Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

But many children do not even have books at home. Teachers can't win here. You cannot expect them to tailor everything individually. It's also a good age to learn that sometimes you have to do things you may not want to.

You are being unreasonable expecting 6yo to do homework. Reading at home, yes.

Parent to 2 primary age children, ex-governor (no time now sadly)and wife of a primary headteacher here. There will be many different reasons, but in essence, I think your school is asking too much of busy parents/focussing on things that don’t actually improve learning.
Reading - VIP, I totally agree. Send home a planner where parents have to sign 3 reads per week for child to get a stamp (that ends up with a termly certificate/award). Have a weekly ficus on it during assembly. My kids pester me to read to me so they get their stamp.
Stop the homework and weekly spellings. Year 1s don’t need homework. Our spellings are half termly (which I find much more manageable) and not actually tested - as per the most up to date research around rote learning of spellings being unhelpful. We play games at home around them and they focus on them in class, but not tested.
Our school provide all stationary. Can yours not do this? Speak to your Head - there is enough in the budget for this if spent wisely.
Wear PE kits all day on PE days - this is standard for all schools in my area.
Ask for indoor shoes/slippers/socks at the start of term. Or accept some kids will be walking around in socks only. I find this bizarre though tbh - schools get dirty/muddy. My children’s school shoes are very muddy, so I can only imagine the school floors. But sensibly, they’re all hard floors.
And with respect, working 3 days per week, term time only, is not the same as working full time all year round ( which many parents are doing). Like you, I’m part-time, but with 3 kids, clubs, elder family caring responsibilities, a volunteer role and sleep(!), I can’t manage much more than reading a few times per week, nagging the KS2 child to go on TTRS and playing a few spelling games (once per week). And I’m okay with that.

I don't know. We try our best. I do think ages 5 is a bit young for homework but I'd still ask DC to do it if that's what the teacher asked.

However, I do get very overwhelmed with all the homework, art projects, world book stuff, cake sales, pta this and that, charity dress up days, sports days, etc...

I have 2 children.

We get multiple emails or texts from:

Basketball club (2 clubs, 2 did kids)
Football club
Swimming clubs (2 different ones)
Guitar group
Hockey club
Cadets (which is like a school of it's own with non stop emails and messages)
School 1
School 2

We also get - can you Jon the committee? Can you help at the match on Sunday? Can you give X and y a lift? Can you bring cakes? Can you help with kit?

Then theres the parent WhatsApps for each of the above, and Facebook's for some of them too.

It's draining and exhausting.

As much as I love my children's schools, I just struggle sometimes to keep up with everything, especially when the bloody homework is on teams and doesnt work or load etc..

I think permanent staff at school or swimming or wherever see their place/club etc.. as the main focus of their attention but they forget sometimes that while school might be their piority today, basketball or whatever might be being prioritised by mum or child because they have a match coming up or charity dinner or fundraiser or trials or extra training events etc...

We have to split our time and energy and when you also have a job that demands a lot of your time, have pets, a partner to consider etc... it all gets a bit much!!

@DontBeADick11 - I think every generation thinks it has it worse. Bringing up children is never easy. There are many ways where we get it easier now.

I would love to know the statistics about how many people buy or borrow books for pleasure for their children compared to twenty years ago. I would bet my bottom dollar that number has decreased. It's utterly depressing to see how many children come in on world book day not dressed as characters from books but footballers or cheerleaders.

Yes and she is not particularly interested in multiplication tables, or swimming lessons, or brushing her teeth. But we do all those things.

Like I said, my child's school does not require a reading diary filling in. But if it had in the way described up thread it wouldn't be something I would fight battles over with my child.

As for other children having no books - schools can give out books without the reading diary! My DD gets to pick 2 books to take home every 3 weeks. School encourages us to read the books with the DC, but it's not a requirement. Because she picked them herself she is much more likely to be engaged with the books.

Why are you setting homework that the parents must help with? What's the point of that? Also, how rude of you to assume you can schedule the parents time. You have no right. You have no idea what is going on in their lives, and frankly I have no words for the concept that what you require them, or their children to do is automatically more important.

Geez, that's a bit over the top! The point of my post was to find out the reasoning to see what I could do to make things better, you don't need to be so aggressive!

Wow.

Because it gets left on the kitchen table, or on the sofa, because it's dinner time, or the dog needs taking out etc. It gets forgotten.

