Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

@GRex yes supporting children with maths homework can be tricky. The Op specifically referred to reading and spelling homework. You don't need a degree to support your child in that.

Yep, Maths has changed massively since most of us were at school in terms of what and how they teach. I've ended up explaining the maths homework to other school parents in a corner of the playground on occasions - and ended up, when I was a governor, getting a session organised to explain lots of this to parents so they could support their kids with homework - turnout was massive, so the demand was clearly there!

How is the communication happening, for example giving them a list of what's needed for the term ahead and a reminder, and all-class reminders of things? Or do you contact each parent individually specific to the issue? Do you have a parent representative on the PTA in whatsapp groups etc to remind parents of things?

I'm a parent that does all the stuff you want. I also work in a job where I am responsible for making change.

If suggest trialling some carrot if you have a supportive headteacher. Something like any child who meets the following criteria will be permitted to take two days of authorised holiday. Pick the 3 most important things, ideally with consistent targets, like 98% attendance, 98% on time, 98% PE participation (measured by providing own kit and therefore being ready on time).

You'll need to sell it to the school as a pilot and after the trial report some results. You'll also need to identify and mitigate any risks, like indirect discrimination due to a protected characteristic and make any reasonable adjustments, such as lowering scoring requirements or scrapping the PE requirement entirely for kids who cannot participate due to medical need.

I don't know if you have any hoops to jump through as I don't working schools. But it could also be an excellent leadership example if you are looking to progress up the career ladder and it could make a real difference in education.

Put a smiley face/sad face chart up on the classroom window for having done homework, plus good examples of the homework, for all the parents to see. Tell the parents their spelling test scores at parent evenings. Check in the morning and get the office to call the parents to bring in missing PE clothing, as there are no spare and the child has to sit out - every single time. Sorted.

I haven't read all the thread. I'm sure some people have valid reasons. We only have one dc and our life can get very busy during the week already with the after school clubs. Our school is very relaxed about homework - they don't give one every week - but I try to fit in a few maths/ spellings worksheets here and there as i think dc needs the extra help (English is not our home language). Reading is a very well established habit now and it takes place with no prompting every bed time.

However, we all know there are parents who never liked school themselves, don't see value in school and do not engage. They see school as a free childcare service, and some even think teachers work for them like a paid nanny would...

There are also the parents who clearly prioritise themselves and their interests, before their children's, sadly. My dc school keeps cancelling trips because parents haven't contributed towards them and they can't afford to take the children. Parents moan that it's too expensive (£33 the most expensive so far), while wearing their new lip filler and Botox, new clothes and shoes, and recommending you the newest takeaway in town...
I completely get where OP is coming from.

I want to read with my child who is Y1 and bilingual so he struggles a bit. But I am not originally British so I have no idea how to explain to him the different grammar and phonetic rules. He reads but he struggles with pronunciation eg “once” he will say it “onk”. I wouldn’t know how to explain to him why “c” is “s” sound in this occasion and not “k”.

so he gets frustrated and doesn’t want to read. And all that happens after 7pm when we are back from work and everyone is shattered and wants to go to sleep. He sleeps at 8.30. Not sure how I can “make” a 6 year old want to read at this time of the day?

Unfortunately parenting with 2 full time working parents isn’t set for success. I am upset that I can’t do more homework with my child, I actually enjoy it but he is so tired he is having none of it. What do I do? Deal with tantrums every night?

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect parents to involve themselves in school and to provide basic equipment.
It's so easy to say I am tired. The whole world is tired.
If you want your child to make the most of a free education and to get valuable skills and a decent future you need to put some care into raising them properly.

Everyday you see people taking risks to come and live in the UK for a better life and opportunity. They give their lives for the lifestyle we have or could have if we were not so tired!

Get a grip people and make the most of life and your children's futures. Invest in your child. Don't let them down.

And if you can't be bothered, then don't have them!

It's because some parents just don't value education and don't prioritise their DC. I've just got a new foster placement and he came with no pencil case, drinks bottle or school equipment, no PE kit, only 2 shirts and one pair of school trousers and no school sweatshirt at all. His shoes were far too small for him too. First thing I did was get him the school PE kit so he wasn't the only DC in his class not wearing it, new school shoes 1 1/2 sizes bigger than ones he had been squashing his feet into, and trainers and essentials like socks and pants and drinks bottle. Then another day in half term school shirts, trousers and more clothing for out of school.

I don't agree with that.

Rewarding attendance and being on time is a bad idea for the obvious reason that you are usually late/ not able to attend due the circumstances out of your control.

Participation in class is already being rewarded with house points/ well done's which is fair but teachers also need to include quieter/ shy children in a way that is comfortable for them - if there is a participation reward that they never get because of their intrinsic personality they are in effect being punished for who they are...

And overall, a rewards and punishments system, would not encourage a culture of respect, involvement or extra appreciation of school. They don't help achieve any meaningful results in most aspects of life really - just some bitter competitiveness.

Then just try reading for pleasure with your child. Sit together at bedtime with a book. If you don't know what books to choose, I am sure your dc's teacher would be delighted to make some suggestions. Take him to the local library at the weekend.

It doesn't need to be those things. Fwiw I don't like the attendance stuff either and I massively disagree with certificates for it.

But that's the system schools are in.no suspect even though they can gicenholidays, they don't because they need the 100% kids to bring up their overall average because schools are, unfortunately, judged on attendance.

I do think parents are motivated by being able to book a term time holiday though and it would be a motivating point for the "affluent" (OPs words) parents who are just dropping the ball. And it's the parents that need the motivation in this situation and they don't care about house points.

