’ of his ASD diagnosis.

@Nodddy yawn 🥱

My daughter isn’t fidgety. She presents as calm and almost serene.

Still has ADHD

DS tries to tell me 'the autism is autisming' but he doesn't get away with it...ever

Honestly it sounds like some weird type of jealousy you have of your friend. You are both entitled to think your children have asn until professionals can assess neither of you can say for sure and you don't have more right than her simply because your partner is diagnosed. Several members of my family are nd none present the same. I don't know why you are worrying about what money she would claim either it's not your business and doesn't affect you in any way

If you suspect your child has ADHD then I would say it is some thing you do need learn about.

Her child either has ADHD or doesn’t. She can’t push it on someone.

@Puttingoutfireswithgasoline its hardly insulting to say I don’t want my son to be labeled at a young age as he’d use it to his advantage, that’s my son. If he can get away with something or pin blame somewhere else he will. I’m not stupid, it’s what kids do. I’m not a parent who says ‘no not my child, couldn’t and wouldn’t be my child’ because 90% of the time it probably WAS my child 🤣 he’s a class clown, even at the age of 4. I haven’t stated that being for every child so there’s no need to find offence it in & im glad your child doesn’t use it to his advantage, let’s hope they don’t even in year 11 when he’s flicked a pen at someone.

That makes no sense at all... you think your child has ADHD. But you've never bothered to actually learn anything about it?!?