No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

I didn't invite 40.
I invited 30!
Fed 32 due to reasonable parents texting and asking if a sibling could also attend. I had no issue with this - as stated in opening post I have been that parent to ask due to family logistics.

I wasn't going to make an extra 8 boxed just incase.

You ALWAYS have spares at a kids party. Now you look like a controlling cheapskate

I do this once they hit 11.

But then again I was called a horrible person by one parent for only inviting 2 children to DD2 11 birthday and not the whole class 🙄

Adequate warning was given.

They should've brought their own butties.

The children?

No she doesn't? Why would you have spares, in case you feel like feeding a few random passers by?

My mistake you should have made 30 boxes for the invited children plus extra for the siblings you agreed could come. They are not “just in case” you were happy to provide 30 plus siblings so do that.

Why?

Yes I was a cheapskate, I had a tight budget - also places to be.

If you had a tight budget why agree to 30 plus siblings then change your mind. If everyone had RSVP’d you would have made them. Don’t commit to a party you can’t afford.

Because it’s pretty much par for the course at children’s birthdays for parents not to RSVP but for extra children, or the occasional sibling, to appear anyway. Outside the context of the strictly limited numbers involved in some specific activities, or afternoon tea at Claridges, it wouldn’t occur to me not to provide enough food for a few extras.

Admittedly, I haven't thrown anywhere near 25 birthday parties , so I'm not a pro like you OP. However, I've never had children starve at the very few birthday parties that I have thrown either , and none of the children have had to watch others eating whilst not being fed themselves. I always order/make extra for parties and offer any left overs to those who have siblings at home or to the parents. Yes, sometime I have had to bin a few. But I'd rather that than hungry tummies at a birthday party.

I could afford it. I didn't go over budget. I had change 😋

I just had a tight one so things like the dreaded party bag wouldn't be included or a sodding balloon arch. It was a simple party 🥳 Kids left with cake.

I made a box for everyone that RSVP'd I left the additional 10 spaces incase some one needed to bring siblings.
If 40 were coming and RSVP'd they would have had a food.

@itsmeits I have never invited the whole class, that is nuts. Firstly I don't have money to invite that many children and why would I invite kids that are not my kids friends. In my opinion parties are for kids that are friends. When my kids had parties, everyone turned up and no one expected to stay and have the siblings join the party. Parents seem to be very entitled and rude now adays. There was food and party bags for the amount of children attending, no extras just in case.

We had a party recently. Invited the whole class of 30. We had RSVPs from 16. The rest just didn't bother to respond at all.

We had done what others suggested and catered for a few extras turning up and a few extra party bags as at 3 or 4 not receiving one would have been devastating. Thankfully no extras turned up. It was a waste of effort and food for me to have catered for people that can't be bothered to RSVP.

Maybe amongst your acquaintance it's fine not to rspv. In my world, it's pretty standard behaviour and is expected, esp if you're actually planning on turning up.

Me too.
Isn't right that some kids were hungry 😭

I would have made extra, but that's just me. I think it's always good to be prepared and it wouldn't have been difficult to make up a couple of extra boxes.

I'd feel terrible if a child went without food at a party because their parent didn't RSVP for whatever reason. Not really the child's fault.

Give people a break OP.

I have done this in the past.
But then have 5/6 extras show 🙊 not enough spares as Ive done 3/4🤐

This year I thought sod it not doing it.
Hope your little one had a great bday 🎂

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.

YANBU at all

Those mums were using you for childcare; they wouldn't have brought their children at all if they had something 'better' on offer. I know the type. Hence the ignoring of the RSVP or the clear details on the invitation about no food for those who didn't rsvp. And then of course the outrage that their little darlings weren't fed.

The same little darlings that were picked up late, not asked if it was okay that they came anyway and if you had enough supervision for their unexpected children, and inconveniencing any plans you might have had with late pick ups.

People need to stop catering to this shitty behaviour. Don't listen to the posters feeling sorry for them and expecting you to waste time and money on 'silent maybes'. They're just inconsiderate and selfish and believe me, wouldn't accommodate anyone else under the same circumstances, especially without a word.

Bullshit

She looks like someone with firm expectations and boundaries laid out, and provided reminders as well.

I think the mums are the entitled cheapskates. Bet they didn't even bring gifts.

Parents who would think you're horrible are frankly talking about themselves, clearly horribly entitled.

I can't speak to what the other posters are saying but I'm posting purely regarding the children, not their stupid parents. I wouldn't be 'that parent' because I would RSVP, bring a gift, follow instructions. I would though feel badly for those children on your behalf, OP.

It's pathetic to leave children out. Hire a bouncer next time, shut the riff-raff out at the door and at least the children won't feel the being 'left out'.

Their parents made them feel like this!

As OP has said, the standard box if she was unaware of personal preferences/allergies/religious requirements would be a ham sandwich with butter or mayonnaise which would be dangerous/inappropriate for children with dairy/lactose/gluten intolerances and children who require halal food. The children would probably have just tucked in regardless and the parents would be angry about that.

Without being a mindreader, she would have upset someone who didn't RSVP whatever she did.

I think the mums are the entitled cheapskates. Bet they didn't even bring gifts.

They didn't, the OP posted an update to say they didn't even bring a card!