Thanks, I do read to him but he doesn’t sit still or look at the words much. So I am not sure how me reading to him helps him figure out how to read himself?

So we do read with our child- what I often forget is writing it in her reading log. She reads 5 books to me and her teacher gives her a reward... I have ended up buying loads of extra phonics books for her- as she gets bored with rereading the same book for a week or two- I am sure the teacher hates it as I now record every book she reads to me (at least 3 different ones a day), and what I read to her at least 2!!
She is 4 and also gets spelling tests- we do these- but she struggles as all of them have been red words and she is 4 (and can write fairly good sentences like Can I have some wotsits please),
For the youngest in the year its a lot (she is in year 1 for phonics and spellings and she gets the year 1 homework for these).... (we also do 2 afterschool activities a week by bus and doesn't get home till 6 and she is in bed at 7- but we still do them)

@ServantsGonnaServe but you'll be punishing in effect all the children who will not be getting the certificates/ rewards?! What educational value does that have?

Are schools still asking children to work out how to do the maths before explaining to them how you do it? That's a waste of time and also tends to put kids off maths.
Convulated methods of working out subtraction, supposedly so the children learn the 'concept', is a poor method of teaching anything, similar to chucking kids in the deep end without a float and expecting them to learn to swim.
Explain. Demonstrated. Do worked examples. Get feed back (white boards). Do examples that follow exactly the same method. Get that to automaticity before going on to the next bit - and practice retrieval through tests (retrieval and rehearsal both set the new knowledge into long term memory so that it can be retrieved with ease whenever needed).

Are the parents aware they can ‘opt out’? If there was communication to that effect, I suspect you’d get some who drop out of it…

Our primary school actually have a really relaxed homework policy. My daughter is primary 6 and despite the only homework really being spellings and an expectation to read books of their choice, she is progressing well with no issues. I think the earlier years use reading books but my daughter was p1 when the first lockdown hit and has had no reading books at all sent home since then.
School books, especially the early readers, are a total drag and I don’t blame kids for not wanting to read them. Better to encourage reading of their own choice of books.
When I was in primary school (I’m 45) homework was regular but I feel that far less women worked back then so there was more time and less stress around getting it done.
As time has gone on it’s become more common for both parents to be working so it’s become harder to find the time. Kids are also far more likely to be involved in after school activities.
I personally feel six hours a day of school should be more than sufficient work, especially for primary school kids .

Agree with this. I had twins at 48 so double trouble and in my early 50s when they were in year 1 and I worked full-time! Always made time to do homework with them (house was a bit of a bomb-site during the week though but keeping up with their education was more important - it boosted their self-esteem when they did well and taught them a good work ethic). Some of the excuses on here are pathetic. A while ago my company employed a young lad who refused to do a particular task so he was rightly fired. I care about my kids enough to want them to do well in life and not end up on benefits.

Also a Y1 teacher here. It’s absolutely abysmal most mornings. We have some parents who come in asking for spare tights because their child didn’t want to put some on at home, don’t get me started on reading books. We’ve had others who outright blame the school for losing book bags/fleeces you name it we get the blame. Would help if they were labelled but that’s another story. I came up with my class from reception and even then it was horrendous. No core strength in lots of the children so we had to introduce tummy time, lots in nappies or coming to school with a dummy. I’ve also got 3 school aged children and have what I think is undiagnosed ADHD. I have to write EVERYTHING down and have it in sight so I don’t forget. I think some don’t even bother to open the book bags most days, it’s really disheartening.

I am not a fan of homework at all, at any age. I never did mine at school - I did very well academically without it. I have a well paying responsible job, but I do absolutely no work in my own time, and I don’t see why kids should either. For me, with my daughter, I wanted her to love reading and learning so she would be educating herself for her whole life, not just during the school years. I have done a second degree just for fun, and she did her masters just for fun, and we are voracious readers. Education is about inspiring minds for life, not ticking boxes. For reference, her father is a teacher and he never set homework (private school) and his pupils all excelled.

Do parents realise they can opt out?
They may not realise this is an option.
4 children here
1 couldn't cope with homework at all. Literally made life hell for the whole family. I can not describe how difficult it was.
Work pitched too hard but just finding the time when child was exhausted from school was hard enough. Homework just made them feel awful as it was too hard as well.

Youngest had no issue with homework but it was always too easy so got done quickly and independently.

That's the issue with homework for some children they enjoy it, others can do it so easily and it takes minutes to complete. For others the same work can take hours and cause great distress.

Same situation here re bilingual children. One who had no issue at all with reading and writing. The other who struggled like hell.

My advice is to NOT do phonics with your dc. Talk to the teacher and explain you can’t pronounce the sounds properly so it will get very confusing to your dc if you do.
The rest? Read, correct the words if they make a mistake. Read with them in both languages. Do the spelling etc… all of it is ok. But not teaching them sounds.

We do our Y1's homework (apart from learning spelling) at the weekend, as we find it tricky to fit in during the week (possible in theory, but just hard as she is tired after school). Could you set it so that kids have the weekend available? Could you ask parents what would help them support their kids more?

I feel sorry for so many young children now who attend breakfast clubs from 7-30 then attend after school clubs till 6-6-30 5 days a week , they have very little time to just relax and I can understand too much homework on top of that is very difficult . I do think reading at home has massive benefits particulary as so many children are glued to a screen in their rest times . It’s so sad that so many children now don’t read for pleasure , it widens their knowledge and vocabulary and is such a valuable skill .