I think @Nigglenaggle has a point. Homework should be something that requires practice of what was done in the appropriate lesson that day and should ideally not involve parent participation above the 'have you done your homework - well do it now' level.
And surely these are 6 year olds? what are they doing apart from reading from a suitable phonically decodable book at their level of phonics? Maybe writing out a times table (writing it - as with chanting it - fixes a piece of knowledge into long term memory). Reading every day. Times table once a week?

I'm shocked to see how many parents think they can dismiss homework they deem "pointless", especially based on x y z purported study that appears to back up their viewpoint. Studies can be found to back anything.
That said I'm one of the evil ones who wouldn't hesitate to travel during term time so I guess everyone has their own value scale...

They’re right though - and no one is including reading.

www.hull.ac.uk/work-with-us/more/media-centre/news/2022/primary-school-children-get-little-academic-benefit-from-homework

I agree with you, it's overwhelming how much admin and communications comes your way from multiple sources. I think here is also a downside that it actually outsources all the responsibility to parents and none of it to children. I asked my teenage step daughter when the start of her term was and she had no clue which, at 14, I feel should not be her parents' responsibility to track. She had a meltdown because she didn't bring a red shirt to her basketball tournament last year. My partner's excuse was "the coach only reminded her mum late last night". Why did the coach had to remind at all? She is 14! She should have been able to relay this information to parents (if not to actually pack the blooming shirt herself before coming over on Friday).
When I was in school, there was none of this. You were given a timetable at the start of the year which you copied into your school diary, all the books for the year which you had to pick up and return to the library yourself and a list of stationery. Aside from parents' evenings, I am not convinced my parents got any communication from the school throughout primary and secondary years. This must have been bliss for them. I don't think they would cope with whatsapp class groups and constant stream of emails.

Great post. Children are losing the ability to take personal responsibility and run their own lives
A friend who is a University lecturer has said recently kids can’t cope with anything in terms of time management or research. Everything needs to be handed on a plate.

OK well if it's too much trouble for you to read 10 high frequency words with your child once every 6 weeks and skim read a couple of emails sent out to keep you updated then that's up to you. It's not a problem for me and my daughter is flying at school.

And then we'd all get told 'I never got that email'.

Parents are free to say 'they can't be bothered' or 'they don't have time'. However they need to understand their children will not do as well as they could do or even fall behind others.

It's mad that they think the emails being sent out are for the staff's benefit and they are going to do more admin to make sure it's as easy to digest as possible for the parents.

If you don't read the email saying the road is closed and get stuck in traffic, that's your problem. Ditto if you send your child in in uniform on WBD or they didn't like the special menu and come home hungry and grumpy.

If you don't want to be on the PTA or attend a reading session then just don't open those emails, they are very clearly labelled in the subject line.

If you want it all in a weekly bulletin then get yourself a PA to do it.

Agree. When I was at school the only thing my mum had to do was sign letters that came home occasionally, sometimes sending dinner money in with a return slip or something. Even that felt like MY responsibility to get her to do it, and ensure I returned it etc..

I think the world of email and WhatsApp and e-newsletters and teams etc.. just means the children get by-passed and the responsibility falls to the parents.

If i forgot to hand a slip to the teacher then I lost out on the class trip or the school meals or whatever, so I quickly learnt. Today the children are oblivious to all their parents do in the background for school, clubs etc...

I'm personally frazzled!!

I think you meant....

I'm lucky my child has no difficulty in school, she is academically able by luck and I'm lucky that she is easy to parent and I haven't had to manage any difficulties.
I recognise that some parents and children have many more challenges in life.

There I have fixed it for you

I remember hearing one parent complaining that the school HADN'T reminded parents that they would be selling poppies in week before Remembrance Sunday. She was actually 'how are we supposed to remember everything by ourselves?!'

Yes she is, and yes I am, but seriously if you can't manage 5 minutes of homework with a week to do it in, and daily reading set at your child's level and then they end up struggling there was no bad luck involved.

I respect the job school does but I'm not going to be supplying pencils etc the school I expect them to be provided. I send PE kit but frequently it isn't brought home or gets lost so I'm not supplying even more of it. I can't afford it. I will read and do spellings but beyond that I work full time, my son goes to school till 6pm with after school club so he comes home has his tea and then settles down. He's tired and done enough.